Time To Move Forward.......

[ali2]

  Well I have been doing a lot of thinking the past couple of hours about my life, my actions and how I want to move forward. I am still feeling emotionally raw due to things that have happened around here lately. Yesterday when I chose to smoke, it was a very bad choice. Today when I smoked because now my body wanted the nicotine.......it was a very bad choice.  It did not take long for me to realize that what I was doing was not a part of ME anymore. In the past I would have kept smoking for days.......maybe weeks. But I am just not a smoker anymore and I do not lead that lifestyle. Not only was I hiding out like the old days, but I knew in my heart that the only way for me to have anything positive happen in my life was to be free from this addiction.  There has just been too much of a change within myself to go back. So for whatever reason I had to "check" it out again to see if anything had changed or something....it was a very miserable experience for me.

  I learned I am human and I make mistakes just like everyone else.  I think the biggest lesson in this for me was that... I need to care more about what I think of me and not so much about what others think of me.  I need to have self care. And I need to get working on the things that led me up to this point. 

  I am very thankful for my friends on this site.  Your continued support has meant a lot.

  Thank you

  Ali

[schwack]

Ali,

I'm SO glad you're still with us!  I know I'm just a newbie at quitting, but I have to tell you something that struck me in your blog post:  "I need to care more about what I think of me and not so much about what others think of me." -- I can tell you for myself when I smoked my last cigarette 13 days ago and woke the next morning-  I awoke feeling a need to be more selfish and self centered than I ever have in protecting my quit.  All my smoker buddies who doubted me, my family members who didn't think I could do it...  I cast all that aside and made myself and my quit the first and foremost priority every hour of every day.  There will come a day when I can again truly care for others, but until I lay a firm smoke free foundation the only person I can care for is myself.  Everyone's quit is different.  However, being selfish and focusing on me only is the cornerstone of mine.

Don't give up, don't ever give up.

[auntdee]

Ali, thank you so much for your post.  It made me realize just how precious each day is without smoking.   And how very important it is to get time under my belt.  At first, i felt forced to quit.  Now, i want it really bad.

You did good, sweetie.

Hugs,

Doris

[joe57]

Ali - For as long as I have known you, you have been caring and supportive of others.  I have learned more than you can imagine just by what you wrote to others as you helped them.  And it helped me as well and allowed me to learn a lot about myself and the "difficulties" that come with quitting.  Today you have taught me something else - no one can truly help someone else until they help themselves.  For now, you need to be the focus of you.  We all admire you - and now you need to admire you too.  If you want others to be positive about themselves and quitting you must also be positive about you.  You have met many challenges, you will meet many more, and you will win.  There is power in positive thinking just as there is power in WE. 

[Thomas3.20.2010]

Hi Ali!- When you quit around day 8 or so the nicodemon goes berserk trying to get things back to the way they were, i.e., smoking again because it's like the last ditch effort to establish the familiar.  Other situations in our lives are like that, too! When the status quo starts to change - obviously and seriously - then a panic sets in and those around us try with everything they've got to reestablish the equilibrium.  Well, there's only 2 directions to go - back to the familiar or forward into a scary unknown - you can't stay still because things are out of balance.  So everyone throws even the kitchen sink into getting things back the way they were.  You're ready to move forward so use that same tenacity you used to quit smoking to change other untenable situations in your life! The DECISION is yours to make. The process is very much parallel. Achieving 1 will help you achieve the others.  You have a support system. This is the time. GO FOR IT!

[miriam4]

Amen Ali, now you are talking!  Much Love to you

[greg42]

Ali, I know the real reason you smoked, to make me feel better. : )  How selfless of you to think of others. Okay, we have that behind us now.  I'm still smoke free since Monday.  We can start our count down again.  Yes, you deserve and have the right to think and take of yourself.  Get better, get stronger. We're going to run a marathon together.

[AutumnWoman]

Ali, I think you got the lesson from this experience.  It IS about taking care of ourselves.  Now get back to quitting as soon as possible so you can practice you self-care.  We're all here for you.

[sspahn49]

I have been there, quit many times and then start again. I have tried to learn from my past and move forward, they are not mistakes, just learning experiences. Good Luck and God Bless.

[ivy2]

Sounds like you got right back on track...only healthier.  Stay strong Ali! We'll all go through it with you...keep us posted : )