I had my CT Scan on Tuesday and saw my pulmonologist on Wednesday. I was feeling TERRIBLE. Aside from my ever-growing shortness of breath, I have had so much pain for almost two weeks now, that all I want to do is sleep, just to escape it. I have pretty much always done that, when the pain gets too bad, I sleep. Of course, sometimes it wakes me up, but I am always hopeful that it won’t.
I was so short of breath when I arrived at the doctor’s office that I really had difficulty telling the receptionist why I was there. I was gasping for breath so not getting any help from my oxygen which is by nasal cannula and this unit does not produce a flow of oxygen unless you are inhaling through your nose. I was afraid I might pass out. I had to sign my name on form after form and the signature I gave them has no relationship whatsoever to my usual handwriting. I stood in the waiting room because I was afraid to sit down and not be able to get up or to compress my lungs even more. When the nurse called me back, she took my arm and said, “We’ll take the shortcut.” She did not lead me to the scales which are on the other side of the office. She took me straight to an exam room and told me I could sit on a chair or the exam table, wherever I was more comfortable. I asked her if I could stand. She had no objection; my breathing gets worse when I sit down or bend down. She took my oxygen saturation and had the usual look of alarm on her face that everyone does, it takes some very precise breathing for me to be able to return it to the 90’s after I have been so stressed. I got there and my blood pressure was not my usual 80/40 but a more “normal” 120/70. I explained that my shortness of breath had been really severe, particularly lately since I felt like all my ribs were broken. I explained that I thought it might be the result of a particularly severe coughing fit when I had choked on something. Oddly, it didn’t appear the next day, it took another day to show up. I remembered that because I had an appointment with my PCP the day after the coughing fit and I didn’t have that pain until the following day. It took more time than usual for the doctor to come in and I remained standing. When he did come in, he asked me if I was okay and I explained the pain thing. He told me that he had gotten the CT results which the radiology department told me would take 3-5 days. I felt a little uneasy that he got them so soon. He pulled them up and showed me a “suspicious” area at the bottom of my left lung that had not been there last year. It would have to be at the bottom since I only have my lower lobes after surgery in 2015 to remove my damaged upper lobes. He pointed it out to me, and it definitely looks different from the other nodules I have had since before surgery. It’s not particularly large but it is different. He said that he wants me to have a repeat scan in three months instead of waiting a year. He tried to reassure me that it might be “nothing”, that he has seen this kind of thing turn out to be nothing that requires attention, and he has also seen it turn out to be an early sign of lung cancer. Obviously, I am concerned. Then he told me that there is a fracture in my thoracic vertebrae that also is new. THAT would be the cause of the severe pain. I explained the coughing fit and he accepted that since I have other compression fractures in my spine that have been there for years. I am concerned, I cannot help it and my kids and husband are also concerned. I also have a mole on my nose which I asked the PCP about and she is referring me to a dermatologist. This is not new, I asked her and my rheumatologist about it months ago because it looked different to me than any other moles that I have. I think my kids are already planning my funeral. I am waiting for the referral to the dermatologist to go through. The pulmonologist wants me to see a pain specialist next week, he wants me to return to see him in three months, after the CT Scan, and he wants me to see the cardiologist who I saw back in December. They were sure I had pulmonary hypertension then, but it turned out that I don’t.
That’s it…the latest chapter in my declining health. I will see my new rheumatologist in March, my previous one retired. I am going to get some sleep, hopefully I will be able to. I might be around a little less. I will TRY to be here, but my pain level and my fatigue level are seriously changing my life these days. Thinking of all of you and sending love.
Ellen
