Missing.

[kristen-9-7-15]

Oh, I am missing smoking. I know I am going to get yelled at and told to read and educate myself but gosh darn it, I miss smoking! I know I am supposed to be positive and uppity but I don't want to be at this moment. 

Elders.... When will it end? Am I always going to miss it? 

Ugh

maybe I need to stop reading and blogging because it just makes me think about smoking.  Although im addicted to this site. Lol

just feeling blah. 

Dont worry, I won't smoke but I want to.

1 month, 26 days, 3 hours and 4 minutes smoke free

[Courage]

I'm no elder, other than older than you, but the giving up my quit over a year ago has robbed me of so much. I remember just reaching monthh four and feeling so much pride and joy and yes, smoking thoughts didn't dominate my life.... Now over a year later I've lost my health, pride and much more.  So not worth it,,,, Stay on course

End of day one again 

[TerrieQuit]

Hi, Kristen! Hang in there! It really does get better! I am not an Elder, but I can tell you that you will stop missig it and thinking about every waking minute. It will become an hour or two and then maybe a day. Each one of our quits are very different, so it just depends on you and your quit! I am at a point where I can go almost a whole day without missing smoking! Yes I think about it when I am on this site! but It makes be think about not wanting to smoke ever again!

Hang tough, Kristen! It really does get better! You are doing this!  xo

Terrie  119  DOF

[Sootie]

Kristen-

I absolutely promise that it gets better! There WILL come a day when you do not think of smoking at all........there will come a day when you are appalled that you EVER smoked. But you have to persevere to get to those days. 

I am sorry but I AM going to suggest you go to whyquit.com and re-read some things on why you think you "miss this". PLEASE! You do need to work on ridding yourself of that attitude. I know its not easy......but it is so worth it. 

Thanks for friending me by the way! 

Stay Strong.

[Jennifer-Quit]

The first couple of months of my quit, thoughts of smoking were with me 24-7.  I would wake in the middle of the night and reach - for what?  They weren't there....It does get better.  I cannot tell you exactly when because for me it was a gradual process.  Was it worth it?  Oh hell yes!  I am at 18 months today and it was worth all the discomfort that I went thru.  I read Jojo's blog today (she had a lung transplant in her early 50's) and it reinforced why I decided to quit and why I choose to remain quit.  You are young enough to really reap all the benefits of quitting - dont give up!  It is worth it!

[Jennifer-Quit]

Hey - I wasn't yelling - lol

[JACKIE1-25-15]

I can remember where you are so clearly. The constant thought of smoking.  You keep wondering when is it going to go away.  In time,  but in the mean time when those thoughts come you have to "flip the switch".  Tell Old Nic he can come at you but he is  wasting \ time. Scream that you  are not going to smoke no matter what.  Let that addiction know that you are in control and you are not going to be fooled. Tell it to be gone because it is a lie.  You do not miss smoking in fact you are happiewr not smoking.  Its a mindless illusion that the addiction brings on. .  Think of something else.  Eventually the thoughts will decrease.  Just give it some time. You have to go through to get through. Have an attitude that If this is what is takes you can  make it.  We are addicts we have to learn self talk as a tool to get through.  It works if you use it. 

stay close.

[Puff-TM-Draggin]

Kristen ... You're breathing down my neck in NML, (i.e. we quit within weeks of each other,)  and, trust me, I know what you mean.  If it weren't for that I don't do that anymore I'd be doing it right now.

But then I'd have less to throw in the bonfire next year ... and that was fun, wasn't it?  Plus I'd have hundreds of dollars less in my pocket, (well, in my attorney's pocket, anyway ... but if I'd given it to Phillip Morris I'd still owe it to her ... so I guess I'm still further ahead than if I smoked.)  And I have to admit, I do feel like I can take deeper breaths now, even if they are breath lites v. the Chernobyl fog clouds of which I believed I'd grown so fond.

So I can see some buds on this quit, even if they haven't quite blossomed yet.  They say it takes time and I'm giving it until I die.  However, I do keep one stashed in my esophagus that, in the event my life starts flashing before my eyes, I'm going to cough up and smoke before the final light goes out.  (Well ... if I did that I would.)  (maybe.)

Anyway ... keep the quit.  We may miss it but so f***ing what.  I miss a lot of things and they aren't comin' back.  At least we can claim this one for ourselves!

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Have you ever read the link about what to expect in the first 4 months?

Have you ever seen mention of 130 days?

Have you ever heard me say people have their first days of not thinking of smoking around day 100 or two weeks less?

Well, why do you think I harp on this stuff. 🙂 🙂

[YoungAtHeart]

I don't really think you want to smoke - the addict within wants its fix!  Nothing that is bothering you will be helped by smoking.  It just starts the cycle of giving your brain receptors their fix and then they start yapping almost immediately for their next one!

