Oh what a day! I'm still kind of worked up. This is what I mean when I say I cant calm down. My sister and I almost got into a fist fight about 3hrs ago and it's still lingering in me I don't know if I want to scream cry or laugh I just don't know! I've done deep breathing, cold water, called a friend, and went shopping to take my mind off it but none of it worked. SINAO!! I've always been the "screw up" of my siblings. I didn't graduate high school, I was never allowed in extracurricular activities, I had my first child at 18, I was married by 21 and widowed by 23 and did I mention I started smoking at 16 my husband helped me quit and I started back after I lost him. I still try to find positivity in my life, though I didn't graduate high school I got my GED and shortly got my CNA license. My kids are my world the only ones to love me unconditionally. And there's my sister that watched me go through hell and back with my mom. She's 16 and everything I wanted to be when I was 16 except her attitude is terrible. She's taller than everyone in the house so she disrespect my mom (she's disabled) and she tries to do the same to me. My mom is afraid of her so I have to be the bigger person and diffuse every situation it's a strain and it hurt because I wasn't nearly as bad and got treated like dirt. Let's not dwell on the past but after tonight I feel like they're all against me again. I've been searching for genuine love and support all my life I give it to myself but it's nothing like having family a REAL family 😞
