WHY POST POETRY ON A QUIT SMOKING SITE?

[stilltheredavid]

Dear beautiful everybody,

Why do I post my poetry on this site? What does a mirror, an anchor or a broken heart have to do with quitting smoking? Nothing, I guess. Everything, I guess again.

I battle depression. Everyday I despair of my life and want to smoke. Every night I pray that God might kill me in my sleep. I see myself by and large as a failure and a loser. I studied medicine but didn't finish. I've cheated on my wife and now live a marriage of little love and quick to the draw squabbles. I earn my impoverished living by putting in video game machines in Mom and Pop stores here in Mexico. This country is poor and plagued with delincuency and organized crime. I feel estranged from my two teenage daughters who were once my adorable little girls. I have nothing to go back to in the states; no degree, no resumé, nothing. I'm 52. I have dabbled in music and photography but I have no faith in making a living as an artist so I continue with this souless business which barely pays my rent. There it is. Here I am, ugly and useless with 9 badges to my name here and barely a month gone by since my last relapse with both alcohol and cigarettes.

So I write poetry to escape from my life for a moment. I post it here because you have loved me. You have made me feel good about something I can believe in and I do believe in the beauty of poetry. I have read and listened to many poems by many poets and they sooth me. So, if by off chance, my poems can do this for others, I find relief from my own bleak existence.

I smoked and drank to self medicate my out of balance brain for 27 years. Poetry does not provide the dopamine rush of nicotine or the early beer buzz on an empty stomach but it allows me to love myself for a biref moment in time.

I have you. I have words. I live this life in ugliness and dread. I imagine myself in the parts I invent and play.

I am the anchor I wrote about and you are the glimmering Irish cliffs and fields that shimmer beneath me in the kite of my dreams.

Thank you for allowing me to post my poems for you.

Love,

David.

[Nyima_1.6.13]

It breaks my heart to hear you talk about your depression! I hope you got my message yesterday and know that, while it is often very dark, I find your poetry thought provoking and that for me evokes my creative endeavors! You provide a distraction with your writing and that is a wonderful way to give back!

Think about looking at the mindfulness blogs! Those techniques can be quit helpful with depression!

[YoungAtHeart]

I truly do not know what to say.  Surely you can still find beauty and solace in a sunrise, or the giggle of a child, or the sheer joy on the face of a couple in love?  

I hope you can work on finding a few beautiful things each day, and treasure them?  Instead of making a list in your head of all the shortcomings you see in yourself, perhaps you can start a list of the good things you have done ---- for surely your life has not been so bleak as to not contain them!  

And, today is a new day.  Perhaps it's the day you can hold a door for someone, and smile and say "buenos tardes!"to those you meet going about your job?  Perhaps you can spend a minute today being thankful you have a roof over your head, food to eat and a job - even one you don't much life.  

I hope today is a better one for you,  It IS in your power to make it so.  I hope you can still see that.

Nancy

Quit 7/4/12

[sarai]

Haven't read any of your poetry yet, but having it put in perspective like this helps a lot.

Oh boy, do I ever know the feeling of depression - I might not be able to relate to your current life circumstances, but I can certainly relate to feeling the void. It is a dark, lonely and unfriendly place. On the other hand, despite what you call a poor relationship with your wife, I am jealous that you had a chance to form that kind of connection with someone, so even you have people who look at you and think you have something that the rest of us don't. Kinda feel embarrassed about admitting that, but so be it!

But now, knowing your background, you have a little bit more work to do than the rest of us, in my opinion. You have to unlearn the habit of using alcohol and nicotine as coping mechanisms, and learn new coping mechanisms to replace the old ones, but you also have to find non-chemical ways for coping with your depression too. It's all possible, but it will take practice and time. 

I believe that you still have a chance to turn things around. I hope you find it within yourself to make the most of it, because unfortunately, nobody else can do it for you. 🙂 I wish that were true!!

[Maryjo1953]

David,

 your blog a couple days ago really helped me understand NML.  So sorry for your struggles take comfort in helping all people who read your blogs.  Take care of yourself.

[Bee_Jay]

David, You were given a gift of words. Use them to right the wrongs and write your way out of the dark room you happen to be residing. Poetry is the the higest form of communication. Peace, David

[Buddy12]

I can identify with many of the sentiments you express. Please know that there are people here ( and probably elsewhere) who care very much about your condition in life. I hope that you find a relief to your sadness. I, for one, am happy to read your work and after reading your blog, I will read your future work more carefully. 

