Mindset

[judymarie2323]

I need to make a new commitment. I don't know what will work for me. I've tried everything. I fail. Why can't I do this. Maybe I'm making too much of it. Change the way I think. I've known so many people who have quit so why can't I. One friend who quit for four years said she was struggling to not smoke just the other day Because she was around smokers. That discourages me. Sorry about being negative. I'm not the one to help you yet because I'm the one who isn't doing very good helping myself. I will start again. I have to find some inspiration.One thing that always helps when I feel bad is gratitude.Just keep being grateful and it changes your whole attitude. Anyway I hope you all have a great day and congrats to all for another day smoke free.

[YoungAtHeart]

You need to stop playiing around with this and simply commit to never smoking another cigarette NO MATTER WHAT. 

It sounds to me like your friend is still believing that she gave something good up.  She never came to an important revelation that smoking does not ONE thing for you....not one.  It gives a quick hit of dopamine, but then creates stress wanting its next fix.  Have you done the recommended reading?  If not, then do it THIS time.  Think about why you smoke, what you think it gives you.  Perhaps you think it helps you think?  The only reason you believe that is that it stops the clamoring in your brain that the receptors are creating for their next fix.  You think it calms you?  Well - for the brief moment you get that dopamine hit ---- but then it creates MORE stresss with the clamoring. 

We all hid from our emotions and situations in our lives behind a cloud of smoke - and relearnig life as an ex-smoker requires that we deal with things we hid from our entire smoking time.  Perhaps that is what is giving you a difficult time? 

Please don't keep "trying" to do this until you have a health crisis that makes the decision for you.

Nancy

[ex-smokestack]

I am like you. I have had to reset my quit day several times. But this time I will make it. So far none of the medical aids have worked for me but I was down to just 3 smokes a day so I should be able to eliminate those.  I have decided, mostly by reading my own blogs, that my "need to" is greater than my "want to". That has got to change. I need more real friends, more socialization. I am working on that. I have started attending church more often and staying to visit with aquaintances there, getting to know people better. And I am calling old friends and far-flung family that I have become distanced from. But not from my old "smoking" table on the porch. I stay inside with my phone and have discovered several places in the house where my phone works.

We can do this!!

[JACKIE1-25-15]

It is difficult getting through to someone whose mind is set.  Part of quitting is letting go of the stinking thinking.  That is negative thinking.  If you think negative you may never pass day one and as \ long as you keep dippin the nicotine you will never get it out of your system.  It takes approximately 3 days.  If you want to let go believe that you can do it.  If you can just smoke a few a day you have already proven that you can do with out a cigarette.  You will not die if you quit smoking.   It is what you SET your mind to not smoke.  You can not compare yourself to anyone. Some people have quit smoking and still have stinkin thinkin.  First step is to not think that you need to have it because you don't,  To change your thinking you have to talk to your addictive brain and tell it to go to hell. Give your life a chance to prove that you can do this for yourself.   Your life will be much better for it. 

[judymarie2323]

Nancy you are so right. Smoking does nothing. And to think I'm a nurse. I see the effects of smoking everyday. And people younger than me at that. I think about it all the time. And actually, I have had several mini strokes and didn't know it until I had one that really woke me up. Very slightly weaker on my right side. And it's crazy I smoke. I know if I quit smoking everything else would start falling into place as far as taking care of myself. Thank you Nancy.

[judymarie2323]

Smokestack5 thank you. I do believe going to church helps and meeting knew people. That shows me you're starting to feel more positive. A happy person. I believe that will come for me when I become a successful ex! I've tried cutting down but that won't be my style. For me it's all or nothing. The best help for me so far has been the patch to get me start, church helps, 12 step if I can keep myself working them and a lot of positive non smoking supportive friends like y'all. Thank you smokestack 5!

[judymarie2323]

Thank you Jackie! Staying positive is the first step. I was scared to reach out. I feel like a failure. I'm so glad now that I did. The support and encouragement feels wonderful. You guys rock!!!

[elvan]

So sorry you are struggling, I, too am a nurse, retired RN who smoked her brains out with knowledge of what smoking does.  It didn't seem to help me.  I have not smoked now for 899 days, I remember how much I WANTED to quit and then I remember making a commitment to myself, not to anyone else.  I promised myself complete honesty and if I could REALLY say to myself HONESTLY that smoking would help something, make something better, then I would smoke.  Guess what, smoking changes nothing except your health.  No crave ever killed anyone, you know that is not true of smoking.  Do the reading, just because you are a nurse does not mean you are educated on addiction, you have to do this one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time.  I will not tell you it is easy in the beginning but I WILL tell you that it is DOABLE!  You CAN do this.  Get your little quit kit together and stop making excuses, you NEED to quit.  The next stroke might not be "mini."

[crazymama_Lori]

It's because you don't want to let go.  Have a mind-set of I just don't want to do this anymore.  If you use the patch/gum/whatever, the first 30 days are terrible.  You're relearning life all over again.  You're going to be reaching for that pack of cigarettes every time you turn around.  They're not there, but you're still reaching.  You have to relearn how to react to certain things.  Have you sat down and tracked your cigarettes to figure out why and when you smoke.  Have you filled out that other section about what you are going to do instead of lighting up.  this takes work and does not happen overnight.  think of it as going on a diet. If you want to lose weight, you exercise and watch what you eat.  You have to keep at it in order for it to work.  

