This is my last post...

[ncolwell]

I'm writing this post this morning with a heavy heart...

I've spent a little while this morning just lurking through the posts, and I'm disheartened to read some of the responses I've been reading to certain blog posts. It seems as though many of the users on this site have forgotten their manners, or just how to talk to people in general. Some people seem to have forgotten what it's like to be a smoker who is struggling to quit, but who just can't seem to find a way to break the addiction to cigarettes. I've seen belittling when people have been honestly asking questions, and I've seen snide remarks when people respond with utter sweetness to honest questions. 

It disgusts me, to be honest. 

I know there are some on this site who feel it is their duty to provide "tough love" to people to get them to see "the light." I, for one, took a long time to see the light, however I had to see it for myself. No amount of rude comments made me realize I needed to stop smoking. I had to come to that conclusion for myself. 

I'm a firm believer in loving people, even when they're the most unloveable, or when they're going through a tough time. Quitting smoking is hard, and if you've been successful at it, I certainly applaud you. However, I caution you to remember what it was like to be a struggling smoker who was trying their best to quit, but who failed time and time again. If you're one of the few who managed to quit on the first try, that's wonderful. However, to assume that everyone is going to be like you...well, that's just ignorance on your part. 

When I turned to this site for help, almost a year ago I think, I did so hoping that I would find some caring individuals who would give me some guidance and support. You see, I was a secret smoker, as I know many of you have been in the past. At the time, I didn't think I could come clean about my addiction with my husband or my kids. I needed an outlet, and I was met with a lot of anger when I tried to use this site for its intended purpose. 

I believe my quit method was the reason I was met with such hostility. However, my quit method is not the subject of this post because it immediately brings out the worst in most of the members here. 

So, I've decided to close my account and move on. I've beaten cigarettes and their hold over my life. I did so mostly through the support of my family and friends. There are other sites online that have also given me the support I need, and I'm truly thankful for them. 

If you've made it this far, I just want to caution you to please use courtesy when you post on this site. Many of the people here are hurting. You may think that your "tough love" is helping them, but for every person who accepts your hurtful words, there are that many more who have probably decided to go back to smoking because they're not getting the support that they need. 

We should all treat others the way we want to be treated. We may not all LIKE one another, but we should do our best to LOVE one another. A little bit of respect and a kind word go a long way. 

[JonesCarpeDiem]

You and your husband have both chosen to remain addicted to the habit part of smoking as well as nicotine by using an ecig.

That's perfectly fine for you but please give those who want to be free of both their opportunity instead of saying it's the way to go and pushing them in that direction.

You imply it's the way out and that you are free.

Free of what?

Take your dig and your ecig and have a great life

[ncolwell]

My point is made. 

Sadly. 

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Mine too!

[JRC]

I certainly have a different perspective on comments left. I have been on the site at least daily since last Aug.Maybe it's all in how one interprets the message. I have found "tough love" is given in a very caring manner. 

You do not need to "lurk". Sounds as if you were just looking for negatives.

Wish you and your husband well. I did see that you were using e cigs last Sept.to quit. Doesn't seem to work well, if the intent is to be free.

[ncolwell]

I'm going on 80 days quit, and he's been quit since February 2. I think it's going quite well, considering this is the longest time I've ever been without a cigarette since I started smoking. No desire to start back up either. 

[ShawnP]

Are you still on the ecig?

[Mike.n.Atlanta]

Do you really feel we've forgotten? I'm never reminded when I can't catch my breath. I'm never reminded when I'm out of breath after a short walk. Yeah...I can't recall anything about how tough it is.

"I've beaten cigarettes and their hold over my life." Do you really feel you've beaten cigarettes? Even if you have beaten them, you have not beaten their hold on your life. Nicotene still has a firm grip.

I wish you the best of luck in the future.

[kristine5-27-14]

I was also a secret smoker. I lied to a lot of people, most of all myself. I've coddled and pitied myself quite enough.  What I have found is that love and kindness are not always the same. One wants what is best for you, the other just wants you to be happy. People like Dale have been a God-send to me. I don't need another person to lie to me and protect my feelings. I DO need someone, (who cares about my health more than I have been) to lovingly tell me to "cowgirl up" and be tough.  A wise man once said: "quitting is not the hardest thing you will do in your life."   

