Need lots of prayers, lots of sound advice

[emmacarn1]

My name is Marie, and honestly I'm writing this for advice and help because I'm terribly desperate.

Cigarettes do not ease my stress, they in fact make me very unhappy. All they do is keep my life somewhat manageable. I have been trying to quit for 2 years now, since before I conceived my first child. All through my first pregnancy I smoked, feeling horrible paranoia, fear, and guilt. I gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby boy and I felt overjoyed; but that didn't stop the guilt. I couldn't breastfeed my son because of my medications and the fact that nicotine lowers your milk supply- again, I felt horrible guilt and anger at myself. After giving birth I gradually developed the most severe post-partum depression imaginable- all the medications I tried only made me worse. It seemed there was no hope for me, except to grit my teeth and push through my nightmarish reality. Now, my son is having his first birthday tomorrow and I am halfway through my second pregnancy- I still suffer life-threatening depression and uncontrollable anxiety, and both these factors cause me to smoke a pack and a half a day, and have complete panicky meltdowns if I try to quit (and I'm constantly trying to quit)

At this point I know, i'm risking my unborn child's life and jeopordizing my sanity. The guilt is inconceivable. My only hope for getting better and not dying is a brain-training program called neurofeedback, which evidently has helped thousands of hopeless cases like mine, but I've just started it and I'm not sure if it will help. I just quit less than an hour ago, threw the rest of my pack away in disgust. Honestly and openly, I am feeling desperate and need advice to help stay quit. I've tried everything it seems.

[robinata]

hi my name is robin i feel the same about smoking i quit and then start up agan i pray every night that god will help me and forgive me for i am a sinner by smoker my children are all grown up but i smoked with all of the except my baby girl and now she is 30 and is the only one who smokes keep your chin up and pray thats what i do and plus i use the lsengers the mint ones seem to help,let god be with you . robin

[YoungAtHeart]

Welcome to our community!

Don't be guilty!  Get committed to never smoking another cigarette NO MATTER WHAT.

May I start by reminding you that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? You are not changing anything, and thus probably  EXPECT failure.  And - that is exactly what you will get if you don't do something different.   A successful quit needs a bit of education, planning and preparation.  If you have already quit (and want to make it stick), you can do most of these things after you quit.

The most important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This is an easy and entertaining read. Here is a link to a free PDF version of it:

http://media.wix.com/ugd/74fa87_2010cc5496521431188f905b7234a829.pdf

As well, read the sections on this site, and read the blogs, responses and pages of folks you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com and quitsmokingonline.com for the good information contained there. You should also do the tracking and separation exercises suggested on this site (if you are not already quit).

After you have completed the recommended reading, it will be time to make an informed choice of the quit aid, if any, you will use. If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch. But – any method that you think will work well for you will be best for you.  Depending on how long you have been quit, you might be able to still use a quit aid.  If you have been quit over 72 hours, try not to reintroduce the nicotine back into your system.

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand. If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different.

You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.  Don't let that smoking thought rattle around your head alone.  Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...

The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!

Nancy

[CommunityAdmin]

Marie-

Despite your admission to weakness it's evident you are also a strong person. You've posted blog posts that others will undoubtedly connect with. This community is about support and about finding others like you. The most amazing thing about it is that you unknowingly help people that never even comment. Certainly we hope that everyone would acknowledge when they are helped but this isn't the reality. Writing down your thoughts is a great process to grow and hold yourself accountable. And it is a great record of your journey.

As with any community there will be a variety of opinions. Things that apply and things that aren't so good. Fortunately there are many seasoned people here who have an amazing number of DOF. Don't feel guilty if even the most successful ones' advice doesn't completely apply to you.  We're all a little different and need our own individual approach. Reading and opening your mind to other's stories will be a helpful part of the process. Pick and choose what works for you.

By all means, come back often.  You and your growing family are in our thoughts!

[Puff-TM-Draggin]

For what they're worth, my prayers are with you.

Now for some sound advice, because my prayers aren't worth much.  You are a nicotine addict.  I'm sure this is not news to you.  But do you comprehend what that means?  It means your brain has mutated.  You have so conditioned it to the pure pleasure of dopamine baths that it now tells you that you are not comfortable unless you continue to bath it accordingly.  You are already aware that, rationally, you do not want to smoke, but your brain's pleasure receptors are telling your body otherwise.  You need to understand that, in this respect, your brain is malfunctioning.  But it is not dead.  It is still capable of reason.  So you need to reason this with yourself, (knowledge.)  If you force yourself to NOT smoke, (willpower,) and you change your perception of quitting smoking from giving up something to gaining something, (mindset,) and you give your brain time to heal, which it can and will provided you let it, you will quit smoking.  It's really that simple.

