OK, so punishment for my sins last weekend is that I get to start over with quitting. I guess it serves me right. I had really gotten over the main hurdle and was ready to fight the monster. Then in a weak moment, I just had to smoke that damned cigarette.
Well my determination hasn't died. I am more determined than ever. Although I will admit, the least bit of stress and I would tackle an elderly gentleman using a cane and a walker if he had a lit cigarette. Guess I need to stay away from nursing homes.
To beat the monster, I plan to do a lot of hiking. Of course the weather refuses to cooperate right now when I need it the most so I guess I will have to hike bundled up. I hate that.
One thing I do appreciate is the supportive comments I received after I confessed to sinning and cohabitating with the nicotine monster. You know how it is, you think it's a one night stand and the next thing you know he has his boots off and parked under your table or bed and it's very difficult to make him go away.
Guess I just have to get mean and let the cold-hearted side of me fight this monster. Everyone keeps telling me, "You can do it, you're the strongest person I know." And they always have a smile when they say it. One of those smiles that makes you want to just B slap them really hard.
That is, the people who aren't around me while I'm fighting the monster. The ones who are, just look at the other people with their smile and say, "Oh yeah, Well YOU go shopping with her."
According to those who hung out with me after I quit, the monster invades my body. Thay actually claim I am a bit testy at times and a little more cranky than usual. Hmph. What do they know. They have never actually seen me on a bad day.
So here I go again. I won't deny that if a lit cigarette were to cross my path I WOULD be tempted to tackle it. But I am determined. I WILL QUIT. I WILL BE AN EX SMOKER BY JULY 1, 2012.