I have found the love on this site (be it tough or tender) to always be in someones best interest. We all want to be free of smoking and nicotine, so we are here to hold eachother's hands for strength, and push eachother on towards our goal. 

I'm sorry you haven't found this site helpful. I hope you find something that will help you reach real freedom.

[ShawnP]

If you are still on the ecig, the addiction has not been beat! I agree with Mike here. I have been smoke free for 2 yrs now and i choose not to smoke but i have the addictive thoughts at times. We must always have  our guard up to that nicotine monster. He rears  his head at those times of our life when we get down and out, stress, etc. I wish you and your husband the best.

[Ms.J_11-10-2013]

I have been on this site for 7 months now, I read blogs daily and write often.  There is alot of love and compassion here and if you have missed that it is your loss.  We have all struggled as you have and sometimes we needed that Tough Love, or a good slap in the face to get our selves back in line.  Maybe you should reread the comments that seem to of offended you and look at them in a different light or maybe, like you stated, you should leave gracefully and carry on with what ever way you choose to quit.

Good Luck to you!

Jackie

[Ms.J_11-10-2013]

Oh by the way if you are still using the ecig you have not "beaten cigarettes and their hold over your  life." 

[ncolwell]

I do plan to leave. However, it's not as simple as finding a cancel button, I've found. I'm sending a message to admins to have them close my account. 

There are a lot of comments here that are loving and kind. There are some that are tough, and that should be tough. Even so, there are plenty more that are downright mean, and I don't need to log on to this site and see those every time I do. 

Some people have been offended at my use of e-cigs. Yes, I am still using them. I have lowered my nicotine down (once again), and I plan to lower it yet again within the next few weeks/months. My plan is to be vaping 0 nicotine very soon. Once I'm at 0, I might quit, or I might not. That's my decision. 

When I started posting here, I didn't do so with the intent to tell everyone that the way they were quitting was wrong. It's not. If you quit cold turkey and you've stayed quit, I think that's awesome. However, I find it hard to believe that other NRTs (even the nicotine inhaler, which is essentially the same thing as an e-cig without the vapor, and WITH about a dozen other chemicals added), are so accepted while e-cigs are not. 

Either way, some people offered me encouragement and support, and I think thank them for that. As for the others, well...I just hope you think long and hard about the way you treat people. If you are OK when people talk to you the way you talk to them, then I guess carry on. I just know I won't be around to see it much longer. 

[ncolwell]

Ms. J, I do not agree with you. A cigarette and an e-cig are very different. I don't even like to call them e-cigs. I call them personal vaporizers. The device I use looks nothing like a cigarette and it contains only one of the over 4,000 harmful chemicals that are in cigarettes. My lungs say I've beaten cigarettes. My health says I've beaten them. My DOCTOR says I've beaten them. 

Who are you to say I haven't? 

[pir8fan]

It is my belief that this site offers a very good combination of "Tough Love"
and "Compassion" I read here everyday, and do not find the level of bad manners you describe! Like any family we disagree from time to time, and people tend to take offense to things they do not agree with! In general we are all here for the same purpose! That is to quit smoking, and break our addiction to nicotine! Those with different agendas will be uncomfortable here!

If the site is not helpful to you then perhaps we do not offer what you need! We try to help all! But, we realize that we can not help everyone! The oft quoted mantra here is "take what you need and leave the rest! People here want you enjoy success!

What ever path you take, I wish you well!

Tommy

[pir8fan]

Re: Your last post!

Your health, your lungs, and your Dr. say you have beaten cigarettes!

Some people here say yyou have not!

The beauty of Freedom is that all can say what they want, and what they believe!

And you can believe what you want!

But, I can assure you that at 80 days quit, you have some more battles to fight before you can claim victory! I hope you win! 

Tommy

[Ms.J_11-10-2013]

Point taken, I am not a Doctor but as far as I know and maybe I am wrong and full of beans, but does the ecig not contain nicotine.  If that is the case yes you quit the real cig but if you are still pumping in nicotine from an ecig, inhaler, bong or peace pipe, whatever you choose you are still feeding your addiction!  If my information is wrong than shame on me and I apoligize.