Don't fall victim to the addiction again.  Hang in there!  It does get easier - but you have to stay the course.

Get busy!  Don't let those thoughts rattle around in your head alone.  Watch a movie, play a computer game, DO something!

Nancy

[JonesCarpeDiem]

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/06/26/what-to-expect-...

[elvan]

That romancing the cigarette is dangerous to your quit and to your health.  This is a journey, Kristen, it is not an event and it is one day at a time, sometimes one MINUTE at a time.  The obsession does go away, you have to be willing to LET it go, you have to understand that you do not have to give the craves power over you...let them come and go and remember that they WILL go even if you don't smoke and each time you get through another one, YOU get stronger!  You can do this, just remember that there are good times and bad times in everyone's life...even if they ARE smoking!

[MarilynH]

Great advice above me Kristen, read Dales link because it helped me so much in the first few months of my quit. It's definitely a must read for sure and it should help strengthen your resolve to keep your precious quit. I believe keeping your mind as well as your hands occupied really helps and I liked watching comedies either on TV or youtube, laughter is the best medicine. You are sooooooo much stronger than you realize my friend. 

Marilyn 

[summer-07-06-15]

Glad you're still quit.  Your addict wants to have the upper hand, perhaps you may want to deep breath, clean, exercise or remember no such a thing as one cigarette.

N. O. P. E.

[Mrs.Rum]

Yeah, it does get better.  But you have to get there.  And the only way to get there is to stick it out.  Time and tide. 

It's worth it.  Hang in there.

[Patty-cake]

Hi Kristin.

This is great that you are blogging. What you are feeling is normal.

When I was just less than 2 months into my quit, I missed smoking too.

I had to relearn how to get ready in the morning, drive my car, take breaks at work, etc.

I also had to relearn how to celebrate when my husband told me we were going on a cruise, or control my anger when the boss was a jerk to me. 

From daily functions to every emotion, smoking was part of everything we did. You are relearning every aspect of your life. You have a great start - one month, 26 days, etc. You go girl! You are moving in the right direction. Give yourself a pat on the back. Hurrah! 

Take it from me and all of the other who have commented, it certain does get better. Stick with this decision you've made to take your life back. You are worth it! I promise, it does get better.

[bonniebee]

I miss smoking, a part of me always will or at least that is what I think now . I can live with that because what i am gaining is so much better then a cigarette . Just this morning my  friend karen who is a smoker had to run out first thing this morning to buy a pack because she ran out anfd forgot to buy more . I was so happy to throw all of the unsmoked cigs in the bonfire this week-end !

The best part for me is the freedom just to know I do not have to have a cigarette in order to feel normal ! I can breathe so much better now.

I don't have to feel guilty smoking around my pets !

Just think of all  of the reasons you wanted to quit I know sometimes when a crave hits ,especially in the early part of your quit all of those reasons sometimes don't even make sense but truly they really do ! The addict in you that was once controlled by ole Nic wants you to forget ....He is a tricky little demon don't fall for it just say to  yourself "I don't do that anymore " then think of something you  can do now...... and do it !

Congrats to you it is wonderful to be in NML that means you are making great progress in your journey !

I am glad you were honest about how you are feeling but do not dwell  there  Think Positive thoughts!

[bonniebee]

Just another thought and suggestion I went to you tube and did a self hypnosis  for quitting smoking I think it really helped me ,can't prove it but it was relaxing and I only did it 2 times wish I knew how to give you the link to it there were quite a few of them check them out !

[Giulia]

Are you gonna miss it forever?  I'm almost 10 years quit.  Do I MISS it - yeah, sometimes.  Most times I don't.  Do I still have a hankering for one after my morning coffee?  No.  After my time in the garden?  No.  With my evening cocktail?  No.  But sometimes a craving will come out of the blue and knock me for a loop.  And if you were to ask me in that moment, I'd probably say YES IT'S GONNA LAST FORVER!  But - no - in reality, it's not.  And remember - those moments of craving - pass.  Like bad gas in our systems.  Too bad there isn't the equivalent to GasX for our Craves -  CraveX.

We're addicts.  Well, I can only speak for myself.   But the "draw" to this habit/addiction/weakness/sucesstibility is there.  It's just what's so.  

That you "want to smoke" after 2 months quit is par for the course.  But here's the question you need to ask yourself:  do you want to smoke as much now as you did on the first or second or third day of your quit.  Be honest now with yourself.  Are you really as off-the-wall with cravings as you were in the beginning two months ago?  My guess is - probably not.  That you want to smoke - sure, I'll grant you that.  But there's no comparison  to where you were to months ago, but a great disparity between the you of then and the you of now.

