The Point of No Return

[Giulia]

“The point of no return is the point beyond which someone (...)  must continue on their current course of action, either because turning back is physically impossible, or because to do so would be prohibitively expensive or dangerous. It is also used when the distance or effort required to get back would be greater than the remainder of the journey or task as yet undertaken.”

Have you reached your point of no return in your smoking life?  If you’ve made a true deep commitment to quit, it happens the first day, that point of no return is Day One.  If you haven’t made that commitment and still wiffle waffle in your mind, then it happens later.  It may take a month for you to get to that point of no return, or 100 days, or your first year’s milestone.  It’s not the same for all of us.  Each journey is special and different and filled with...life happening.  In all it’s ugliness and glory-filled beauty. 

But there does come a time for each long term quitter when there IS a point of no return.  When the distance and effort needed to start another Day 1 is greater than the remainder of the journey yet undertaken. 

What is your point of no return?  Are you there?  What do you need to do to get there.  What are you willing to do to achieve that?  Are you willing to jettison your smoking thoughts, your smoking habits, your smoking dreams, your smoking lifestyle, your smoking triggers, you’re smoking “idea” of yourself? 

The sooner you reach that imaginary point in your mind you will find your journey easier.  And if you have not yet reached it,  then you are not safe in your quit.  And more work needs to be done.  Which means more reading, more connection with those who support, and more interior analysis. 

Stay focused everybody.

[momof4-3]

I'm there.  I refuse to turn back now.  In less that two days I will hit that magical number.........100 days smoke-free. AND I'M VERY PROUD OF IT.       N.O.P.E.

[EllenMT]

I got there one week after I quit.  There is no turning back, no excuses.  This is MY new smoke free  reality!

[Julia_Amy]

Giulia,

I love what you said,  we tend to think of the journey as beginning when we quit, it really begins way before then...

I, for one, stopped smoking a few times for greater than a year but had not actually reached that point of no return.  Upon reflection, I think I knew it even then.  This time, I knew, absolutely knew, I didn't ever want to go back, I was committed on a far greater and deeper level.  I know it will take vigilance, maybe forever, you know what?  That's ok.  Its worth it to me.  I believe in myself but also in the power of that addiction, I will take care of myself, I will protect myself as I would my children, family, friends etc from any other dangerous, insidious entity.  Great blog, thanks. 

[Dakota_Posse]

Yeah...you're right Guilia!!!!  I just don't have the time for smoking anymore...yah know....running outside to smoke, stopping to be sure you have enough smokes for the day, running to the convenience store to grab another pack, empting the ashtray, chewing on tic tacs so your breath didn't smell like an ashtray.....it just seems like a LOT of work now!   NOPE...don't want it!!!!

Thanks Guilia!!!

[Thomas3.20.2010]

Great insight, Guilia! When I hear folks talk about having quit years ago and still "like smoking" I know they never got there! I know I didn't those other times because I was never really committed to stay CLEAN and FREE!

[newlife5]

the point of no return means different things to different people...i reached it the moment i realized that i lost my quit the last time... i realized that the addiction was real and i was the only one who could kill it... when i finally got control of myself i knew that i would be fighting a never ending battle to never return to the throes of this addiction agan.....no i will never return  so i guess i have reached the point of no return

[aztec]

It took me a year to reach the point of no return but when i did it go that much easier, I live with a smoker and most of the time i feel pity, and when I exercise I am so glad i can breathe and at night when i go to bed.

breathing is so much easier , i have becoem addicted to exercising with my friend andi love it, i have only lost 10 lbs since i started last year, I haven't been able to shed any more, it will take a diet change, not quite ready, I have given up table salt and sugar mostly, still have an icream bar and chps sometimes, I really could eat alot better, but I didn spend 30 dollars on vegetables a fruit s this month so thats a start, mosly high protein

I find I think about things more, different things that when i was killing time ,slowly killing yself, for those of you whe think about going back, you've come too far to look back, stay focued and straight ahead.

life is awaiting us all with blessings.

love aztec

[IrishRose]

Powerful blog, Giulia.  Thank you for the insight.  It made me stop and take a look at where I am in my quit!  : )

[Sootie]

I have reached the point of no return in that it is almost PHYSICALLY painful for me to imagine going back to smoking and always wanting to be quit.....

