Settling in at Mom's house

[msgardengirl320]

Hasn't been an easy transition, but it's getting done. Giving up my condo on the Gulf, my privacy, my spactacular view has made me think of "this is a great time for a cigarette break". THAT was from my previous life; NO MORE FOR THIS GIRL! My Mom is declining with her Dementia, gettIing really cranky, hardly eats (down to 89 lbs, but she is only 5'3), she sleeps a lot, & gets mad at me when she sees me cleaning or doing anything around here to improve the homefront. We have a beautifu 2-story home in South Tampa, so at least I can go upstairs to get away & watch something other than Beverly Hillbillies or the Waltons. I try to talk about fun things & keep her upbeat, but she is very depressing. She shuffles around in a depressed state. I try to get her for a ride in the car, go to get her hair done, etc. but to no avail. My past 'smoking history' days, tells me to go enjoy a smoke, that will make you feel better. But guess what?? I KNOW BETTER!! Have no fear my EX-mates this girl will not smoke over this!

Thanks guys, for listening & always being there for these rants! I'll check in later. Love you ALL

[YoungAtHeart]

I am SO sorry this is all falling on you.  Above all else, remember the serenity prayer.  You might also find a support group in the area?  And, perhaps, some respite care so you have a break?

And, do remember that there is never a good reason to smoke; there are only excuses.

I will be thinking of you.  Do know we will always be here for you - so do blog BEFORE you give in and ask for our help!

Nancy

[cookie804]

 I can empathize with you as I took care of my mother for over 16 years. She was 89 when I found her dead on her couch. I loved her dearly but I know exactly how you feel. It is so depressing for you to see you Mother go down hill and I think I know why they get hostile towards the end. They know within their heart that something bad is happening but they just can't figure out what and why and they are scared. My mother was the sweetest person that you have ever met but when the dementia starting her whole personality changed and not for the good. The sernenity prayer is one of my favorite and also Footprints in the sand. Hold on dear sister He will give you strength and peace.

We are here for you dear

God bless

Carolyn and Cooie

[moody_9-18-13]

It is hard for you to have pulled up stakes and move to your mom's house to be able to take care of her but you already know smoking will not improve or help anything. 

In fact, we know from our former smoking lives we had less patience. You are a good woman to take care of your mom in her declining years. Hang in there and take good care of yourself too!

[Deena-A-Yenni]

Thinking of you.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Hugs.

Life is a journey

[elvan]

So sorry that you have to go through this, glad that you can escape once in a while to get away from the Beverly Hillbillies or the Waltons.  My mother had dementia as did my husband's mother and both of them lashed out at family, a LOT.  I think it is the frustration of not being able to control things...even their MINDS.

How difficult it has to be for you to have to give up your condo on the Gulf...smoking will not help, you need to take care of yourself and that is NOT the way to do it.

Best to you, Ellen

[linda258]

I understand..... now you HAVE to take some time to think about you too.  I know you will say there is not time for you.  You are important.   The one thing I learned from taking care of my dad and then my mom is if you are not healthy or in a good space .. your mom will suffer and you will too.

So, take a few and come up with something all about you and for you and then figure out how you can do this because you can.   You are still saving money by not smoking ... now use the money for yourself.  You deserve it ... hang in there.

[annb]

You are a good daughter and God Bless you. I know how hard all of this is. I just finished this journey with my Mom. She was 94. (I had to laugh when you mentioned the TV shows. My Mom passed away while watching the Andy Griffith show! Please make SURE to use any and all "respite" services available. I did not - just because i was unaware - and it was a big mistake. You have to take care of yourself! And you are too by protecting your great quit! Good job.

[MarilynH]

You are a good woman and definitely a good daughter,  God bless you. 

[msgardengirl320]

I defnitely understand that smoking will not make this situation better, so have no fear. It's just that IF I were still a smoker & in this situation, I would have had probably 2 packs by noon,the way things are going & the frustration! But I will NOT! Yes, Annb, she watches Andy Griffith also when they are on. My husband will be home off the road on Tues. & we are finding him a local job here so that he can help me with my Mom, & to help keep me sane! I do have a brother who lives nearby whom I lean on & he comes around a bit too, but he's a very busy psychologist & works long hours. I have another sister who lives on the east coast of Florida in Melbourne who comes over every other wkd. So at least Jack & I can get away on those wkds. My Mom is 89 also, cookie804. She is in a lot of pain from her hip but can't take pain meds since they make her very volitile. She won't use any form of walking aid, so we all know it won't be long & she is going down. I know that she just wants to "go" & be with my Dad who died 1-1/2 yrs ago. He died here in this house & that's what she wants too. It's all so much to take in, but we will make it. WITHOUT SMOKING!!

[karen230]

Oh, how I feel for you. You are doing such a difficult and demanding thing. I took care of my mother in law, father in law and my mother at  different points in time as each of them faced their final years. But I got to do it in my home. Giving up your home must be so very hard.What love you show for your mother!  As others have said I do hope you will find as many ways as possible to love you and  care for your needs also. You are clearly a strong and sensible person because you know that smoking was not a solution or help. With that much going for you I would bet you will come through this even better and stronger. 

[promise_judy]

That is a big responsiblity taking care of an elderly parent. Make sure you find out about Senior Services and do all your homework now because it doesn't get better. Talk with her doctor and get all the legal documentation done 1st. Sorry, I am sounding like someone asked for my advice--you probably have all that done already. Let me start over--take good care of yourself and above all don't let any of those buttons get pushed.  

Keep on adding those smoke free days!!

XOXO 

[Strudel]

God bless you......please take care! Accept as much help from your sister and brother as they can give - please! Congrats to you on knowing how to protect your quit - no matter what! 

[Magstoyou]

(((((((((((((Huggs)))))))))))))

Mag453

[smorgy8513]

Sorry Michelle for what is going on for you right now.     Proud of you girl for staying smoke free, glad hubby is going to be at home and that you get help from sibs.     Take care of yourself, it is hard to remember that when you get/stay involved caring for a family member but if you don't take care of yourself you will not have energy to care for mom.     Prayers for all of you right now!

Sharon

[ShawnP]

So sorry to hear. I know how it can take a toll on you. I hope that you can get someone to help at times so that you can get away and have ME time to regroup yourself.  Take care and rant as much as you need too. We are always here to listen.