And it keeps getting wider.  That disparity.  Until you don't really remember who the "you" was that had a cigarette in your mouth every 20 minutes a day.  Because that "you" has moved on to the next "you" on your journey.  The "new you." 

On another note... if reading and blogging is keeping you in cigarette thinking mode - get out of here. Now!   But don't stay away too long.  There was a point in my quit where I felt I needed to get AWAY from the quit site.  Constant reading is constant thinking about cigarettes.  And the object is to STOP THINKING about cigarettes. Being on here daily helps, until it has the obverse affect.  Trust your instincts on this.  

If you choose to leave - don't stray too far.  Drop in once in a while.  Reconnect.  It's easy to forget and easy to be seduced by this addiction.  In my opinon only,

[Bonnie11.3.2009]

It helps me to remember those "wanting to smoke" moments are really, "wanting some dopamine" triggers.  That's what  kept us trapped in the past, to avoid withdrawal and to give ourselves more and more dopamine, we smoked!  

Today when I occasionally have a thought of smoking I take a moment to process that I am under some kind of stress or wanting some kind of reward and am searching for that Dopamine!  Once I get tot he bottom of the thought of smoking, I can make a rational decision and tell myself, of course i want some dopamine, but smoking isn't the way I choose to get it today.  They I go for a walk, take a warm bath, lift some weights, call a friend etc etc and get my dopamine a healthy way!

Best to you, know that you struggles, discomfort are sooooooo very worth it!

[Mike.n.Atlanta]

Quit romancing the weed Kristen & do some more homework. It's gonna get better I promise.

Keep on keepin on,

[cpsono]

I'm late to the party, but I do want to put my 2 cents in.  Kristen, you should be really proud of yourself to have quit smoking at your young age.  When I was in my 30's, I had no intention to ever quit, let alone the ability to see down the road.  I'm sure I'm not alone on this site in saying that I wish I would have quit much sooner than I did.  As others have said, every quit is different and I myself still have not had a single day that I have not thought about cigarettes.  I'm through NML, but unfortunately there was no magic whistle that went off and signaled to me that I would never have another crave!  All I have to offer you is what works for me: have faith that it will get better and better-the elders tell us that and I believe them!  Have faith that you have done the right thing--there is NO down side to quitting!!!!  Finally, what has saved my butt a few times is remembering that one puff is a decision to smoke again all day, every day, smell, stigma, wasted money, etc. etc.  You don't want to smoke my friend and neither do I-NOPE NOPE!!     CP 160 DOF

[Terri103]

Kristen, here's how it is/was for me.  When I started what I believed would be my forever quit, I had all the struggles that everyone has, the ups and downs, the big craves and little craves.  Around day 90, I hardly thought about cigarettes anymore.  When I saw people smoking on sidewalks, or in their cars, I felt sorry for them,  I would shake my head and wish I could help them all.  I just didn't miss it anymore, and it felt great.  But about a month later, I had some issues that kicked off a whole lot of my emotional triggers and the craves came back.  I'm not sure that I was missing them so much as Wanting them.  I wanted something to comfort me, because there wasn't a someOne to comfort me.  And it just kept building and building.  Because I have depression (oops.....sounds like an excuse....sorry) I just hit lower and lower, and my brain just wasn't working in my favor anymore.  On day 136 of my forever quit, instead of blogging help, I smoked.  I smoked 5 in about 45 minutes.  I hated every one of them.  But I made myself smoke and smoke, because if I had blown my precious, proud as hell quit, I was going to enjoy it damn it.  That night I had a couple more and then destroyed the rest.  A day or so later, I did it again,  and yet a third time.  and then I was done for.  And it only took about 3 weeks to get back to smoking regular.  Every cigarette was a shameful guilt trip.  My lost quit hung over every single cigarette I smoked.  But I had already opened up Nic again and the grief of losing the quit was overwhelming.  I am finally back, after two months of ugly shameful horrible smoking.  It was not fun, it was the worst smoking of my life.  I am here to tell you, that once you've quit....and it might be "once you've quit with EX", smoking is never the same.  You Will miss smoking, but that smoking that you miss is in the past and can't come back.  I tried to reunite with my "comfort and joy" for two months and it never happened.  So, IF you give in and smoke, it will be a different kind of smoking, and your lost quit will haunt you and hang heavy on your shoulders.  I'm still dealing with that, I am partially emotionally stuck with thoughts of that blown quit.  The smoking you miss is gone forever.  Keep sharing your feelings and thoughts, and if I have an experience that can give you perspective, I will share it.   hugs.   

[northern-eclipse]

Misery loves company. Hang in there. I'm OK at the moment. I miss smoking too. But I'm not missing the money I saved and stashed away. Maybe take some money you would've spent on them and treat yourself to something; you deserve it.