Jackie

[linda258]

You should have a heavy heart.  You are addicted to nicotine and are trying to project the fact that you have not quit on others who are trying to help you.  It there are other places where people tell you that smoking an e-cig... yes, SMOKING...  an e-cig makes you a non smoker.... well, that may be an appropriate site for you.  

If you want the truth.... I would stay here.  All addicts act offended when someone tells the truth that they don't want to admit.... I think you protest too much.  

I say all this because I care... if it did not matter I would have just passed over your post.

So if this is the tough love  you don't appreciate ... I'm sorry.  If this post helps one person understand the power of the addiction.... it is worth your "believing" that I am rude.

Good luck to you... I know how hard this is ... I smoked two packs a day for 45 years.

[promise_judy]

Sounds to me you decided to move on. Good luck to you--cause you'r going to need it.

[maynell]

Dear ncolwell,

I say beat sickarettes any way you can and good luck. I slipped up so many times it's a joke. After 30 years though, with the help of this site, I quit for good. In my opinion, you can't be a little bit quit. For the full ride of freedom, you should try stepping out of the cycle of addiction, whatever shape it takes. All the best,

Maynell

1665 days without a puff

[brenda-again]

I have had ins and outs and ups and downs  with many people on this site. I have even left a time or two, but guess what I ALWAYS RETURN IT IS MY HOME.  No one out there compares to the support on this site.

My sis is on an ecig and she says sometimes it burns her throat.  The escape from nictotene means you must give it up in all forms.  I am a believer in cold turkey which i now call smart turkey and tomorrow is my quit date.  I could not imagine being anywhere but here tomorrow.  I think when people speak their words it is not to hurt but to save.  They have come down a hard road and we all as beginners or failers to look up and see maybe they have a reason for what they are saying.  Must be good advice because they are successful.  I believe in do what's best for you but sometimes we need someone to help us find what that is.

TRUTH MEANS FREEDOM.  Hope you have a successful quit.  Thanks for sharing your honest opinion with us that is another reason this site is home.  If your plans don't work out you can always come back HOME too

[Michwoman]

This post makes me sad. Not only am I sad to see a member leave, but also to be reminded what the addiction to nicotine can do do a person's mind. Nicotine addiction is a great "rationalizer".

Nobody is offended by your use of E-Cigs. It's just much easier for many of us to see that you still have a long way to go before you can say you are "quit" for good.

I wish you all the best! Take care!

[ncolwell]

I think people think if the addiction to nicotine and the addiction to cigarettes as the same thing. They are not. When I switched to ecigs I had some periods of serious withdrawal because of my body ridding itself from those other chemicals. Please don't misunderstand me, I know nicotine is addictive. However, I think the other chemicals in cigarettes are much more addictive.

[cheryl_1-1-14]

As it's been said, take what works for you and leave the rest.  I've come close to leaving a few times myself but why let the opinions of a few make me miss out on all the others that truley were of help to me.  

I'm no "Vape Hater".  I do it myself when I feel like it and will continue to do it until I don't want to anymore.  Just wanted to tell you not to be worried about getting off the nicotine. I did the steps with the patch and vaped zero nicotine juice and it was fine.  Now I vape if I feel like it but I don't freak out if I can't.  I hope you can get to zero soon.  You may not be what everyone else considers quit but you'll be a LONG way from where you started when you came here.  In my book, any movement towards not smoking is a step in the right direction.  Peace on your journey.

[linda258]

This is your last post... your words .. not mine.   Boy, you sure did get people hopping around here.  It had been kinda slow since the good weather.  You have provided a great "teaching moment" to the newbies as to how we addicts try to convince ourselves that we no longer "smoke".... your post provides a classic example. 

It appears that people are very protective of people who visit this site.  If not, us addicts would be telling all kind of stories of how we overcame our addictions and believe me if I could have found a way to think I was not hooked and beat this thing, well, I would I jumped in hook, line and sinker.  

But, we are dealing with people's lives.... literally.  Smoking kills... nicotine kills.... people come here to this site to STOP the addiction... not find another way to continue. 