HOWEVER---for me at least....even the point of no return does not mean I am safe. I don't think I will ever be able to think I am truly safe. If anyone reads my profile---I already have blown a 13 year quit! THIRTEEN YEARS!!!! Yes....I thought I was safe...I was done. What happened?? Who really knows. what I think hapapened was even though I no longer thought of myself as a smoker...I let one little thought slip in about---how relaxing it would be----how much fun it would be----just thoughts. Until one day, a stressful situation had me turnign those thoughts into reality. Just one----well, we all know the end of that story,

So--point of no return...yes. I'm there (more effort to go back than to go forward) BUT---safe? I never will let myself think I am.

Thank you Giulia---always enjoy your perspective.

[Giulia]

You all have weighed in magnificently with your points of no return.  For me, I'm like Sootie.  Although I "think" I have reached the point of no return, I still have this great fear of lighting up again after a whole bunch of smokefree years.  Because I've seen and known too many that have.  In the five plus years I've been a part of quitting sites (initially as a helpless "newbie to now an "elder" stage) it's easy for me to try to give a lesson in the importance of the point of no return.  But have I experienced it myself?  We can dish out advice very easily.  It's another thing to heed our own advice.

The only thing I know for sure is that I never take my quit for granted, I know that one puff will be my doom, and the demon is always just around the corner.  So I've set up warning bells in my mind, and should I start to get lazy in my quit and not be attentive to  vigilance, the bells ring loudly and clearly NOT ONE PUFF EVER NO MATTER WHAT.  I know myself well enough to recognize that my discipline level ain't the greatest and I'm easily susceptible.  And I've always had a hard time with being quit.  There is,  in the very back of my mind,  a part that still would enjoy the heck out of smoking.  Sorry, kids, can't deny it.  That happens to be my truth.   And if I didn't share it, I wouldn't be worth my time on here.  Whether it was the nicotine, the opening of more dopamine receptors, the high, the chemicals that produced the enjoyment, ...whatever! -  fact is - I did enjoy smoking.  And would again.  And to pretend that I didn't or wouldn’t  would be a lie.  I would love to take all my own advice that I dish out.  But when you're the source, it's a whole different matter to do so.  Why are all the psychologists I know brilliant at what they do and failures at their own lives?

But knowing that I enjoyed smoking doesn't mean I'm gonna go back to killing myself.  Because I do know that smoking will kill ya - sooner or later.  There's no doubt in my mind any more about THAT.  I'm REAL CLEAR on that point.  And I've no doubt that I've reached the point of no return when it comes to  going back to a day one.  No way do I EVER want to go through that stage again.  And that alone is enough to make me stay free.  The effort required would be greater than the rest of this journey which after five years (actually way before that) is nothing in comparison. 

So yes, look at that.  It seems I have reached the point of no return.  Maybe I do take my advice after all.  LOL
 

[MarcieWhosoever]

i need to read more of this tomorrow. I never got a chance to post on it. night night time for now.

looking forward to it.

[MarcieWhosoever]

ya know? I just dont know if I am (which must mean Im not). Its only been 2 months and I would love to say I am at the point of no return, But i cant actually say it. I am very committed to this quit and love that I am doing well. I never want to smoke again. I can say that with confidence 🙂

I do thank you for helping me to stop and think about this quit. Where am I exactly? Am I at the point of no return and just dont know it yet? Am I half way to that point? I guess i wont know for sure till I look back and relize.

Marcie - NOT ONE HIT SINCE THE DAY I QUIT! Two Months, Five Days, 8 Hours and 5 Minutes, while extending my life 6 Days and 21 Hours, by not smoking 1990 cigarettes that would have cost me $199.56.

