What am i doing wrong.

[wishingstar]

I always blow it NMl. I am re -reading. Trying to really dig at the core of why ? How can I keep  relving  the hell week.  . how much it sucks but yet I won't give up.   So what their cigs all around me. I can do it  for 30 plus days. With them being right their.

I really hate this addiction. Their lot reading I have not done. I did a few of Joels and allen's and some at quitsmoking .  I read allens book in 1 half days the first time. this time, I am going to do it a slower. then keep reading key parts. 

 

[smorgy8513]

Renee.   I don't know any great advice to give you, I will leave that for the wise ones to do.    I do want to say I'm sorry cuz I know how much you wanted this quit.   I guess maybe finding the part of you that wants it more?????    Don't ask for our forgiveness though,   you didn't fail us....I still have and will appreciate your encouragement.

Question:   what if you wrote down the last 3-4 hours before you smoked.   Write exactly what you were doing, thinking and feeling.   Would that help you figure out what happened?   

[msterling999]

For me it was an attitude adjustment from "longing" to "chosing not to." I am happy about my choice. You are doing the right thing by reading.

I don't know if you have read the Wednesday NML blogs by 

Sarah (Quit Date March 12, 2011)

they may help.

Also the following two blogs may help:

   https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/05/24/no-mans-land-da...

   https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/06/26/what-to-expect-...

  Attitude is everthing. You are re-learning how to live. That can be uncomfortable. I found reading really helped me understand the transitions. You can do this!

  Maggie

[whognu_1-2007]

I believe it is as simple as making up your mind. Somehow, you reach a point where you think smoking is what you want. You have to figure out why.

smokers tend to use smoking to try and absorb lifes hits or unhappiness. To cover it up. to forget about it. It's much like an alcoholic who drinks to get drunk and forget about reality.

Figure out what makes you feel hopeless and you'll find the answer.

[wishingstar]

Thanks . Stress is the reason. I quess need to try yoga or somthing. diffrent to handel stress. Yes laughing dancing do help. But maybe yoga is more relaxing.  or try Tia chi. 

Comapred to others. I look at my self with shame. because. I have not lost any one . I have not had  a life altering experince.  But yet Those I look up to have and they kept their quit.

ty the kitty is adroable Smorgy.

[edsel1964]

Well I'll tell ya one thing that your doing right is to keep trying when you stop trying thats when your doing something wrong! We are all addicts and it isn't as simple as waving a magic wand and we're cured.It is something that we will have to fight for the rest of our life. Crap I quit for over two years and started again like a idiot so thats why I'm back here!! So just don't give in and keep trying!!!

[msterling999]

Try re-reading the stress section in Allen Carr's book. Understand why smoking doesn't relieve, but adds to stress. 

I tried yoga, but I am back to running. You are correct in tring to plan how to react to life's curveball in a different method.

Maggie

[freeneasy]

You are lighting up a cigarette and smoking it. All you need to do to Become an EX  is stop yourself from doing that..

[pir8fan]

I think you are ignoring the strength you can get from lifelines!

Your last blog was four days ago! Where is the one where you came here and told us you were struggling, and ask for help? Who did you call, and tell that you were about to smoke? Did you give anyone a chance to help you? Do you have a 50/50 list? These things can help you save all those days of effort that you sacrafice for a couple of minutes of madness!

We are not a report group! We are a support group! Think of us as a place you come to for help! Not as a place you come to tell what happened!     Tommy

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/pir8fan-blog/2013/07/25/lifelines-the-keys-to-a-successful-...

[ShawnP]

I am not sure what to say. What day did this happen? I didn't see your number show up on my phone. Did you use any other lifelines? Blog? When i went through rough spots, if it wasn't for my lifelines, I would have blown it. It's very important that we stick together especially in the first year of the journey.

[ShawnP]

wow Tommy and I were thinking the same lol. Just now seeing his comment LOL

[Patty-cake]

Renee,

You are identifying stress as your trigger, but please reread the comment that Dale (WhoGnu) wrote. You are still viewing smoking as your 'fix it' solution or as Dale said, 'using smoking to absorb life's unhappiness'. 

For all of us, smoking was how we dealt with some or all of these: celebrations, sadness, stress, anger, low self-esteem, hunger, fill-in-the blank. Smoking was the answer. Running to our addiction by hiding behind that cigarette was how we dealt with life. So at some point, you will need to stop hiding behind the addiction and experience the feelings for what they are. I know, easier said than done. 

You can do this Renee. You have the tools. Time to re-learn life.

[Maryjo1953]

Don't beat yourself up, just keep trying, learning and one day your quit will stay. http://www.quitsmokingonline.com/ this site helped me and I had to read Alan Carr's book three times before it sank in.  It really is a mental game, it's all about attitude.  Remember you are not giving anything up.  Good luck!

