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Share your quitting journey

We say good-bye today.

smorgy8513
Member
0 30 49
‎07-21-2014 07:46 AM

Today is my sister Mary's Celebration of Life.     We have planned the music, the pictures (slideshow and collage), who will speak and the Bible passages.     I agreed to pick out and read 3 passages and then I found a book of Sister poems that was in Mary's things.    I had given her the book on Christmas 1997.    Inside a page was marked with a note that said "To be read at my Celebration of Life.     Author is Carey Marten but the words are for you dear sisters.    Love you"       I will read that as well.      

Wish I could say that I have had NO thoughts of smoking.    I have.     Glad to say that they have been less than I expected and I HAVE NOT SMOKED!       I have reminded myself that 1) smoking won't bring her back, 2) I don't want to start over, 3) I would disappoint myself, my family here and my EX family, 4)  my anniversary is coming up in 15 days!            SMOKING WILL NOT FILL THE HOLE IN MY HEART TODAY!        

This is a tough day.     I don't cry in front of people.......anyone want to place a bet on that today?         I've been crying some by myself, hoping that will allow some of the pain out so it won't be a dam (dam*) breaker at the service.

If I cross your mind today.....I would appreciate prayers for strength and acceptance.....for me and for my family.     My oldest sister (Sis) is really having a tough time of this.      I'm struggling to be with her for support and still take care of myself.

Thanks to my family here......I appreciate all the prayers and kind words that I've gotten here, on FB and on email.

Love you!

Sharon 350 DOF         (look how close the 6% club is now!)

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30 Comments
JRC
Member
‎07-21-2014 08:11 AM

Dear Sharon,you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers all day. It is a very difficult day but between your inner strenth and the Lord's arms, you will be able to handle it.  

A big hug to you and I only have 15 days to practice my happy dance!! 

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cheryl_1-1-14
Member
‎07-21-2014 08:11 AM

You will absolutely be on my mind today Sharon and I pray that God gives you whatever you need to get through today and the days ahead.  Celebrate Mary's life and cherish that she was, and always will be, a part of yours.  You will miss having her here but you have to let her dance.......   (((((Sharon)))))

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Mike.n.Atlanta
Member
‎07-21-2014 08:52 AM

We'll be with you all day (((((Sharon))))).

KOKO,

M n @

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SmokedOut041412
Member
‎07-21-2014 09:03 AM

Hi Sharon,

I'm saddened to read of the loss of your sister. 

My thoughts, prayers and (((hugs))) go with you during this very difficult time.

♥

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annb
Member
‎07-21-2014 09:04 AM
Dear Sharon. Thinking of you and praying for you thru this hard day. You are so close to 6% that is wonderful. I just want to let you know (from my recent experience) you really, really don't want a cig. For me at least It was the nastiest, most disgusting tasting thing ever!! Ugh! Blessings come in strange disguises sometimes.
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Deena-A-Yenni
Member
‎07-21-2014 09:15 AM

Prayers are with you and your family.

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ShawnP
Member
‎07-21-2014 09:32 AM

you've been on my mind everyday so far and each day, i lift up a prayer for you. So know that today especially there will be a few going up. Know that Gods loving arms are surrounding you now and i am sending you a virtual hug too! 

Here is a poem i found:

I AM FREE 

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free 
I'm following the path God laid for me 
I took His hand when I heard Him call 
I turned my back and left it all. 

I could not stay another day, to laugh, 
to love, to work or play. 
Tasks undone must stay that way 
I've found that peace at the close of the day. 

If parting has left a void, then fill it 
with remembered joy. 
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss, 
Ah, yes, these things I too will miss. 

Be not burdened with times of sorrow 
I wish for you the sunshine of tomorrow. 
My life's been full, I savored much 
Good friends, good times, 
a loved one's touch. 

Perhaps my time seemed all to brief, 
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief. 
Lift up your hearts and share with me, 
God wants me now, He set me free.

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jeanne-06.03.13
Member
‎07-21-2014 09:34 AM

Thinking of you Sharon.  Stay strong... take care of yourself.  Jeanne

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ShawnP
Member
‎07-21-2014 09:36 AM

Celebrate today Sharon cause there will be even a bigger one when you and Mary meet again. Remember that this is only temporary.

