While I understand the urge to say "attaboy" and "well, at least you have it a try" to someone who throws away a 6 month quit, that's not the emotion I feel when I read these stories of relapses. It makes me mad. Mad that someone had done all the hard work to quit, had gotten over the hump, knew it was as simple as just not taking another puff, and, after all that made a conscious decision to go back to smoking. I guess I probably shouldn't care. So what, let 'em smoke, right? But, ya know, ya really root for the people on a site like this. It's different when someone fails in the early days of a quit. That's hand to hand combat and it can be pretty tough. Then I just feel sad for the person who tried so hard and came up short before they really got thru the nicotine withdrawal to the point where they actually had a choice. UPDATE: The man responsible for teaching me how to quit smoking must have seen this post. He popped up a thread at my support site that helped me to better understand this whole relapse thing: First article Second article I now realize a few things: a) A support group that gets bogged down with attaboys for relapses is going to ultimately become a relapse forum rather than a quitting forum. It's the simple math of nicotine addiciton. b) I need the support of successful quitters. I have found that the key to quitting is to focus on the positives: bulding on each day of success in quitting, using the desire for a more positive life as an ex-smoker as motivation rather than trying to "give up" cigarettes, and -- above all else -- a belief that I can do this. People who are able to do that every day and stay quit are motivation to me, a daily affirmation. I find the stories of people working to stay quit -- for an hour, a day, a week, a month, or a year -- inspirational. c) Getting bogged down in relapser stories doesn't help my quit and I simply can't offer the kind of "attaboy, you gave it the old college try" support people are looking for. So, from now on, I'm just going to ignore the relaspers. Don't think I'm being rude. Understand that I probably feel genuinely sorry for you when you decide to go back to smoking. Understand that I really do hope you have time to quit again some day. But, I just can't deal with it and stay focused on the simple technique that's important to me: never take another puff. It's not that I suddenly dislike you. I simply feel that you and I will both get the kind of support and focus we need in other blogs. UPDATE 2: I had a request for a bump because this conversation seems to be generating a lot good thinking on the whole topic of keeping a good quit going, which is ultimately what we are all here for: to get a good quit going and to keep it going.
