Heeeeey Sootie!! Good catch. “Compelled” was a poor choice of a word. My bad. Something sparked Tommy’s desire to state an apology in the event anyone was offended. That was all I was getting at.
I don’t think he was attacked directly in this space either. I don’t believe I said he was attacked????
I totally agree the debate was civil. Especially the back and forth between you two great friends!
Every day I am thankful for the people on this site who care about me! Thank you Stacie! Thank you Sootie! Thank you to everyone I talked to today! The truth is I did feel the need to apologize! It was brought to
my attention that someone, and I don’t know who, was upset enough to bring my comments and writing style to the attention of those in control! As I said, I did not intend to upset anyone! At any rate, thank you to everyone who supported me today! And thank you Stacie for always having my Six!
I stand corrected and am sorry you felt the need to apologize. For MY part....I did not see any need. You feel as you do, you have the right to state it as do any of us.
We own guns in my family. My neighbor has this on his truck. For whatever reason we don’t like each other. We don’t say anything but just little passive aggressive things like parking his truck in a douchy way. Lol
Some more information on this thread and the situation that arose. I'd like to clear things up so that hopefully we avoid a similar situation in the future.
Not trying to sound like I'm talking about him (pir8fan) while he's in the "room" but I wanted you to understand more about the situation that arose.
pir8fan was not asked to apologize. He did that on his own accord. I didn't feel it was necessary. Rather, I wanted him to be aware that his responses were brought to my attention because 1. the topic could be difficult for some (the reporter might not even have been personally offended but thought I should be aware) given its political nature and 2. there were aspects of his writing style that were contributing to the tone of the discussion that added additional emphasis beyond his normal posting style. I have met him in person and acknowledge how helpful he's been to members of this community. Not only is he passionate about this community and its purpose but he's passionate about his country too, that's evident in the times that I've met him.
I'm going to veer off tangentially for a moment because it's a somewhat related topic...
This is an online community and there are accepted netiquette practices to ensure smooth operation of the site. Guidelines are used to ensure members are aware of normative behaviors and also are used so that when an issue arises, they can be referenced and the rules enforced. This ensures a safe and inclusive environment for all. Rules are necessary in all aspects of life. Online communities especially need them so that chaos doesn't ensue as some people think because they're anonymous that common decency can be thrown out the window. Communities where guidelines are not adhered to, quickly become environments no one likes to come to. This community has very little moderation in comparison to other communities that I've managed. Most people are respectful and normal day to day activities go on without a hitch. Fortunately, we don't have people coming on the site specifically to start drama. The drama that has started with people who have recently come on the site was not likely intentional.
For example. On occasion, new members are misunderstood, struggle to quit, don't understand the site, the responses they receive, aren't aware of the adopted practices("take the best and leave the rest") and a multitude of other things. They're fragile, they're sensitive and desperate for help and things for whatever reason get off on the wrong foot. They feel like an outsider and may say something on here that they would never say directly to someone's face(we all could potentially do that). Usually those things get said to the person that desperately wants to help them. Other frequent members, who already see the kindness and benefit of the community, see the post and react in defense of that established member. And in some cases have been labeled a "troll". I get why it happens. It's understandable but unnecessary. People naturally defend sacred things. Unfortunately, the situation quickly escalates into something it shouldn't have. The person looking for help gets even more frustrated, defensive and combative and sadly, a fair portion of the time, wants to leave the site. Hopefully, we can all agree we don't want that to happen. Let me give you a little more context so you can understand how we call can be more effective at helping each other.
First a story. Long before I worked on online communities, I worked in a call center and to talk with people who would be extremely angry when I first got on the phone with them after they had talked to numerous other people before me. They had talked to numerous other call center agents who could have, but didn't solve their problem. Some of the people would be thankful that they were talking to someone finally who took the time to assist with their complex problem while other people had said 4-6 expletives before I could even introduce myself. The first group of people really were a pleasure to talk with and were often really appreciative that I helped them sort through their problem. I worked to understand their problem, dissected the issue and then worked towards a solution. I was meticulous. The ones who were swearing, I empathized with as well but I had to take a different approach. I still had to work to understand their problem, largely ignoring their verbal onslaught of abuse initially, realizing that they were rightfully upset, likely because they had been through the ringer by the people before me who failed to ask the simple key questions to properly understand the issue before presenting a solution. The previous support people they had talked to at my company probably conveyed frustration in their voice to the customer when their solutions didn't work because they had failed to really understand the issue and were instead more focused on assuming the answer and pushing out the same answer that had worked 70% of the time. Unlike in an online community where I can choose who I want to engage with, I was forced into that interaction. In the end it was so gratifying when I could solve their problem. I had to establish to them that I was ready and willing to help them and they had to decide that they wanted to be helped. There were a handful of people who I had to put the ball in their court when it was determined that though they had a legitimate issue weren't ready to be helped. I let them know that I was ready and willing to help them when they decided they were ready to be helped.