[Giulia]

I agree with you, Marcie:  if you don't know whether or not you're at the point of no return, then you must not be.  And I think you need to be in order to be a long term quitter.  Notice we all  say "long term quitter."  As opposed to "quit for life."  That's an indication of the tenacity of the addiction and the tenuousness of the quitting process.  And that utterance just provoked another blog in my head.  Why DON'T we say "quit for life?" 

The more one thinks and invests in their quit, the more attention they pay -  the more likely they'll succeed.  Quitting takes work.  Constant work.  But the reward is very great.  For without your health, you have nothing. 

[Giulia]

"I have reached the point of no return in that it is almost PHYSICALLY painful for me to imagine going back to smoking and always wanting to be quit....."  I'll agree with you there, Sootie.  It's been 8 years since I wrote this blog.  I'm way past that point of no return now.  Thankfully!

[SuzyQ411]

We are both at similar times in our quit. I'm at day # 94.

I don't truthfully know at what point I determined deep down to my gut that I would never smoke again no matter what, but I am sure today that I made that determination sometime.... If I was ever going to smoke again, today would have been one of those days. I found out that my debit card has been breached and that a charge of almost $100 has been posted to my account AND has cleared the bank. I only found out when balancing my checkbook today.

A very caring bank associate was able to cancel my debit card over the phone and sent me to drive-through to pick up my new one. He said after I call the vendor he will assist me in challenging this fraudulent charge. (Bless his heart), And he also gave me a new card, and even activated it for me. All I had to do to get it was to go through the drive-through, show my driver's license and sign a form of the transaction (and to also validate my signature).

I can't even begin to add up how many cigarettes I might have smoked during this 2 1/2 hour time period since I got the bad news.

But, I do know I'm in the right frame of mind as I keep chuckling over the purchase that was fraudulently made on my card: a camping stove! (I am 77 years old and my camping days are a thing of the past )

So, I remained smoke-free during this debacle and am proud of myself 

And I am proud of you, too for doing so well with your quit!!

[SuzyQ411]

Yes, Sootie you are right about the "safe" thing. When I wrote my entry above in response to @Momof4-3 I was so proud of myself today that I skirted over the very true fact that I must remain vigilant. I will always be a nicotine addict and must take all precautions to remain safe. Thanks for that insight!

[SuzyQ411]

Your post was fantastic and so helpful (as usual) Giulia‌ and I appreciate your honesty. And admire your choice to remain quit in spite of what you frankly shared. That's another good reason for us to be members of the EX.....accountability to those who give us support and encouragement to stay the course. When I chose the helpful button above it was not only for this post I'm responding to but also for your fantastic blog post heading off all these appreciative responses!! 

In great appreciation~

Suzy

[Giulia]

SuzyQ411‌  You are always so complimentary of my posts.  It is very much appreciated.  Really sorry to hear your debit card was breached.  I've not had that happen, but have had my credit card breached.  It's a horrifying experience.  I've got it set up now so that if there's a charge over a certain amount they alert me.  You might be able to set up something similar.  Especially if its used off-line so to speak (like a purchase from amazon), i.e. not in person.  You might ask about that.  Hoping they can rectify it for you.  (They did for me.)  And good for you for not heading to your old comfort zone.  You SHOULD be proud of yourself!

[SuzyQ411]

Thank you Giulia‌ for your suggestion on pre-alerts for a set amount charged from the card company..I will speak with a bank representative regarding this. And really appreciate your support for my not relapsing over it. (It wasn't worth having to go back to Day One!!) 

BTW, I just happen to love your writing style and can't help but tell you that 

[Giulia]

"I just happen to love your writing style"  Well you might not like it so much if you relapse and I beat you upside the head!  Just saying!  LOL  I can be pretty blunt, in a not pretty way at times.  (Truth is rarely pretty for those who don't want to recognize it.)  But it is never without caring and heart.  

[SuzyQ411]

Whatever you have to say, I still like your style ...