Yay!!! It’s day 2 and I am still alive!
Jokes apart, day 1 was really hard. Especially because I have no support network at home. My friends and family either do not know I smoke or firmly believe I won’t quit.
Remember all the disappointed friends and family who don’t believe you want to quit, or are trying to quit - remember those that refuse to acknowledge addiction is a chronic illness and not lack of ‘willpower’? You already know my family and friends!!!
My last cigarette on the day before I quit was around 1pm in the afternoon - and I was already in withdrawal in the evening before I quit > had a hard time sleeping. In the morning, I was free at 10am and in my car. My mind was begging me to buy some smokes, so I did something from the “craving busters “ - went to and walked around inside a Goodwill store. Then to Seattle children’s bargain store, then to American Cancer society thrift store. It was still just 12:00 noon and I wasn’t safe until 3pm when my daughter gets out of daycare. So I visited four more thrift stores- the last one about 20 miles from home. At 2pm, while driving back, I was fighting with myself as I wanted to go pick up a cigarette but turned my car in a different direction- told myself I would be stronger in the end (feels like stupid stuff right now as I am still in withdrawal on day2) - then told myself I might get that smoke on day 4 or later but was not gonna make day 1 turn to “day - same old **bleep** where I am miserable “
so I got myself to a decent food joint and ate like a pig (I eat lunch at 3 after I pick up my daughter from daycare) - then ate a decent sized pack of peanut M&Ms - I don’t care if I gain weight- I’ll cross that bridge if I don’t jump off the others by then.
After I picked my daughter up, I was relatively safe - I never smoke around her, or at home, or even an hour before I am around her. By 6Pm with some more food and coffee in my belly, I was doing better but was having irritability and anger issues.
And because of the wonderful (lack of) support system I have, I couldn’t even tell them that I am in withdrawal and hence irritable.
Dropped my wife and kid at soccer practice at 6:30pm. And until 8 pm when I had to pick them up, made myself busy with anything and everything other than sitting free. The point “Keep moving “ in articles here about day 1 of quitting were spot on!
Had another sleepless night- got less than 5.5 hours and cravings woke me up. So, am writing this journal to stave off those cravings while I wait for my coffee to brew.
please do let me know if you see something I am doing wrong and let me know so I can do better. I can take a couple of punches so I don’t mind getting hit. My daily life is the dictionary definition for “Self deprecating humor”
