Oh, sorry I apologize...

[Lisa1030]

Going out to have lunch with a friend...

Thinking OH BOY a wonderful time, fantastic conversation,  and then the "can we like go outside so I can smoke and we can continue our conversation " while we wait for our table request/ question.

Wow...ok yeah sure...sorry you want to smoke , you want to stand outside in Colorado in January in the cold and smoke.

You forgot I can't smoke, won't smoke ,quit smoking, hate cold windy outside and  cold and smoke really bothers my respiratory system.

From arrival time to the time needing.to smoke was 3 minutes...

I really was so disappointed in this request...

40 years...a friendship of 40 years...

I feel like I have to.make a hard choice...

I  have to reevaluate the friendship...since I would like to think 40 years is worth something...but my health is far more important.

From the request I felt that the need to smoke by my friend was of great importance than my friendship was.

I am taking a few days to think how best  to approach and set new limits...

I guess I could say, "oh go ahead and go.outside and smoke, I will stay inside in case they call.us for our table...I am.not willing to stand around outside in the smoking.area while.you smoke.

My health means more to.me than your need to smoke."

Pretty sure since I am not willing to be around smoke this will mean an end of a long time friendship. 

But after 5 and a half years of being.smoke free.and my friend knows this was it was why we.were having to have lunch to celebrate..I want to.think for an hour my friend could refrain.

Thank you for "listening" to.my story.

I am worth more than a smoke... 

[MarilynH]

Yes you most definetly are worth so much more than a smoke your health is worth so much more than standing outside freezing your butt offwhile your so called friend needs that cigarette fix whew for you and your precious quit journey YAY for Smokefree living and YAY for each and every Day WON, I'll also be 5 and a half quit on the 14th.....

[Barbscloud]

Sorry, but I wouldn't end a 40 friendship over this.  People didn't end frierndships with me because I went outside smoke for MANY years.  I go outside and sit with my sister sometimes when she visits, but you don't have to outside with someone.

[Lisa1030]

It isn't me that is ending the friendship, it is my friend who says that she is ending it as I wont accommodate her need to smoke because I declined to go outside the restaurant so she could smoke while waiting for our table.

Im sorry she feels this way.

Im open to seeing and visiting with her, just not standing in below 20 degrees outside weather while she smokes.

[Barbscloud]

Sorry, I didn't pick that up when I read this.  I  thought you were reevaluating the friendship because you didn't want to wait for her to smoke. Did she actually say that if you didn't go outside with her she didn't want to continue the friendship?  If so , then it isn't up to you.  She made the decision.

[sweetplt]

Congratulations on a wonderful quit...good job...I am glad you are taking a few days to think about your friendship...I have a wonderful friend for 5 years and she smokes...when I quit ... I told her I would have to not be around her for sometime...she said, “not a problem, and I won’t smoke in front of you”...well before my year up...she was at my house and I said “Mary if you want a smoke go on my porch” she did and I am not tempted because I have to have this quit.  My friendship with Mary means the world to me...I love her whether she smokes or not...that’s just me...but 40 years of friendship needs to be thought about before throwing away...sending out a prayer that you can make a decision...~ Colleen 402 DOF 

[marciem]

Wow... that's just sad.  There has to be some compromise area, especially from the smoker , who can go freeze their tushie off outside but shouldn't require it of you.  Obviously, smoking was not the only thing you two had in common, for the friendship to last 40 years and 5 years of you not smoking.

BUT, remembering all I missed out on and gave up as a smoker, including family time and my attitude of "love me, love my vice"...  I can almost see her feelings but not really.  I never had a problem going outside to smoking areas by my own self when nobody wanted to go with me.

Yes, you and your health are more important, and maybe in spring and summer you both will feel differently.  But there's also the issue of exposure to second-hand smoke, now that you're a nonsmoker you are or should be more aware of this and the effects on your health.  She, as a friend, should be cognizant of that also.

[YoungAtHeart]

I think you need to give her the option - again, perhaps - to smoke alone, or to smoke before your visit and again after.

I would tell her if she says that she would rather smoke than keep your friendship that she would be wise to take a good look at her addiction and how it is affecting her life.  If she is calling an end to your friendship, I would leave that as something for her to think about.  Might help her to put it into perspective, and you will not have lost anything over saying it.

Nancy

[Mandolinrain]

Bravo and hugs~ You did good

[sweetplt]

Oh shoot I saw your reply to Barbscloud ... she wants to end friendship because you wouldn’t go out with her while she smokes...no definitely not a friend...just disregard my response...  

[indingrl]

Your welcome

[maryfreecig]

Like you said, you need to think on it. We all get in a tangle. I know, when I'm like that, I just need to blow off steam. What I really need to do about the situation usually comes to me much later. Your friend is addicted. She can't see it.

[Sootie]

Hmmmm....sorry....I did not "get" that your friend wanted to end the friendship because you would not go outside to smoke........I thought you were still trying to decide what to say the NEXT time it happened. Because of course you are worth more than a smoke.....actually....so is she and hopefully she will figure that our soon! I've found that most smokers in my life no longer expect me to "go smoke" with them....I actually do sometimes if I want to continue a conversation. But CERTAINLY NOT in the winter cold!  

I hope your friend reconsiders her decision and that you manage to stay friends AND convince her to quit.

[Sootie]

Barbscloud‌  Sorry Barb----I don't know why my response went under a reply to you and not a reply to the whole blog.....I must have clicked something wrong. Obviously, my comment was meant for Lisa1030‌

[LanaKay]

I quit about 3 1/2 years ago. When friend or members of my family go outside to smoke I will go if the weather is good. If the weather is bad I just say “you go ahead, I’ll wait here.”

[lqsi12]

Envy is a powerful emotion, but after 5 1/2 years I would think if there may be more involved