Tears are okay

[Mandolinrain]

Quitting is an emotional thing. Many if us found our way through our quits early on by having the experience of so many emotions we didn't know if we were coming or going.

For me....tears were a large part of that. Mixed emotions stored my thoughts. Deep inside I WANTED DESPERATELY to be a non smoker, but I was afraid. Afraid of failure, afraid of fear...is there such a thing? Being afraid of fear itself?

Tears came unannounced over I would say the first 3 months of my quit. Just look at me wrong and I would cry. I was fragile. I was learning how to cope with life without running to smoke first. This was a key turning point for me once I understood what was happening.

Frustration during my early months was induced by anyone who criticized me, looked at me wrong...again...how do you look at someone wrong?... My perception of everything was knocked out of whack.

I learned here on this site, that I would go through many stages as I began my quit journey. Some would bring intense anger, fear, hurt, pain, tears...oh yes plenty of tears, and feelings that I would lose this battle.

ALL which I was told by the wonderful Elders of mine, were 100%normal.

While we all may focused on the same goal...'to become a non smoker and or to remain one'...all of us that began this journey before you understand...

Tears are often a part of it. They're cleansing and remind us of the direction we are in or want to be in. So accept. 

Accept that today your working through another day quit. Something may happen to bring on the tears today and if it does, remember this......

 AND

This last quote is what I did. I wrote.

God Bless you all and I hope this helps at least one person. If it does, it was worth blogging ~Missy

[YoungAtHeart]

I am sure it WILL.  I don't cry - pretty much EVER....and didn't when I quit.  But - we are all unique, and everyone's journey to quit smoking is unique.

Thanks for letting others know what they might expect.

Nancy

[MichelleDiane]

Hey Missy, love your blog.  I felt like crying several times so far, but most of the difficult times find me feeling utterly lost.  The only way I can describe it is that I feel all emotions at the same time and I want to run away somewhere to escape them.  I have learned over the past three weeks that I need to stay in the moment and breathe.  They do start to go away.  I feel a little drained afterwards, but it reaffirms that I can get through the onslaught of emotions without smoking.  I appreciate your words.

-Michelle

[Tabbiekat]

I cry all the time over everything so not a huge unexpected event happening for me

I can say I cried over the lost of a very bad friend that I had made with nicotine though. I knew and understood it was part of the grieving process I needed to get through in order to fully embrace my quit.

[Bonnie]

Thank you, Missy.  I started smoking at 17 when I learned that cigarettes would stop the tears.  I have lost many a quit by smoking to stop the pain...not going to do it again...gonna feel it all the way...walk through it, not try to avoid it...

[Strudel]

Great blog - no longer running from emotions. Thanks and CONGRATS! 

[MarilynH]

Great blog post Missy, I could cry at the drop of a hat, my emotions were all of the place in the first couple of months or so but yay for making it through to a wonderful place of Freedom. 

[Barb102]

Thank u. I can cry over any thing now. Thank you for not letting me feel alone. Barb

[Mandolinrain]

I am naturally an emotional person anyway. I am a very sensitive person so I don't hold back much. I used to be ashamed that I am that way but now I have learned to accept that is who and what I am and how God designed me. So I am okay with it and I just wanted others to know, they should be too

[Mandolinrain]

I say bless you...its the way we were designed. Nothing wrong with that

[Mandolinrain]

And allow the tears...they are okay, they are a part of who you are.

[Barb102]

don’t know if u see these but they are praying hands and a rainbow for u!

Sent from my iPhone

[Mandolinrain]

Isn't it wonderful? I used to run to smoke to deal with everything and anything. I may have more tears, but I don't smoke. I am living life with emotions and thats okay. Smoking...is not

[Mandolinrain]

xoxox I know you Marilyn...your tender heart allows the tears to flow. Healthy ways we have learned to address grief and stress....without smoking.

[Mandolinrain]

Sweetie, thats the great thing about this site. Nobody has to be alone....in their fears,tears or any part of any part of this addiction. Theres always someone to relate to and theres many who will extend the hand of friendship and help you walk through to get your breakthrough. You just have to show up

[arobertson337]

Totally agree, Missy! I try to put a brave face on and fight the tears, but just the other night I had that knot that told me I needed to cry and let it out.  I cry when I'm sad, angry, or happy. Sometimes I'm all 3 at the same time! I was actually just telling my therapist I think smoking was a way to numb myself from the emotions I didn't want to deal with. But now I'm having to learn how to deal with them on my own, and it can be overwhelming at times!

