“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”
Boy did Gloria Steinem get that one right. When it pisses us off to hear the truth, it’s probably because deep down we KNOW it’s the truth, but we’ve been lying to ourselves about it, choosing to live in denial. The truth can be tough to face sometimes.
For addicts like us, the first truth about smoking we must face is that we are addicts. It’s surprising how many smokers don’t understand this. Or aren’t willing to accept it. We see it on the boards all the time – new members who vehemently deny being an addict, are truly insulted by the accusation, and argue with everyone about it right up until they relapse.
This goes hand in hand with the next uncomfortable truth – we were wrong. Smoking is bad, we knew it was bad, and we did it anyway. And we had all sorts of excuses why – I can remember my cousin and I defending smoking to each other, and discussing how no one in our family ever died of cancer so obviously we have good cancer-fighting genes. And all those people, those friends, family members, doctors, coworkers, who chastised us over the years for smoking, dammit they were right, of COURSE they were right, and we were wrong, we KNEW we were wrong but did it anyway, defended it anyway, and quitting smoking is like admitting you were wrong, isn’t it? Pisses you off, doesn’t it?
Another truth that frequently sparks some argument is that the physical aspects of withdrawal simply aren’t that bad. Most of the drama and pain is in our heads. The distress on our bodies is like having a cold for a few days, that’s all. Cravings are mildly uncomfortable and pass quickly, if we let them. This thought makes us angry because we feel what we feel, and don’t accept that we might be creating those feelings ourselves. (good timing on your blog Dale, looks like our minds were in the same place today)
As for the emotional aspects of withdrawal, well, that first month is something I never want to go through again. But let’s be honest – the uncomfortable truth is that while quitting is hard, most of us make it harder than it has to be. We have been brainwashed that quitting is stressful, painful, overwhelming, society has stereotyped “quitting” for decades, made us believe we will become homicidal maniacs if we try to quit. And our own failed quit attempts seem to support this. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. We believe it will be unbearable, so it is. We believe it will drive us to the brink of madness, so it does. We believe we’ll give in to the first bad craving, so we do. The truth we don’t want to hear is that we can choose to believe something else.
One of the truths that seems to be the hardest to accept is that smoking wasn’t enjoyable. It didn’t relieve stress. Think about it – most of the cigs you smoked, you were on autopilot. You weren’t sitting there thinking about it. You just did it. Grimacing, coughing, blinking the smoke out of your eyes, brushing ash off yourself, rubbing at the old cigarette burn on the arm of the chair, already thinking about washing your hands to get some of the smell off. Yeah, that sounds like enjoyment. Sure.
New quitters will often put this right in their first blog – “Let me start by saying that I truly enjoy smoking” and they definitely don’t like being told that they’re lying to themselves. Do you know what kept me smoking for a solid 3 years after my last quit attempt? Here it is: “What’s the point in quitting if I still enjoy smoking? I’ll just fail.” Sound familiar?
Many quitters cling to the “enjoyment” lie for a very long time; some never fully accept that the “pleasure” was nothing more than stopping the pain of withdrawal. This is the truth that will really set you free, that will take you from quitting to quitting forever, once you accept it.
Are you willing to accept these truths? Are you willing to let go of the past, of the lies, of the defensiveness? Get pissed off. It’s okay. But don’t use your anger as an excuse to retreat back into a cloud of smoke. Use it to propel yourself forward.
Your future is ahead of you – stop looking over your shoulder, dragging your feet, dwelling on what you’re leaving behind. You’re leaving nothing behind but useless garbage, baggage that has been weighing you down for decades. Move forward! USE these truths to set yourself free!
(thanks Dale, Break, Cindy, and Nancy for your contributions to this one)