Here we can choose who we interact with and who we help. Those we choose not to help will be none the wiser. Online communities are not just about solving problems. They enable us to connect with people elsewhere that we would not normally come in contact with. It's a very special thing. And the larger it becomes and the more diverse people that are included the more amazing it becomes. Especially if those people all find value in the site.
Truth be told, it takes quite a bit of effort(marketing and other resources) to get someone to the site if they don't find it on their own. If they find us, we don't want them to leave. So I have a lot of interest in retaining all people come to the site. I'm inclusive and there is room for all. This is why it is vital to do all you can to focus on the problem or issue a person is having and understand them. Sometimes you have to ignore their frustration or harsh words as they face their addiction knowing they came her for the purpose of quitting. They don't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. They're struggling. This isn't to say anyone should put up with abuse. It won't be tolerated from anyone. No one should, but we must realize the capacity of someone coming to a new place for support, the inherent challenges of quitting compared to those who have been around to learn the site, build relationships and are more confident in their quit.
With this in mind we need to think about the interactions we have with each other and the outward perceptions of those interactions for guests and lurkers who don't have the context and awareness of the intricate interactions that have developed in this community. When a heated discussion bubbles to the top and becomes popular on the home page, people can quickly get the wrong impression before they even comment. At that point only your words and formatting matter. Those words and formatting determine whether a person comments or not. For others it determines, whether they continue reading or not as they might not be comfortable to comment. It's a delicate balance, no doubt between being raw and real while still maintaining that welcoming supportive environment that encourages someone to feel as though they're ready to be a part of it.. Most of you have read posts where a person has asked for compassion(some asking for permission to smoke) and you have also read posts about people who relapsed for a while and finally realized they needed tough love. Everyone's at different points Those diverse interactions and experiences exist across the site and all have value, but they only can happen if we listen and react to the person who comes and seeks assistance. It's about them, even though by helping them we likely also get some gratification out of helping them. Without them, we don't have that potential.
So it's important to keep our voice and our writing styles but we all have to modify our writing styles to some degree to come together and be properly understood. I modify my writing style in every community that I participate in. In communities I seek information I put my writing in a way so that I'll most likely get responses to my discussions and questions. In communities where I help out and provide assistance I write in ways that are hopefully most helpful and understandable and applicable to the widest audience. I'm still me but I have to let go of some of my own nuances for the benefit of the community. I'm doing this for the greatest impact. That's why people are here paying it forward, right? And the people coming here for help are looking for the people who are going to have the greatest impact on their quit, right? So it makes sense to do what you can to ensure you're understood and your words get to as many people as possible. I am often writing and rewriting my thoughts to minimize the different ways that people might interpret them and still things get misunderstood. I'll always clarify and encourage questions so that I have the opportunity to get on the same page with people. 99% of the time it's misunderstanding.
Keep these things in mind to help with smooth operations:
All members are encouraged to use the "report abuse" button when they feel content posted on the site is questionable based on our Guidelines.
When in doubt, mark it and we'll take care of it.
Reports are anonymous so others won't know you reported it. See #2
Do explain why you marked something as abuse when you make the report. It helps us understand your concern. We also look for context but providing it helps me sort and untangle.
Include links and context if there is background that isn't apparent in the thread.
Keep email notifications copies of questionable content you've received.
Don't respond to posts that you have marked as abuse.
Let me handle it.
People who respond can get in as much trouble as the person who posted questionable things. (see #3)
Don't encourage others to mark the same post as abuse. One report will suffice.
Reported posts are reviewed and we'll determine if the content is fit for the site or it is not.
If a portion of the posted content is not inline with our community guidelines then it will be removed.
Only prohibited content is removed.
Sometimes posts are not edited at all.
If you're content is marked as abuse, you're not in trouble.
Do wait to hear from us.
Don't call someone out publicly or talk about them in private or public in reaction to a situation.
Do respond to us if we ask for clarification about the situation.
Watch for a notification that your content has been approved or rejected.
If rejected: You'll need to edit your post before it can be approved. We'll send you a note informing you what might need an edit.
If approved: No action is needed. We may have removed prohibited content and left a note.
If someone is attacked on the site:
Do use the report abuse button. You don't need to email me separately.
Don't come to their aid, other than to click report abuse button.
Let us handle it, the person will be removed, if necessary.
Retaliation isn't permitted.
Moderation:
Is not a fun or easy task but it is a necessary task.
Is tricky if you don't follow #5
I'm always trying to be impartial.
With complex issues, I discuss with others on my team before making decisions.
I'd rather be helping than moderating.
Sites with member-lead moderation often have very strict rules/standards.
I'm the only moderator unless, I'm on vacation.
If you have an issue, with operations, let's talk privately.
Complaining publicly doesn't help us improve.
Everyone in this thread has value to this community and I appreciate that you've worked to agree to disagree on the topic. Hopefully, we can all agree that no matter where you stand on this topic or how you interpreted the shared image that no one should leave the site over this topic or the opinions shared.