[Michwoman]

No need to ask for forgiveness here - it's not US that is being hurt. It's YOU. You still have yourself convinced that you like smoking. You don't want to be talked out of smoking when you get to "that" point which is why you aren't using your lifelines. You keep forgetting that smoking will not stop the cravings for more than a few minutes. 

I do feel bad that you have to put up with such total inconsideration from others in your life. I wish I could help you with that.

I'm saying a prayer for you right now. 

We love you!

[mary242]

what did you do wrong? You put a cigorette in your mouth! Dont do that.N.O.P.E. Youwill do it next time...if you want to. Good luck, friend!

[Nyima_1.6.13]

Don't read it if you are looking for nice and understanding Renee!?! First and formost ditto Tommy! Second, why would you make such a ridiculous decision? Hell week, is the easy part aparently, how about another month of ground hog days! Jeez girl!

IMHO, I don't think it's stress! You seemed to deal with the most stressful parts of the past month without a cigarette! You handled the job offer disappointment, you planned and implemented a move, you got kids in new schools, etcetera, etcetera! Seems to me, you still think a cigarette is some kind of reward for surviving all the s h*# that life hands you! You got it all done, sat down and smoked!

Don't take too long trying to figure it out! I hope you'll get back on the horse soon. Jeez, you are one of the biggest supporters of life lines and the real live phone call! Honestly, I find it really upsetting that you don't at least "post before puffing"!

[Chris265]

“Somehow, you reach a point where you think smoking is what you want.”  “Seems to me, you still think a cigarette is some kind of reward for surviving all the s h*# that life hands you!”

 For me, and maybe you, there is truth to both those comments.  I don’t want “just one” cigarette, I want them all, because I remember the enjoyment of smoking, and the “reward” for every task completed.  But I think of the trade offs.  I don’t smell anymore.  I can go anywhere I want.  My blood pressure is down.  I can keep up on the tennis court.  I don’t have to hide an addiction.  Etc. etc.  You get the picture.

 So at this point it isn’t even Hell Week anymore, because you are a pro at that.  Think of what you have gained, and then when you are romancing that cig – “Kick it to the curb”!

 “For me it was an attitude adjustment from "longing" to "choosing not to”  - I like that thought too.

[freeneasy]

You know what to do. Read your own comment on this blog..https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2013/07/13/come-here-and-p...

[Thomas3.20.2010]

These are the tools you can use to repair addictive thinking:

Nutrition

EXercise

Sleep

Mindfulness

Meditation

So you don't like yoga - try guided imagery...

This is your Life! Building self esteem with these tools will give you the self confidence to believe in yourself! You CAN do this! When I hear you talk about stress I hear that somehow your sense of self worth has dipped. Maybe that's why you don't use the lifelines? shame? embarrassment? It seems you have disappeared  right before you relapsed. This time you can do things different. We are yur Friends that you can come to when you really don't want to face anybody!

We believe in you!

[judy100]

I have been to NML twice, before I knew you guys and that it had a name, and blew it both times.  Afraid to set a new quit date, finally did today.  Am taking it slowly by gathering all the information I obtained from this site and you and rereading it.  Been where you've been and done what you've done.  It is now time to put the plan into action.  Come along with me and let's bring the support team with us.  Are you up for it?

[jeanne-8-4-13]

Renee,

   We are all your friends here. I had a bad day on Thursday, but I came here and blogged for help. Please come back soon. I will be praying for you

[rizza]

Renee, what is done is done. I can only imagine what you must feel like. I am reluctant to advise because I do believe that everyone has a road to travel. Some of us take the shortest road, others choose the longest, and well you get my drift. And that is fine. Just remember to stay on the road that you chose, when the going gets tough. Don't give up, keep walking! 

And yes please come here. and ask for help! We are to help and be helped! so get back on track, and lets make this moment, just a distant memory!

[Jordan-11-1-12]

You've gotten some great advice on here.  All I will add is, DON'T GIVE UP!

[newlife5]

renee, look at all these great responses you got... people love you...i know what my problem is,,..the law of addiction one puff and im gonna look for another , it has happened time and time again...NOPE is easy to say...but how do you turn the pleasure sensers off....whatever you do dont give up... cause even one day with out cigarettes is a victory....dont give up cause your life depends on it

[joyeuxencore]

You are beautiful just EXactly as you are...What amazes me is that you are a freakin' SOLDIER who has fought in a REAL WAR???!!!

Muster up that same courage and perseverance that you fought for our country with...

Fight for our SELF and your FAMILY with the same determination...after all you are doing it to save your life this time as well...

Thank you for all the beauty you give back to our community Renee! xo

[joyeuxencore]

[Michwoman]

See how many love you lady??? We know you want it. DO it.