You know, the marlbaro man ... handsome wearing that cowboy hat, looking so healthy, you know how that gets connected to romance somehow. Then along comes the virginia slims woman who was long and lean and beautiful in her full-page ads in the magazines.
It's easy to make that connection with romance and cigarettes when you think of their beautiful faces and bodies. But for me, it's now ... it's today, because my real battle is just starting. It's easy for me to quit smoking because I have that sort of pit bull personality that enables me to lock my jaws on something and not let go until I die. I have that in me, whatever "that" is, just call it stamina or determination or conviction. I have it.
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But this is where I fail. Long after day one or week one ... usually at 1 month or 2 months or 3 months, those critical first 3 months is where I fail. And it involves romance for sure! I listen to the sweet whispers, the lies. I listen to the lies rather than putting my hand up and walking away, I listen. This is my danger zone, here and now. Just know that about me. This is the time when I am most fragile, here and now.
I want this time to be different than all the other times when I failed. I want my freedom. I want this wonderful feeling that I have now, which is a strong and healthy feeling. I love it. And yet, it is when I feel my strongest that I am my weakest. It's odd and I'm not sure how to explain it. The bigger they are, the harder they fall, that sort of thing.
You people help though. You people really do help a lot! Thank you! I am in theory supporting you, but actually you are supporting me right now.