It's not easy, but you can get a better sense of this by reading Allen Carr's Easy Way To Quit Smoking.  It is easy to read and is enlightening.  If, after reading it, you choose to continue smoking, at least you won't be an ignorant smoker.  It also debunks a lot of the lies and excuses with which we, as addicts, are all too familiar.  If you are serious about quitting, and I hope for that babies sake, for your son's, and for yours, that you are, please read it.  Then do the preparatory steps outlined here at Ex, pick a date to quit, and begin your journey to freedom.

Here is a link to the free, online edition.

There is a wonderful gang here that is more than willing to support and encourage you along the way.  Just let us know when we can begin.

Be committed.  Be well.  Be free.

[tjanddj]

You haven't given up and that is good to see. My prayers are with you. Do follow the advice given to you here. Do come here  to get the support and encouragement that these people are so willing and wanting to give. Being smoke free is well worth the discomfort we go through. There is life without the cigarette, there really is.

[elvan]

Please listen to the advice above,  you are NOT a hopeless case, no one is a hopeless case.  I am so sorry for your depression and panic attacks, I really believe that each hour and then day that you put behind you, you will feel stronger and less apt to feel panic.  Come here every day, read blogs, connect with people, know that there IS life after cigarettes and it is a MUCH BETTER life, you will be FREE!

Welcome, we are here for you.

[djmurray]

Elvan is right, Marie -- none of us are hopeless cases.  I was desperate when I started this, my gazillionth quit in the 53 years I smoked.  I was someone who never got to hate smoking; I just knew that if I didn't quit I would be carrying oxygen around really soon.  I actually saw an X-ray of my lungs and I started feeling really bad for them.

But this time was different,  I got educated (reading the Carr book and the materials on this site and at whyquit.com.) I watched videos on YouTube of people who didn't quit soon enough when I really needed a boost in my commitment.  What I learned is that when I give up smoking I am giving up NOTHING of value.  Yes, I had craves, but I realzied that that crave was just asking me to satisfy the crave created by the last cigarette I smoked.  It's an endless cycle.  As Puff says, it's the addiction.  The nicotine is out of your system in roughly 72 hours, but the fact is we smokers wound smoking into every single thing we did.  Happy? Smoke.  Sad? Smoke. Anxious? Smoke.  Depressed?  Smoke.  Bored? Smoke.  Need a Break? Smoke.  We spent all our smoking years intertwining cigarettes into everything we did.  You don't unlearn that in 3 weeks or 3 months.  But it DOES get easier.  I will be celebrating a year quit at the end of this month, and I didn't think I could do it.

It might be helpful for you to find some people on here whose opinions you value, and then go back to their earliest blogs.  You will find that they were nervous and desperate too. 

You can definitely do this.  Stay close to this site (I see that you were here once over a year ago, another time about 4 months ago and today.  The easiest and possibly most effective thing you can do is promise yourself that you will log on every single day and read the blogs and write a blog if you want to.  Focus on making the time you are not smoking as a time when you are educating yourself.  Know that you will have craves but you can get through them.  Take deep breaths, stick your head in the freezer.  Some people think biting into a lemon, peel and all, is the best way to counter a crave.  Have patience with yourself and know that you just have to be willing to quit.  Willing to go through the discomfort -- and sometimes strong discomfort  -- knowing it will pass.  And knowing that the longer you stick with this the easier it will get, and before you know it you will be so darn proud of yourself that you will keep it up.  You'll love the fact that you're not spending money to buy them; you're not going out in the middle of the night (or in a storm) to get them.  You will love the fact that your children won't smell that stale cigarette smell when you hold them in your arms.  If you need a Nicotine Replacement method, use one (but e cigs aren't a great choice in my opinion because you're still doing the hand to mouth thing and your inhaling different chemicals into your lungs.  But there are tools that have worked for everyone.  There's Chantix and Wellbutrin.  Gum and patches.  It's there to help you if you need it.

Sorry to ramble on like this, but I feel your pain and would like to help in any way I can.