Tick Tock

[becks]

Time what are you doing?  I feel like you are messing with me.  I have been napping for a few hours...I awake and then back to sleep I go again.  It is because I don't have to feel messed up in my mind if I am sleeping.  I know I can win this, I know I am strong enough to do this but I feel so weak and sad right now. 

I am lonely. My husband leaves on Sunday afternoons to work out of town.  I wont see him until Thursday now.  I have my son here but he is a teenager and in his own world.  Friday when I told him I was quitting on Saturday March 10th, he replied "you wont be able to do it".  It hurts that he thinks that.  But I don't blame him...I have said I would quit for most of  his life time and I haven't.  He has no idea the addiction that haunts me.  My stomach hurts and I feel like I could puke at any minute.... when I am awake I cry.  I am concerned that I wont be able to function at work. In my planning I took tomorrow off so I am ok for another day, but I am now having anxiety about working in this state of mind.  I know I can fight this.  I don't want to lose this fight.  This is hard and I knew it would be but this Blog is all I have to purge these thoughts. I am such a mess right now.

[jojo_2-24-11]

Hey Becks, You aren't a mess, you are getting rid of an addiction you had for a long time. You can do this with some helpful hands here and with the determination that I know you have in you! It will get better each and everyday you don't smoke. Keep yourself busy and each time you think about a cigarette, remember that you don't smoke anymore. Each urge you get through will make you stronger for the next one and so on and so forth. Live here if you have to, it'll keep your hands busy and your mind on the important issues at hand. I found that talking about it here helped tons. There is always someone who had or is having some of the same issues and talking about it helps. Stay close and listen to your body, sleep when tired cry when sad. Do whatever it takes to not smoke.

[TheNewMe_Jo]

Let me first say you are not alone. You have us. I am used to my husband being gone for up to 9 months at a time. I know how you feel. Now, lets focus on the matter at hand. We cant control your husband traveling, that's a must. Cant change your son living his life, the way kids do. The rest is 100% doable. Your son had every right to feel the way he does. You said he has no idea how much this addiction haunts you, but he DOES. You don't think this affects him too? It has. Thats why he said you won't be able to do it. Not cause he has no faith in you, but he KNOWS how bad of an addict you are. See, we are so caught up in our own junkie minds thinking we got this addiction right where we want it, we are in control of it, but thats a LIE. Your feelings that you oosted are exactly what you must face, and you know it. Those are the only things you can control.

The tummy aches, the anxiety,the crying, all a part of your quit, it happened to me too. Man, I felt like a psycho going crazy. It will pass. Take it slow, go with it. Listen to what your body is saying to you and follow through. Yes, I was a mess too, this is something new you have to face without your ole friend the cigarette to get you through these emotions. Before, when your husband went away., you had your smokes to keep you company, now all you have is yourself. Dont let self pity get the best of you. You can win this and you will. and if you want to make it easier, start with a more positive attitude and get past this one moment. The things we can't control can consume us, instead of taking control. You are going to be fine. Just whatever you do, dont smoke. Relax , take deep breaths, calm down, drink hot tea, drink lots of juices and water. Get past one mine at a time, focus on that.

Make lists of things to do, around the house, places to go, errnds, chores around the house, get a project together. If you ever get a craving, come here before you go buy them and ask for help and wait for us to reply, we will talk you out of it. Everything you feel is normal and I know you can fight for your freedom. We're all here for you, you are not alone.

keep the faith

JoAnn

[babs13]

Hi Becks,

The first week of my quit, I spent lots of time sleeping.  Did my fair share of crying too.  Know that your feelings are very normal.  This is an emotional time for almost everyone.  Addiction really turns your head around.  Do whatever you need to do, to protect your quit. 

You did the absolute best thing to do, you came here and blogged.  You will get lots of different answers.  Do what works for you! 

Keep striving...  

[2012_is_for_me]

please don't worry about others' thoughts on your quit.   I suspect your worrying about others got you into this mess in the first place.  Concetrate on yourself and your quit first and foremost. Protect it and sourround it with only positive thoughts and actions.  I didn't work the first day of my quit and I think that helped me a lot.  Do what you need to do but know this quit is for you.  it's that simple.  I know you can do it.  Congrats on stepping off.  Just think of the freedom.