I've been a smoker for 10 years. I started smoking when I was going through a divorce ten years ago. But I was a secret smoker. I hid it from my daughter, my sister, my friends, my co-workers, my family. I quit a couple years after. But then I started up again when my boyfriend and I started seeing each other every weekend. I never smoked on my own during the week, just the weekends. I used to call myself The Weekend Toker. A few years later, my boyfriend and I got engaged and he moved in. Slowly, I began to join him for his after work smokes. Then his after meal smokes. Then between tv shows smoke breaks. Before I knew it, I could no longer call myself The Weekend Toker. But still, I refused to call myself a smoker, I refused to say I was "hooked." Probably because I was still hiding it from my daughter, sister, parents, co-workers, and friends. In the back of mind, for over a year now, I've been telling myself I can quit anytime. To this day, I still believe that. This week, Monday morning, 4 days ago, I stopped my morning cigarette. It felt so good to not smell and have to spend an extra 5-10 minutes getting rid of the smell. When I get home after work, my fiance is already home. It's been our habit to greet each other and step outside for a smoke while we tell each other about our day. For four days, I kept that routine. But here's the good thing - I only had one cigarette per day for the last four days. No more between tv shows smoke breaks, before bed smokes breaks, or just because smoke breaks. For the entire week I've had no cravings other than the routine after work smoke break. Yesterday, I actually didn't think about smoking during my drive home. I feel strong. So, today, Friday, after work, I'm going to tell my fiance that I'm done smoking, for good. He'll be supportive. He wants to quit, too. But it has to be his own decision. Hopefully he'll join me. The next challenge for me is going to be the weekend. If my fiance takes smoke breaks, will I wish I could join him? I'm telling myself I won't, because I want this to be the end of my smoking. For good. Here goes nothing...
