Hi gang,
I have been reflecting about the idea of "No Man's Land" as presented to me here as that 3 to 5 month period which starts about a month after one has been able to stay off of cigarettes.
It has been preciesly during this time period, that I have had my last two relapses and as I shared about 4 days ago, I began having feelings (not exactly cravings) of wanting to smoke again. I just completed a month a couple of days ago. Giulia and some of the others gave me some really keen insight about what begins to happen here and it is in "knowing thy enemy" (this no man's land), that I hope to garner some strength.
What happens to me is that I begin to forget the discomfort of smoking and begin to forget the fight with cravings as both seem to begin to fade from my everyday thought processes. "By Jove, I think you've done it!" says a little voice to me at the end of the day as I realize I didn't even think about smoking.
That's when the trouble starts. It's almost as if my addcition gets a "second wind" and figures that now is the time to conjure up some new temptations. They go something like this: "Ok Buddy, you see that you can quit on a dime and in one week you're whistling Dixie, right? Well there you go! If you're that good at quitting there should be no trouble in just enjoying one little pack or a 3 day smoke week-end. I mean, you can always quit again, right? I mean, you're a pro by now. You've done this before. Get in tight with the EX group, drink lots of water, double dose Chantyx and bite the bullit for 1 to 2 weks and you're back on track, like ya never skipped a beat, ok buddy? So how about it' You've been such a good boy....you deserve just a one little pack...right?"
See that's how the scheme goes. But thanks to you guys I got another look at it.
The real nature of No Man's Land is that herein begins the true test of discipline! It's not just quitting. It's STAYING that defines us as true non-smokers. It's this phase of sly planning, slicker and smoother than any craving, that my QUIT is defined. It is now that my freedom is won, right here in No Man's Land.
So I tell you all, I accept this. Here I am and here I stand. The real test for me STARTS RIGHT NOW just when I thought I could get cocky and let my guard down. This phase may well be harder than the first 3 days!!!
That's the beauty of talking with you all about it.
What are the risks of no man's land? The risk is becoming more and more jaded by short term quits that end in smoking again. The risk is losing my moral credit with this group and my belief in myself.
Now is the time to lift the sword even higher, in this apparent calm full of false bench marks.
Now is the time to start all over again with a beginners mind. I am new. Only one month old. I am nothing yet.
I lay close to the wall, small and mindful that any thought of smoking is the whisper of the devil and I am a child of God.
Thank you all, for your insight and love,
David (Barely a month old)