I went back and re-read you other posts.  You are not here to help people.  You are here to try to hurt people or think you can get them in trouble.  I feel sorry for you.  You must need attention but this will be my last post to you.  Unlike you I will follow through with what I say.... i.e.  last post.

[ncolwell]

Cheryl, thank you so much for your words. I wish there were more people here with that type of insight. 

I think the problem is that I was hoping for this to be a place where I could truly talk about how good it feels to not smoke anymore. The change is amazing, and I do think that if anyone has tried every other quitting method there is, and failed, they should give e-cigs a try. A real try - i.e. a real try doesn't necessarily include going to the gas station and buying something that looks like a cigarette. IMO. 

I'm planning on getting to zero. The funny thing is that my body told me when it was time to step down my nicotine. I started at 24. Went to 18 for a while, then to 12. I've been at 12 for about a week now, and I'm thinking about trying some 6mg just to see how I feel. 

Anyhow...in looking for a place where I could talk about how I feel, I've been criticized and belittled. I've been told to leave the site and find another place that would "suit me better." In other words, "Your kind of quit doesn't cut it around here." Instead of being an uplifting place, this site is filled with people who want to mold everyone into their type of quitter. When you don't fit the mold, you're told to leave, and this is by people who supposedly "care"? 

You DO seem genuine and caring, and for that, I thank you. 

[ncolwell]

Linda, I put in my request to have my account deleted. In the meantime I keep getting emails with comments, and I feel the need to respond to some of them. 

Regardless of what you may think, I am not here to hurt anyone or to try and get anyone into trouble. It's clear that this site is a club that not everyone is allowed to be a part of. When I wrote my first post about e-cigs, I did so with happiness and joy that I felt I had achieved something. Instead of celebrating that with me, most people just tore me down. Did it make me feel defensive? Probably. I think I have a right to be defensive, especially since this is the only thing that has worked for me, and I'm so happy to finally not be smoking. 

You can call it what you want. I'm not here to tell you that you quit the wrong way. My point was that I quit the way that works for me. 74 days it's worked for me. It will keep working too. 

Good luck to you. I hope someday you'll be a little bit open minded, and that you'll learn that we're all different people on a different journey that has the same goal. 

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Its called freedom. It's not a club. It's not having your life run by when you can get your fix or suck on something to pretend you are smoking.

It's not being a slave to the motions of smoking, to the thought of smoking or pretending to smoke.

People using ecigs will soon be scurrying to their cars or hiding in restrooms because they are being banned in all the same places cigarettes are in my state.

If you are happy using an ecig there is no possible reason for you to be on a quit smoking site except to influence other people to give up like you did and use an ecig.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

And you my dear shouldn't even use the word honesty. The last time you posted a blog here that blew up was about the same blindness to the truth you still have.

Your other blog's direction wasn't heading the direction you wanted so you went to a vaping forum and recruited a bunch of ringers to come here and post how great ecigs were and deleted other people's comments as they were posted.

That's called manipulation and it doesn't fly here.

[ncolwell]

Dale, I will admit that post got out of hand. I was very angry, and I asked if people on the e-cigarette forum had ever visited this site and experienced that type of hostility. They came of their own free will. 

Nothing that I have said has been dishonest in any way. I find it necessary to defend my position because everyone here seems to be terrified of something that actually works. I can't understand it.

Maybe it doesn't work for everyone, but it worked for me and for thousands of other people. 

[JonesCarpeDiem]

It's worked to keep them hooked in the smoking lifestyle and addiction.

We are trying to get people out of that rut.

One reason is so they don't go back simply because they never unlearned the thoughts or motions of smoking.

[stmand92]

It's your quit and you have to do what you feel is best for you. I'm sorry you didn't get all the support this site has. I hope you continue to quit, good luck

[GreenThumb3]

I was super addicted to e cig but made my sinuses worse I would of probably stayed on it  for good but glad I have no addiction to smoking or vaping now good luck with whatever you do but it might not be that healthy of an alternative ??????????????????

[moody_9-18-13]

I'm sorry you don't feel you got the support you needed here to help you move forward in quitting smoking.  I think a vast marjority of people do get a lot from this site. 

