Good morning family!
At long last a smokemare!! I was starting to feel left out…I have insomnia and I wake up, toss and turn and know how exhausted I will be all day at work…toss and turn more…get stressed that my work day productivity will suffer…So last night I woke up at 3am…started getting antsy and VOOM…Words from Taylor’s (aka Crunkgrinder) blog yesterday flashed in my mind:
“Meditation is to put it simply, being in the present moment. You try to fix your mind on what you are feeling right now, what's going on around you right now, without judgment”
So I pulled my lovely comforter up around me, gently stroked my dog Lucy, stretched and said to myself “I LOVE my cozy bed and the middle of the night is such a peaceful time…I can hear soft night sounds outside…I listened to puppy breathing (so sweet) Took a few deep breaths myself…I FELL ASLEEP in no time!!
I allowed myself to be fully present in that moment without judgment …NOT a new concept to me but as we know being ‘spiritually centered’ is a daily discipline…I just forget sometimes! I LOVE you Taylor!
Then I find myself in a dream that takes place in my Grandma’s house on the lake, a death of someone (my boyfriend in my 20s) lots of family & other people and I am obsessed with finding a cigarette…I can only find my cousin’s cigarettes and I didn’t smoke that brand. So I decide to go into town to get a pack but my car is blocked in…I decide to WALK into town and stop at Winnie’s (a local bar/restaurant) to see if she stocks them…I see them behind the bar so pull up a seat and order a glass of wine and a pack…The bartender gives me the wrong brand and walks away!!! I am seriously jonesing and thinking I won’t tell anyone but how am I going to go on EX and have Skygirl’s one year celebration and not hate myself!!! How can I lie to my BFF…I got up and high tailed it out of there.
Flash forward to I am knocking on a door and this gorgeous Javier Bardem look alike opens the door…we smile and it freeze framed and I see “To be continued” and my alarm went off…(yes I watch too much TV)…
I woke up smiling…SO glad my EX training and friends got me to sleep and protected my quit even in my dreams!
This week at work we had our yearly evaluations. I was nervous as I was handed a whole new Department which I have had to research and teach myself how to do…I have made progress but…Out of a possible 4 which my boss says no one ever gets I got a 3.5…SO many compliments about how fabulous I am and what a great asset I am to the company and nice raise for a non-profit theatre company! She has told me my ability to quit smoking and stick to it was sign of determination and character. And the benefits keep comin’!
Here is Taylor’s blog from yesterday:
https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Crunkgrinder-blog/2013/09/19/live-in-the-present