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cheryl102
Member
‎07-21-2014 10:02 AM

very beautiful. i am sad to have let go of my sister's family moveing far from here. the 4 year old will grow so fast.

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Magstoyou
Member
‎07-21-2014 10:07 AM

Thoughts and prayers coming for you and your family!!!!

Love Ya Mag370

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Thomas3.20.2010
Member
‎07-21-2014 10:25 AM

My heartfelt condolences to you and your Family, Sharon! We will be with you in spirit so you can draw on the strength of our Friendship and honor Mary with sisterly Love! Take extra good care of you! 

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nanawendy
Member
‎07-21-2014 10:37 AM

Sending my condolences to you and your family.. Please remember that your EX family will be with you today. Sending warm hugs to you, Sharon.

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marilyn_marmac
Member
‎07-21-2014 11:12 AM

Prayers & love, today and every day. I wish I could reach out and hug you.

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Storm.3.1.14
Member
‎07-21-2014 11:49 AM

Putting an arm across your shoulders right now, Sharon!

((((hug))))

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TigerLadie
Member
‎07-21-2014 11:54 AM

oh Sharon... you strength and love are such an inspiration to me.  You honor your sister by honoring your commitment to yourself.... I am with you... I know you can't feel it but I am holding your hand. There is no shame in crying and you are right... SMOKING WILL NOT FILL THE HOLE IN YOUR HEART... it gives nothing and only takes... I know you don't need me to tell you this but my heart is breaking for you and needs to say something... you are amazing... 

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Giulia
Member
‎07-21-2014 12:00 PM

Sharing your pain.  Wish I could take it away.  It's okay to cry in front of people - it's your sister's "celebration".  You know?   Thoughts your way, prayers upward.

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phyllis-12-7-15
Member
‎07-21-2014 12:09 PM

Dear Sharon, I hope you feel the comfort of our loving arms around you all through this day. Your EX Family

HUGS

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elvan
Member
‎07-21-2014 12:34 PM

Sharon, I so wish there was a way to lift the pain from your shoulders and from your family.  I have not lost a sibling and I cannot imagine how I will deal with it if or when I do. I think it is so special that you found that book of poetry that YOU gave her so long ago and that she directed you to read at her celebration of life.  It is so hard to know what to say at a service and it is an incredible testament to how kind and loving she was that she is helping out even now.

You will be in my prayers and in the prayers of many people here as well as in other parts of your life.  I am sure that you will feel those prayers and I am so proud of you for realizing that smoking would not help and would only serve to make you feel worse.

Your sister was very lucky to have you in her life!

Love, Ellen

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jeanne-8-4-13
Member
‎07-21-2014 12:48 PM

Sharon, I wish so much that I could be with you in your time of grief. My thoughts and my prayers are with you though. I hope you know that your EX family is always here for you, if you need some one to talk to call me. We love you, please take care of yourself, too.

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sparky26
Member
‎07-21-2014 04:46 PM

My mom passed in 1994 , then my sister was murdered in 1996 . Losing your parents and siblings are difficult. Sending you and your family peace and comfort today and for the days ahead . Cry loud and often it's how we heal the hole in our heart.

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Michwoman
Member
‎07-21-2014 06:30 PM

If I could only put my arms around you my friend!! Be good to yourself. Don't try to be "over it". Like you, I don't cry and sometimes it puzzles other people but everyone deals with grief in their own way. I've lost two brothers so I truly know your pain. Mary is with you - she is doing great and in a much better, pain-free place. Hold on to that thought. Love you roller-coaster buddy!!

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moody_9-18-13
Member
‎07-21-2014 06:46 PM

Hugs and love are best when you really need both, so I offer a big hug and lots of love on this day as you remember all the good times with Mary.

Wishing you peace in the knowledge that  you will see her again.

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freeneasy
Member
‎07-21-2014 06:54 PM

Thoughts and prayers with you and your family. 