Please know that Dale wants you and everyone who comes here to be free. He works tirelessly to teach us that while nicotine addiction is why so many are afraid to take the step to stop using nicotine, he has many years personal experiene as well as many years of helping thousands of people understand relearning life without smoking.

The number one thing we all have to relearn is replacing the hand to mouth motion. We did it 20 times a day, 365 days a year for 40 years. My calculator show that's 292,000 times we repeated the ritual of smoking. So, in order to quit, we need to stop the motion that is or mimics smoking.  I think that's his message, he knows it's hard to break that cycle if you vape..

Take care and please feel free to share your thoughts, but realize your quit is going to be challenged if you advocate using an ecig.  

[ncolwell]

  "...it's hard to break that cycle if you vape.."

  It might be hard, but it's not impossible. Thousands of people have done it successfully, and they have years (not months) under their belts to prove it. 

  "...but realize your quit is going to be challenged if you advocate using an ecig." 

  I think a quit is challenged, regardless of how you quit. I've effectively beaten all of my triggers, and I no longer even have an urge to pick up a cigarette. 

  I suppose I can understand the concern about the hand to mouth behavior. However I also believe that it is mostly that behavior that allows smokers the chance to stop smoking using ecigs. Other methods don't provide that ability. I know that's one reason why those other methods failed to me. 

  Anyway, thank you for your concern. I'm doing just fine, and I'm going to continue down this road because it's the right one for me. If you've expressed concern or support on this post, I thank you. If you haven't been supportive, I'm sorry you felt the need to attack me. I'm just a quitter like all of you, and I've found the way that works for me. 

[Danno_11-10-12]

I am no longer a proponent of nicotine replacement as I feel it simply delays the inevitable:  life without addiction to nicotine. With that said, I will say that with the patch there are two benefits:  first, there is a measured plan to eventually get the person off of nicotine (if one follows the plan). Second:  Although nicotine still enters the body, it is eliminating the hand to mouth habit, which is one of the most difficult parts of quitting smoking in my experience.  With that said, I still believe the patch is only delaying the inevitable. 

 My question for you is this:  If you didn't vape for 24 hours, how would your day go?  I would imagine it would make for a challenging, stressful, irritable day...that is until you vaped again.  The monkey remains on your back.  True freedom comes when you no longer are a slave to the craving and withdrawal symptoms.  True freedom is when nicotine is no longer your first priority.   

I don't like anything about the e-cigarette.  My view is that it isn't eliminating any part of the habit of smoking.  However, I do wish you well and hope that you eventually get off nicotine. 

[darnPainter]

This post and all the comments on it are ancient. Can we get it off here?? See what happens when we become addicted to our opinions... 

[ShawnP]

I don't understand. The last post before yours was june 2014.

Sent from my T-Mobile 4G LTE Device

[elvan]

I think he is just making an observation that some of the posts are old and can be confusing if you think they are current.  I had to try to get into the habit of checking the date, particularly if I did not recognize the user name darnPainter‌.  The posts stay available in case someone wants to revive a discussion, at least I THINK that's why.  

Ellen

[Bree19]

darnPainter

I hear what you're saying but personally would find it sad to lose these old posts. 

They still teach me something new at least once a week. 

Or supply a new perspective from someone I've never heard of before.

Or construct a sentence in a way that gives me an aha moment - even if the meaning behind it is well known.

MOO

Admittedly I've had to learn (with great difficulty) to check the dates of everything before I start replying!!

Blessings

Bree

[elvan]

Bree19‌ Took me a while too...I think newer EXers search a topic and the older posts that were categorized in whatever they searched...come up.  I have read some really amazing older blogs here.  I find them very enlightening, I just either don't comment or I ask if the person is still here.  I would miss them too.

[WLFSRFAMILY]

THEY BOTH DELIVER HARMFUL TOXINS!!    YOU NEED AN EXCUSE NOT TO QUIT!!   DON'T BRING DOWN A GOOD MAN CUZ OF YOUR WEAKNESS

[darnPainter]

I did check the date and was aware that it was an old post. I still feel that way about peoples opinions, including my own  and here is one. ... about vaping, maybe it works for some folks, but for me it didn't, I thought of it as switching addictions. Kinda like an alki drinking O'douls. 

thx John