[susan_m]

I just love this, Missy. It is so important for new quitters to accept whatever they're feeling.

As for me, I cried when I decided to quit. It was four days before I went cold turkey, and I was shocked and confused by my tears. I think I knew even then that I was truly going to quit. 

[Christine13]

Tears, oh yeah, and the ugly cries too.  It does help to let it all out.  Thanks Missy for letting us know it's normal, to cry and grieve for something that was so much a part of our lives.

xo

[Mandolinrain]

Cant see them but thank you xoxo

[Mandolinrain]

And thats an understatement . I mean, for me anyway..." smoking was a way to numb myself". It was also a way for me to relax~celebrate~etc.... it was learning how to do all of that without the smokes, that I found challenging. Yes, it is overwhelming at times, but it is even for those who never smoked. So glad your here

[Mandolinrain]

Yes, acceptance is a HUGE part of a successful quit. Letting go is was the difficult part for me because I was not sure I could do anything without them. Now thats scary!

[Mandolinrain]

awwww and right back at you Christine13 xoxo

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Watering the cheeks is healthy.

[Mandolinrain]

Absolutely!

[Victoriacam]

Missy, Thank you, thank you, thank you! I thought I was just weird or weak. My quit date is in about 24 hours (this Friday) and I have been fighting tears constantly! My husband said good morning and I started to cry. I don't know how he is going to put up with me when the "real" tears start, but he will as he so badly wants me to quit! Now I know from so many on this site that crying is OK. Now I need to see how people handle sudden outbursts of unreasonable anger.

Victoria

[mivida2018]

Thank you is very true. since I quit Smoking I find myself crying so I thought is part of the process. I felt so lonely I couldn't imaging myself without my cigarrets  But now is been 3 Months and I won't lie I still cry sometimes. But like you say being afraid of failure being afraid of not been able to stay quit. There is so many things going thru my mind that I am afraid I will go back to smoke. But Thanks to all the Programs that I been to I am 3 months free of smoke. It was so easy to start smoking and now is so hard to stay free of smoke. But is not Imposble 

[JonesCarpeDiem]

understanding

give it another month or two

it gets much better

[MichelleDiane]

Congratulations on your decision to quit Victoria.  It is a wonderful gift.  I know for me the anxiety of quitting was heaviest right before I actually put down the cigarette.  Each time I smoked I felt like I was breaking up with my best friend, but when I did 24 days ago I said if that was a friend I'm afraid to see what the enemy is like.  Anticipation anxiety is one of the worst, but arm yourself with the tools you will need the first day and take it no further.  Stay in the moment.  On day 1 be kind to yourself and know that once the sun goes down and you go to bed you have WON.  

Regards,

Michelle  

[Mandolinrain]

Hi , hey your gonna do just fine. You just come here and blog your heart out. And when the tears come put some healthy pictures in your head. Take some nice long cleansing deep breath. Breath slowly in your nose and slowly out your mouth. You can do this and we will all help you. Glad your here! Hugs~Missy

[Mandolinrain]

Congrats on 3 months and hey don't be so hard on yourself. Tears are FINE....goood...healing. I don't know why people are so judged because they cry at the drop of a hat. Smoker or not. I think people who can cry are some of the most dearest sensitive people I know. Genuine and heartfelt.....to me is what tears are. Holding them back only give you a headache....so cry~breath and smile

Hugs~Missy

[cat52]

I am on day 10 of no smoking and today I feel like I could start crying any minute. I feel like the smallest thing may send me over the edge. It is reassuring to know that others feel the same and I am not just a big baby! I am overwhelmed also right now due to a crisis that has not been resolved with my oldest daughter. It seems to compound my missing smoking. I realize smoking is how I coped with stress, but I do not want to be that person anymore. Today I am so sad though- please tell me this will get easier. How have others coped when a trauma arises early on your quit??? In need of support today. Thanks!!!

