Void,
I saw the commercials for this site in late October on TV. I had always known I was going to quit, but I always managed to say, "Tomorrow" or "After I graduate" or after whichever arbitrary milestone I set. I logged on. First, out of curiosity. I have always been skeptical and easily irritated by quit smoking sites, pamphlets, lectures, etc. I had a smokers self-righteousness and my ire would quickly turn to indignation as I defended my addiction. To some this will make sense. to others, perhaps not.
But this site was different. It didn't preach or judge unlike other "resources." It mere provided the information and says, "you choose when and how." It impressed me and I kept reading.
I started tracking my cigarettes and set a quit date of November 8th, 2009. Initially it was in late October, but too many slip-ups made me realize that I needed more help. So I started Chantix and kept researching, tracking my cigarettes, and thinking of strategies when confronted with my triggers. In the 16 days since my quit began, I've only had one weak moment where I smoked 2 cigarettes. I have since decided that this particular trigger is my most dangerous and I am avoiding it. No bars unless there is an activity to keep me busy. If uncomfortable in social situations or at a party where I don't know anyone I must leave. No more bourbon or nights out drinking with friends. No more fast food or high fat-content foods, I must eat healthy. You get the idea.
I'm 27 and changing my entire lifestyle. i didn't even know I had a life that could be changed I've been in school, waiting to start my career, for so long. I hadn't realized how socially isolating cigarettes were, but even worse, I didn't realize how much more socially isolating quitting cigarettes is.
Of course, my parents and other family members are supportive; but, they've never dealt with addiction. They like that fact that I'm "maturing" by changing my lifestyle. But the truth is that I miss being bale to go out and enjoy being young, rowdy, and idiotic with my friends. I still see them, but due to the activities they like to plan, my quit has forced me to decline many social invitations. Its the trigger, and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it.
I've already made the decision that I will stay on Chantix for an additional 12 weeks after the initial, recommended, 12 weeks. I used to be a 1.5 pack a day smoker. I need that time. At week 12, I will start going with my friends to bars again. At week 12, I will start drinking again (if I feel like it), and at week 12 I'm going to re-acquaint myself with being young, rowdy, and idiotic. Except, at week 12, I will do so without cigarettes. That is my hope and my conviction. We will see how it progresses and changes over time.
I am nervous about getting off the Chantix. Have I traded one psychological and neurological dependency on dopamine from nicotine to another chemical? Will I still be quit a year from now? Do the urges ever go away or is this something I will have to fight for the rest of my life? I suppose it is very specific to each individual, in which case the answers to my questions are a mystery. I'll let you know how it works out as the mystery unfolds.
- HM