[whognu_1-2007]

We care about you and we care about your quit.

Cherish your quit!

[Crunkgrinder]

Your poetry is beautiful, and I feel I can relate.

About 5 years ago I was diagnosed with major depression. I was on medications, I was hospitalized twice. I wrote poems. A lot of poems. In fact, I had notebooks filled front to back with poems so used that pages were falling out. I shared my poems with others, I posted them on sites online. It was the only way that I could explain how I felt to anybody. It was the only way I could ask for help.

I don't write poetry anymore. Looking back, I can't specifically remember one poem I had written that had a joyful mood to it, either. But the intricate words I painted  on those pages were the only way I knew how to let it out. Poetry still speaks to me in a way that nothing else does, so I encourage you to share as much of it as you want to.

However, I hope one day you may reconsider making a living as an artist because the poems of yours are art at its greatest.

[Mandolinrain]

David~I'm happy to read your poetry. I write a bit myself and it very therapuetic for me. Some I share, some is just for my eyes. I have notebooks from years ago that when I go back and look at them, I am amazed at where I was then and where I am now.

Never stop writing, so good for the soul. Keep your head up and your quit strong. You are loved....hugs~Missy

[nikki77]

David, your poetry is a gift and that is who you are:)A beautiful soul that is overcoming addiction just like all of us. I'm so glad I have met you... Your poetry is your release.. Thank you for sharing:)

[Giulia]

I'm gonna beat your butt boy.  Expect it momentarily.  ♥

[joyeuxencore]

I will bet anything you got a private message from a member who loves to berate everyone for sharing their lives...be it poetry, travel plans, depression...What has recently been private messaged to people is appalling, insensitive, self-righteous and horrible! They are few and far between here these days as thankfully most of the mean people have taken their blogs, pages and bad attitudes and left.

You know how I feel about your poetry...Finding a picture for it adds to the quality of my day and for me that is the beauty of having quit smoking...I care about things now...in a new and deep way...I can see the community feels the same!

I have traveled extensively in Mexico...back when I was married! Hang in there friend and stay with us...keep posting your poetry...You are part of the family here! xo

[wishingstar]

I agree with bee jay, you have away with words.  That is your talent and I have read many of yours. Because for one I love to read. When I read  your poems. I am captured until the end.  I have seen depreshion firsthand with my mom. I would always wish she could see the beauty of things and find Happiness. I hope this for you to.

 Looking out the window , taking in the smells the sights of things. Listeing to a bird chirp. Squirels gathering for their winter harvest. Nothing more beautiful then a stary night.

Lot  of do not have jobs we like, but you found an outlet. Keep posting . because this girl will be reading it. 

[freeneasy]

Why not? Some members enjoy it and the ones that don't don't have to read it... Roses are red violets are blue we are trying to quit smoking but need other stuff too!

[Michwoman]

David - Please continue to post your poetry. We all have unique ways of expressing the thoughts in our minds and souls. Yours is in your poetry. I will say that I don't understand it but so what - I know that many many do.

It seems to me that most smokers and recovering smokers suffer from depression and I am no exception. 

We love ya David - you have a home here.

[Strudel]

Thank YOU David.......Since poetry "allows me to love myself for a biref moment in time...." - You must keep writing it! Congrats on your quit...stay close...keep sharing. 

[smorgy8513]

David,  please keep writing and posting your poetry.   As I told you before..I do read your gifts of words, sometimes read them more than once and get more of it the next time.   If anyone has told you this is not the place..they are wrong.

I love to write and some time i may post something I've done here as well.   It is how we express ourselves.

As far as your depression....are you on medication or can you get on medication?  I work in this field and know that meds can help get past the darkest spot so that you can begin to recognize the glimmers of hope and beauty that are out there.  Please do not give up, on yourself or on life.  We never know what wonderful thing may just be waiting for us around the corner.

Sharon

[Sootie]

Your ability with words is a gift and your quit is also. So there are two bright spots in your world. It sounds as if you also have your health so there is another. And, of course, you have some really good friends on here who enjoy seeing yourposts here in our community. I hope you will count me as one of them.

Stay Strong.

[joyeuxencore]