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lindan_7-14-10
Member
‎07-21-2014 07:04 PM

I know the pain of losing a sister. Mine died 20 years ago. My love is with you, Sharon as you prepare your final goodbye to Mary. Hold on to your loved ones, you all need one another now. Prayers gowing up, blessings coming down♥

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Strudel
Member
‎07-21-2014 08:24 PM

Sharon - I am sending prayers, special thoughts, and a big old hug your way! I know you will not smoke - I know you have that strength! I am so sorry that you are faced with all of this..... Please - feel the love from all of us! Take care! 

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cheyenne7
Member
‎07-21-2014 10:12 PM

Sharon, let the tears flow....when they knock on our eyes doors...we need to let them out....I am praying for you and your family to find peace and comfort....you know that is what your sister would wish for you.

I find it amazing that you found that poem that your sister had bookmarked, how wonderful that you included that....you are such a special sister, and know I am thinking of you.

HUGS!!!

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karen230
Member
‎07-21-2014 10:48 PM

My heart is hurting for you Sharon. I admire how very strong and wise you are in knowing that smoking will not fill the hole on your heart. In your grief you give that strength of yours to us by sharing that. I will say a very special prayer for you and your family today. I hope you will have some quiet time to rest and take care of yourself in the days to come. 

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karen230
Member
‎07-21-2014 10:48 PM

My heart is hurting for you Sharon. I admire how very strong and wise you are in knowing that smoking will not fill the hole on your heart. In your grief you give that strength of yours to us by sharing that. I will say a very special prayer for you and your family today. I hope you will have some quiet time to rest and take care of yourself in the days to come. 

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elims-09-14-13
Member
‎07-22-2014 12:09 AM

(((((((Sharon)))))

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About the Author
Gone but Not Forgotten. RIP I've thought so many times about quitting, done a few quits with the longest being 9 months. Blamed that relapse on my sister because she broke her hip. This time I feel different 8/5/13:The first day of my forever quit. About me? Well, I'm old enough that I am going to semi-retire (work 2 days per week) starting in October, 2013. I have 2 grown sons, 2 older sisters, 2 cats. I'm passionate about my work, love mystery books. I give all the glory for my work, any successes I may have to God and prayer. I have a lot of people praying for me right now and that is where I feel the strength. I also am finding strength, information and support from this site. I hope I can offer some of that to others when I get past the newbie stage. 9/4/13 30 days today!! I've learned so much since I've been coming here each morning (and sometimes at night). Words: choose, not try-----decision----not giving anything up, but gaining---I'm worth so much more than a cigarette. These are only a few of the pearls of wisdom that I've taken to heart. So many great people. I learn something each and every time I come on here. I'm learning about myself too. I teach clients everyday that feelings are feelings and ok to have, but I've always fought that concept myself. I heard when I was little "what have you got to cry about?" so I learned not to cry. If anger was shown it meant going back and shutting the door 10 times quietly or maybe getting the wrath of my parent. So, I learned not to cry, not to feel anger. I'm learning now that I have those feelings and that smoking pushed them aside and down. They are there and real. Now I'm trying to learn how to show and express them instead of going off by myself for a smoke. I have supporters. The biggest pride is what I feel in myself. With each day I wake up I can say "Today is day ____" and I feel proud. Not the kind of pride like I could never fail. That is a realization and why I need to be aware and conscious each moment. No, smoking doesn't solve anything. And today I am proof that I can go on without the crutch of a cigarette! 8/5/17 4 Years Quit!!! Who would have "thunk" it? I never took responsibility for my relapses, always blamed whatever it was that occurred. So, when I quit on 8/5/13 I knew I REALLY wanted it to work, knew that I needed as much support as I could get but I think deep down I was afraid this one wouldn't take either. So, I did as much positive as I could: Chantix, prayer, atomic fire balls, telling friends AND coming to the EX many times throughout the day. The people here became my friends as well as my family. I could share when I was struggling and get encouragement. Have there been struggles in my life since then that would have "caused" me to smoke in the past? Of course! Life goes on and troubles happen even when you don't smoke. I lost my sister who was also my best friend, my diagnosis of lung cancer and the treatment that has gone on since then (dr tells me "not curable, but treatable"). Would smoking make any of those things better? OF COURSE NOT! But when you're an addict the brain tells tons of lies to you..... Newbies: use the resources that the EX provides to you and you will have major milestones too. I thank my family here and love each and every one of you that have helped me! Too many names to mention.