Trying to catch up on everything!

[zackie09_51214]

Well today is day 89 since my forever quit. It is going pretty good. I have gotten a lot of reading done this summer and I plan to keep on reading. I am going to have to go down to Dollar Tree and get more word searches soon. Today also is a good day because later tonight the Timbers Vs. Sounders (Portland Vs Seattle) game is going to be televised on one of the few channels we have. So being able to watch the futbol (soccer) game will make me happy. For those of you that have been following me for a while now, and ever so faithful, in previous blogs I have talked about my older brother. As you know he was Falsely accused and convicted and incarcerated. We were trying to get him parolled from Texas to Oregon...unfortunately the state of Oregon denied the parole request but didn't even have the decency to tell us...even after we did the home visit, and had called them to see if it had been accepted or not. I found out that in a letter my brother wrote that he wasn't getting parolled up here. He thought we knew. Well they found a place to release him to in El Paso, Texas. He was released yesterday, as they told him they were going to do...and we didn't really think he would be able to call us or anything..but he found a guy that let him use his phone. He called us and it was the first time I've heard my big brother's voice in almost three years. I have to say shock went completely through my body from head to toe. I was so happy to hear from him. When he talked to my mom...the look on her face was one I haven't seen in a very very long time. she was beaming. The biggest smile, and that made me so happy. Her voice changed she was completely different. and I found out my brother should be getting a phone as soon as the state gets it to him through the mail, they said 4 - 6 weeks, but they usually come faster than that. Needless to say hearing my brothers voice is the best thing to happen in a long long time. I'm switching counselors and I am still really nervous about it. I've met the new counselor already but it's just that I don't accept change well at all. I have serious trust issues. And everything is so complicated right now it's just like I seriously didn't need this now...the timing is not right. I'm not sure if I mentioned this in my blog the other day but mom and I are on the public housing list for three places...unfortunately we don't even find out our position on the list until december...and I can't stand the thought of being at my dads that long. We are looking for apartments but I just can't find anything in our price range. If I had internet at home it would be much easier because I could look for hours and hours..not just the hours the library is open. I might be getting a different cell in the future and my mom would use the one I have and then I would have a phone that would most likely have unlimited internet and stuff which maybe then I could find a way to get on here. I am trying to make it a habit of getting to the library every day and updating. yesterday I had written up a blog and everything but the wireless internet was shut off like three seconds prior to me pressing the publish button. So it couldn't go through...that's why I made this one of my priority things. I'm trying to not go extended periods without checking in with everyone because I know I'm not in the living position right now with us staying at my dads. But that is the only place we can stay. We don't know anyone else and we are extremely low income..way under the poverty line. I'm still awaiting the notification of the date of the courtdate for my disability appeal hearing from the Adjunct Judicial Court Judge (AJC) I have lawyers to represent me now. I have some good news though...me and my mom have decided to do walking every single day as exercise and we bought a pedometer for our excercise because it tells you the distance you've walked in miles..we are starting to get up to almost 2 miles a day now..which was better then when I could on do like 0.03 of a mile and that would be at the max at one time. Hopefully I can lose this weight...and will be healthier. Thankfully I now, with the proper medication doseage have my Thyroid all regulated. In other update news...My fifth grade graduating class had a reunion type get together. I was suppose to go but I just couldn't force myself to...that is my ptsd and anxiety disorders. Just thinking about doing it, my heart starts to pump...and also if there were cigarettes around and I was really anxious I don't know if I would be able to control myself. My quit means way more to me than that. It's taken me years to get to this point and I'm not going to let anything mess it up. Oh and after I talked to my brother. The phonecall was disconnected and all; tears let loose, I had begun crying. It is one of the things I try to hold in the most. I hate it hate it hate it. My mom and I have agreed that we have to get into our own place as soon as we possibly can. Being at my dads, after having freedom of us being away from him, I feel as if its a jail. I mean obviously I know it's not. But at the moment it feels as if it is with us not being able to get into our own place. What makes it hard is low money, no rental history, nothing. Nothing that the landlords or proprerty management companies want. I'm trying to keep my head up, I try to remain optimistic but there are times like these where I can't help but be pessimistic. That's one of the reasons I try to get out of the house as much as possible. We've found help for our outstanding electricity bill but unfortunately the help won't be until friday or thursday I believe and the electric company is shutting off our electricity on monday and they already know we're getting help and won't wait just a few days...it's supposed to be around 100 degrees (F) on monday so we won't have our air conditioner which we rely on very much because none of us deal with heat well at all. I'm sussceptible to heat stroke and with all my medicatons it is going to be much harder...plus since our house was built in 1900 It doesn't do the best in the summer... it can get extremely uncomfortable. Well I'm hoping that they decide to have something that may resemble a concious or a heart and will wait until out appointment but im not counting on it. So I guess I will be at the library quite a bit until we have the electricity back on. It could be worse..at least we have a roof over our heads...and best of all no matter what I still have my quit which is one of THE most important things in my life. We are praying for you and you are all in our thoughts as this fight against all of this adversity goes on. It's like they say; "Nothing worth anything comes easy, you have to fight to win the race"