My name is Heather I have been a smoker for 22 years, starting at 16 years old. When first starting to smoke I was trying to be cool and **bleep** off my parents and before I knew what hit me I was hooked. Through my teenage years I smoked and honestly did drugs (in recovery for a pill addiction have been off pills for 6 years now). When I was a teen smoking started as fun then became a crutch to deal with all the ****** up crap that happened in my years in a haze while partying; black outs, rape, loss of friends, etc. Well then as I got older I met my now ex and had a kid which stopped my crazy partying days for a while. Well the my husband left and back to partying I went to escape the pain. A year later me and my husband had another child after reconciliation, when he was 6 months old he left again and I started partying again and met a new guy, my daughter's dad. He was terribly mean and abusive and during that relationship I became addicted to pills and was smoking about 2 packs a day to deal with all the stress and pain, along with eating pills like candy. Finally I got rid of him and I cut all ties 100%, took my kids and essentially disappeared. When my daughter was 6 months old I met my current boyfriend, he is everything good that a true partner should be. I struggled with pills for the first 3-4 years of our relationship until I had enough and found help. Through all this I still had my cigarettes my crutch. My daughter who is 10 years old has many mental health issues she can be an angel or my worst nightmare and everything she is being a butt a run to my cigarettes. So many triggers stress at work and long hours, stress from my kids, memories from my past, stress and anxiety in general make me crave cigarettes. I have tried NRT and went for 1 month without smoking, one day my daughter was being a butt and the cycle started all over again, one puff and I was done. It is time to hold myself accountable, find new ways to deal with stress, and become a happy healthy person without running to cigarettes every time I get upset. No more substances holding me hostage, it's time for a change.
