Description
Smoked for 30+ years 2-3 packs a day. Smoking was my thing. I was never without one. I had an ashtray in every room of the house. Cigarettes were my “friend” the one thing I could always count on no matter what. They were always top priority above everything else. I KNEW I was a junkie. I never tried to quit. I never WANTED to quit, even though I knew I should quit, I was a “die hard” smoker committed to my addiction. I budgeted around my smoking making sure I had enough money put aside this week to buy smokes and stocked up on them. When I left the house to go some place, I always grabbed a spare pack (just in case- cause you never know)
When I talked I sounded like a smoker (I now have my sweet voice back)The smokers cough,I woke in the middle of the night several times coughing (my cough went away on day 2 of my quit),constant clearing of my throat, (now gone)frequently catching colds, the semi annual bronchitis and pneumonia,several trips to the doctor to stock up on antibiotics. (Now when I feel a cold coming on, I UP my Vitamin C and drink more water,tea with honey and get more rest,I haven’t been sick since) I developed a pain between my shoulder blades that never went away and got worse as the day progressed (as I smoked more) It’s GONE (That was caused from my lungs expanding trying to breathe)Towards the end of my “smoking addiction” I developed more severe symptoms. My breathing got so bad I would get winded just going to the mail box. Sometimes when I opened my mouth to talk, the words didn’t come out (that part was scarey) My heart became very rapid,almost all the time. In 2010 I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease (Gluten Intolerance) I began eating Gluten Free – what a challenge- after 1 ½ yrs I was still feeling symptoms Hmmmm? What could it be? Yep, CIGARETTES! ( I sorta knew it, but didn’t want to admit it) They contain more than 4000 toxins and chemicals,some contain Gluten (caramel color and maltodextrin- just to name a couple) I found MANY listed! Once I quit smoking, those last symptoms immediately went away.
My eye sight got better,the whites of my eyes are so white now. My hearing got better. My headaches went away. My sleepless nights are a thing of the past- I sleep a solid 9-10 hours a night now *SMILES* My breathing is SO much better. EVERYTHING IS BETTER.. AND IT WAS IMMEDIATE- AND GETTING BETTER EACH AND EVERYDAY I STAY SMOKE FREE!
Smoking caused so much stress in my life. I woke in the morning and JUMPED out of bed to have that first smoke (now I lay in bed for at least 30 min after waking, I stretch and pray, enjoy the waking process) I don’t stress if I have enough cigarettes in stock, do I have to run out at 10pm just so I have some in the morning? Taking inventory everyday was stressful enough. I started feeling more shame than ever before. Which lead me to spending less time out and more time secluded in my own little smoking world.
Constantly washing my hands to get the smell off ( got news for ya, they can still smell it) My sense of smell is incredible now,sometimes not a good thing LOL I assure you, everything YOU feel, I felt too.
That little smoker way of thinking is the addiction.. the addicts way of thinking.
I began researching smoking related illnesses online (My Uncle has Emphysema) the more educated I became, the more I knew I had to quit. This was the final AH HA moment for me. I stopped making excuses. I stopped with the self pity. I stopped thinking like an ADDICT and realized, not only did I HAVE to quit but I WANTED to quit.
I realized I had FULL POWER, FULL CONTROL over everything I did in my life. It was up to ME if I wanted to quit smoking so I could feel better and be healthy.
No one makes us smoke! The way I make it through everyday is to want to NOT smoke, MORE than I want to smoke. I believe we all are the same in MANY ways. But our QUITS and commitment to remain smoke free are very different. For me, I didn’t feel any less vulnerable after leaving NML (No Mans Land) I didn’t have less “cravings” or “thoughts” of smoking after 72 hours (when Nicotine has left our bodies) I don’t believe in words like “fixating” and “romancing” the thought of smoking. Does an Alcoholic become less vulnerable after 130 days of being alcohol free? Does he think less about drinking after the first 72 hours of not having a drink? The answer is NO!
I am AN ADDICT AND ALWAYS WILL BE! I will always have to fight this addiction. For ME, it’s one day, one moment at a time. I don’t have full blown “cravings” like when I smoked. But the thoughts of my smoking past has never left me. The thoughts that I could have a cigarette right now, is always with me, I CHOOSE not to smoke for this very moment.
When I pass someone on the street who is smoking, the smell of it absolutely makes me SICK. But I REMEMBER back “when”
When I look over at the car next to me and see someone holding a cigarette, I SMILE and thank GOD I don’t do that any more. I COULD if I wanted to, but I CHOOSE not to. I remember I was so ashamed of my addiction, I never smoked at a light, I never wanted people to see me smoke.
The fact is, I ALWAYS wanted to be a NON SMOKER and now I am. I have worked very hard to make this happen. It didn’t come over night. It’s the addict Vs. ME, the REAL me. The ME that God created.
We were all born with FREE WILL. God’s intentions were not for us to pollute our bodies with poisonous cigarettes. But we have that choice. I choose to live a healthy smoke free life and to be the best I can be.
LIVE FOR THIS MOMENT- THIS MOMENT IS YOUR LIFE!
