I have a friend in my program at school who smokes. Her fiance quit almost a year ago and he frequently puts pressure on her to follow his lead. Although I understand his position, I also know that the motivation to quit must come from within, not from pressure or guilt trips. There is never a time in my experience that such tactics have been effective. One funny thing though, she mentioned to me that he was having a quitters party and only people who are ex-smokers can go. "I'm not invited-" she said, "unless I quit before it happens. Hahahaha!" She laughed and I laughed too, but at the same time as being sort of funny, the thought of her having to leave her own home so he could have a party was sort of sad and it was a symbol of that division between a former smoker and their still smoking partner. You don't join them outside to have that quick private check in mid-evening when you are out or even at home socializing with friends. I realized when I quit that my former partner and I did a lot of bonding over cigarettes. When that was removed, the quantity of time went down and with it, the quality.
It was heartbreaking to watch him choose to light up rather than be in my presence. I don't know if I will ever forget the sting of walking up after spending a full week apart, not seeing each other once, and finding him with a lit cigarette in his hand. He had known I was coming, had known that I was struggling to quit. I took a walk around the block and when I came back it wasn't 15 minutes before he lit up again. He didn't try to stop me when I walked off in a huff and drove away.
I know it could have been worse. I could have chosen to move in and give up my place. I doubt I would have been successful this time around if I had done that. I'm so grateful for the choices I made, so grateful that I made the right choice to choose my health and my quality of life over that relationship.
