2 weeks nicotine free now. Today I had this thought about how much I could smoke without my wife noticing. One drag? A whole cig? I considered it for far too long. I've always treated those I love badly. Constantly pushing boundaries, testing how far I could go, how much I could get away with. It's always been I don't know if it's the nicotine addiction manifesting as an extension of my mischievous nature, or just part of who I am, but today after accepting and dismissing my thoughts it struck me that the origin of the thought is important to note for self-reflection and later discussion with my counselor, but has no impact on the present moment. Where it comes from and why it comes are irrelevant when all I need to do is label it as a craving and deal with it. Just some random thoughts I wanted to jot down, I'm much better about putting them here than my personal journal because if it's here there might be someone who stumbles across it exactly when they need it. 2 weeks down, forever to go. Thank you to everyone, even if you don't realize it reading all your posts helps get me through the rough days.
