So husband says to me...Why dont' you start smoking again? You are so miserable."

[jstanek1967]

So...I knew this would happen.  He is so self centered.  I am not crabby, I am focused.  So the focus is taken off of him, and he gets irritated.  Narcissit asshole.  I am so angry right now.  And hurt.  I have a huge lump in my throat, and tears in my eyes.  He is not supportive.  I was wating for his smart ass comments.  I knew I would hear them soon.  He can't stand that the whole world doesn't revolve around him.  He said I am acting like an old lady invalid.  Whatever.  I was inhaling on my salt pipe.  I really hate him right now.  And no, I don't even crave a cigarette.  I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

[tmarcin]

Don't give in.  Good job!  That is incredibly hard for you.  I won't begin trying to say that I understand so just hang in there.

[steve80]

Deep Breathes .....................

I find even people we love the most will try to sabatoge our quit or whatever threatens their power.It is empowering to be able to quit,yet when our other isnt supportive it hurts,and it makes us question our relationship and then all other stuff comes out.But their is alot to be said about resolving issues when they happen ,not years later.

I dont think its intentional,but I think when we are empowering ourselves it  becomes a personal growth that I think threatens the other person in our life.If its smoking,loosing weight,going back to school,going to the gym...

Just saying ........let them  sweat,and come up with their own empowering thing that will make them healthier in the end!!!

I think when  allow ourselves to have someone take something from us (happiness,power) and like trying to sabotage us by pissing us off,or leting them see us mad,is the power they just robbed us of. Lets not give anybody the chance to rob us.......

Peace..Keep quit,...aint no thing but a chicken wing!!

YOU GAVE UP NOTHING OF IMPORTANCE

[anacondahead]

Anger is exactly what gave me the motivation to quit. My girlfriend decided to quit and yelled at me that she didn't want 'anyone' (meaning me) around her smoking and tempting her and screwing up her plans. She was very rude about it. So, I quit. She couldn't of course (she says she is also fighting a gambling addiction and when she stopped smoking she wanted to gamble - any excuse is as good as the next) and I knew it. She is smoking to this day and I am on Day 219.

Don't cave in - stay as mad as you need to be. You are choosing life - excellent decision, keep up the good work!!!!!

[glenda3]

Well said Steve !!   I also like the Chicken Wing part !!  as for jstanek1967, dont let the hubby get you down.  You have quit and yes it is hard.  You do need encouragement and that is a lot of why you are here..............me too.  Stay quit.  You do not want to have to start over again.  believe me, i have been there.  You are doing a wonderful job.  Stay quit, stay busy. 

[jstanek1967]

Oh Steve you are so right!  I did let him rob me this morning.  It seems to have FED him.  I know that he would much rather point out my weakness of being "unable" to quit, then point out  my success at quitting.  He rolls his eyes while I blog, and I roll my eyes back at him and say "Yes, this helps me." 

I am going to TRY to never again let him see "a reaction" to his verbal onslaughts.  And I do know that it will be Harder than quitting smoking.

[smp101]

I was laughing when i read your post because it sounds like my house. My wife has been wanting me to quit since we have been together, almost 20 years. Now that I'm quitting she complains about all kinbds of little shit and thinks I should be there to support her with these common evryday crap. I try to explain to her that I have my own shit I'm dealing with and quitting smoking is not something that you just get over in a few days. These non smokers have no idea.

Anyway, we have good communication and a lot of respect for each other, so we find ways to listen to each other . We went out for a nice quiet dinner last night to get away from the phones and computer stuff for awhile. We ended up having a chance to talk to each other and more importantly, listen to each other. We ended up laughing, which was nice.

So hang in there, knowing everyone is doing the best then can, with who they are, and that your quit is worth it for you. Sounds like you are dealing with things well.

[kola2178]

Well said Steve,  I found out quickly after only being quit a week, I tested the waters with my husband on him quitting, and got a smart ass remark.  It was a defense mechanism, but it hurt my feelings, til I thought hard about it.   If the roles were reversed, and he was the one that only had about 4 days of non smoking under his belt, and over the years I had seen him crash and burn, I probably would have said something nasty too.

I know my husband, and his thoughts are he's not going to go through all the trouble and pain of trying a quit with me, if I'm just going to start smoking again.   He'll wait to see how I do,  and probably is secretly hoping that I fail.   He's semi supportive,  he's limiting his smoking in the house, or at least when I'm home or awake,  he doesn't smoke that much around me. 

Hang tough, the only one that can quit is you,  and it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.   Don't try to pressure him into quitting with you if he's a smoker, you'll just get a smoker's response from him.  Like I said if you're honest with yourself and the roles were reversed, you'd probably do the same thing to him.

[markinlouisville]

Smoking isn't going to stop him from being a narcissitic asshole. 

[Yaya2.6.10]

Yep, you're focused and not on him. That's the way its gotta be. Same thing is going on here and mine Quit a long time ago and really is trying to be supportive. Then I get the little whines about how long I'm on the computer, all I do is knit, when are we going to eat, etc. Good for you for being mad enough to not give him the satisfaction of failing. See, he really is being supportive:)

[jstanek1967]

Oh you got that right Mark in Louisville! 

Smoking isn't going to stop him from being a narcissitic asshole. 

markinlouisville

[sedwards]

Hubbies can just suck!!  You are doing great and really seem to have a handle on knowing that your quit is up to you!!  Congrats on staying strong against oposition!!

[mare5]

I never really understood why others feel so threatened when we do something good for ourselves. It's confusing & hurts. I think you'll just have to stay strong & not let him see you react. Go for a walk or drive to vent, cry, etc.. Keep focused. we're here to support you.