[MichelleDiane]

I think you've already answered your own question without even knowing it  cat52.  Smoking does not take away the crisis.  It makes it worse.  Breathe deep and be in the moment.  Calm the noise in your head by breathing.  It's okay to cry.  When I do I feel a relief because I have washed away the pent up anxiety.  Come here just like you just did and reach out.  If it gets harder and you need immediate help go to conversations or advise and type in HELP in the title.  Someone (probably a lot of someone's) will reach back at you.  Hang in there and I do hope the crisis is resolved.

-Michelle

[cat52]

Thanks MichelleDiane for reaching out.

[Mandolinrain]

Your days will get smoother and more tolerable, I promise. It is hard, this quitting thing. We made our whole life work around smoking...now we have to figure out how to live life without depending on them. Glad your here with us and we will help you through the bad /sad days....xoxo

[Lynear]

Thank you so, much I am going through a lot of tissue its been all most 4 months for me hearing your story made my day thank you 

[Grammy25]

This was really good and very helpful!!

Thank you so much! 

[Bridgy]

Missy,

 Thank you so much for this blog. This is day 4 for me, I felt so emotional all day. Your blog really brought light to my problem. Thank you again

[Mandolinrain]

Your very welcome! Im glad it helped you. This will pass and you will be okay. We all have our different time periods that we endure all the emotions that are a part of quitting. Its a bucketload, but I promise it will get better. Some days will certainly be harder than other, but you just come here and talk about it with us. Someones always here to help lift you up. You NEVER need be alone on your journey. Hugs, Missy

[mmorris215-2]

I feel sad at times but I been here before so I know what to expect. I'm going to stay strong

[Delray64]

Thank you. It's been one week. I don't cry. I sob. Why did I wait this long? Your words help

[Mandolinrain]

I am so sorry you have to go through this. Look at it this way...your body is detoxing and when I did that it made my tears seem all the more worthwhile.  I cried at the drop of a hat. Seriously...this to shall pass. xoxo

[elvan]

Welcome to EX, when we smoked, we stuffed our feelings down and when we quit and we are FEELING our feelings, it is unfamiliar to us and the feelings seem SO INTENSE...I, too, cried a LOT and many of those tears were because of how long it took me to quit and how much damage I did.  It's not that I didn't TRY to quit but I really did not quite understand HOW.  Once I found EX and I read everything I could get my hands on, I found that even though it was hard...I knew that I could do it.  All of the people here who came before me assured me that I could do it and they taught me how.  I came here every morning and every evening and after well over 4 1/2 years...I still do, for the most part.  I learn from the people who have been here for a very long time and I learn from people who just got here.  I thought of my tears as the valve on a pressure cooker and that pressure needed to come out...for so long, I did not allow myself to feel sadness or anger or any emotion that I found uncomfortable.  I can promise you that it gets better...the more time you put between yourself and smoking...the stronger you will get, in EVERY way.

Best,

Ellen

[tracy.29]

It helped me on my fourth day quit

[Grammy25]

Thank you for sharing.

[elvan]

Grammy25‌ I think tears are our way of letting off some of the built up emotions...quitting can be quite the emotional roller coaster and crying is just fine.

Ellen

[Barb102]

Ellen is always spot on. I cried a lot and she told me it was ok too. You know what it was!  I found it almost cleansing. So much emotions bottled up all the years on smoking. I didn’t acknowledge them, or let them out I just kept them inside and smoked.   You are doing great. We are here for you

[DonnaMarie]

Thanks for this. We are trained to be so strong and conditioned to see tears as so weak. I let tears happen when they come. It is not a sign of weakness. Sometimes it's a time of cleansing and resultant clarity.

Yes, let the tears flow. 

[elvan]

I came to realize that OTHER PEOPLE were uncomfortable with me crying, that did not mean that I had to take that on.  Remember that...this journey is about you and FOR you!

Ellen

[Nanalori]

To be honest with myself- today I feel so angry like I want n could rip someones head off- then the tears for feeling that way. Im not sleeping good... I know I have a long journey ahead of me, today is day 5 tobacco free!!! I keep telling myself that everything Im feeling n going through is part of the process, not sure if that is helping or not...

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Hi,

We smoked a long time. 

the first 2-3 weeks are the initial worst.

Believe in yourself.

See how you feel in 2 weeks.

[Grammy25]

Thank you for sharing