I've seen how you were blogging in the beginning and then fell off because you felt you were bothering people and becoming a nuisance.  Oh, no, my dear friend, far from it.  Do you know why?  Because we've all been there and went through those stages.  And there are stages.  I call them cycles.  The first time they rear their ugly heads is when we just want to give up.  It's too hard.  Yeah, it is hard.  But you're never going to know what's on the other side if you don't stick with it.  It's frustrating when they say, give it time, it will get better, you'll feel better soon.  You just want to scream back when, when is it going to get better, 10 days from now, 20 days from now, 6 months from now?  There's no precise, exact answer because we all go through this differently.  I've read somewhere where there's a theory of how long it takes you to finally be free depends on how long you smoked.  But of course they trail off right there.  Well, that tells me nothing.

They say it takes 2 seasons to finally be free, meaning 2 years.  You have to go through the seasons changing, anniversaries, holidays, birthdays, personal events in your life that you smoked your way through.  We use smoking to smother our emotions.  some smoke to relax..... learn calming techniques.  Some smoke to relieve stress.... see prior answer.  Some smoke because they're angry/mad.  See prior-prior answer.  Some use it because of depression/sadness/loneliness..... take walks, join a zumba class, volunteer.  get those pleasure centers working, dopamine flowing.

Come here and whine every day.  Come here and share your feelings.  We can't support you if you don't let us know what to help you with.  We've all been there.  I was afraid to take the next step.  I wanted to quit so bad but the thought of not having that magical white tube which I thought solved everything scared the hell outta me.  But you know what, that white tube was not magical.  I had the control.  I can solve anything.  I certainly don't need that cigarette to do it for me....... 

[Daniela2016]

JudieMarie, 

You are totally right, you do need the mindset in order to be able to quit.

Throughout the years I kept telling myself "I am not ready", and mind you, I have worked in the medical/pharma field my whole life, no reason to ignore the potential risks.

I am sure it happened to you too, to be sick and despite being difficult to breathe, I managed to keep smoking.  But one day was the day when I asked myself "Why???" Why was I doing that to myself?  And I decided it was time I quit.

Not sure about the outcome, I used Nicorette, then the electronic cigarette, then I ended up on this site.  And it was HERE everything changed for me.

If you did not read Allan Carr's book The Easy Way to Quit smoking, please, please read it.  I never thought a book could have such an impact on me.  I learned if I quit there is nothing to lose, and everything to gain.  I became happy when I felt the need to smoke, and looked at it as a sign I am in recovery!

Please read the book before you even set another quit date.  I was still using the e-cigarette while reading the book and I dropped before my quit date, and before I even finished the book.

I hope these help with your wonderful decision!

Daniela

[plug66]

YOU JUST NEED TO THROW THEM AWAY AND BE DONE I CAN"T CUT BACK GOTTA GO THE WHOLE NINE YARDS> THE THING ABOUT YOUR FRIEND IS THAT JUST BECAUSE SHE HAD CRAVES BEING AROUND THE SMOKERS< IMPORTANTLY, SHE DID NOT CAVE IN YOU CAN DO IT NEVER EVER THOUGHT I COULD, BUT I AM

[Strudel]

It discouraged me too - to hear about people who still wanted to smoke after years! So, I decided from the start that I was going to work to NOT have that mindset! Have you done the reading before your last quit? If not - please check out - 

  

Carr's "Easy Way to Stop Smoking" -

  

http://media.wix.com/ugd/74fa87_2010cc5496521431188f905b7234a829.pdf

And the free course at http://quitsmokingonline.com/ 

Those really helped me to turn around the way I thought about smoking - I learned that smoking really gave me absolutely nothing! And, after 40 years of smoking - that was truly amazing! You can do this! 

[Giulia]

WARNING - TOUGH LOVE COMING.  Don't read if you're delicate.

Judy, i don't get iti.  On June 2nd you said you were gonna do this if  "it means changing people places and things. Ya gotta do what you gotta do."  And now here you are three later (just THREE DAYS LATER) saying you need to make a new commitment.  What happened?  What happened in the past three days that altered the commitment that you HAD made?  For you HAD made a commitment.  So.. what happened?  What changed your commitment.  Or, what weakened it enough so that you have to come back and make a new one?  Look at THAT.  THAT'S your answer. 

I'm not sitting here trying to chastise you for your failure, I'm trying to say YOU HAVE THE ANSWER.  You just don't seem to  want to employ it.  Having and attitude of gratitude and all that stuff is great but having an attitude of SELF DISCIPLINE is better.  You're not a failure, but you are allowing failure by not sticking with your commitment.  Making a NEW commitment means you didn't adhere to the LAST ONE!  So - what exactly does a commitment mean to you???  Arrrgh!

A commitment - is a commitment.  Commitments aren't built on shifting sands.  Come on! 

And don't use "One friend who quit for four years said she was struggling to not smoke just the other day Because she was around smokers" as an excuse.  Do you SEE that that's an excuse for your continued failed thinking????  Well, THEY still feel a craving even after 4 years, so gee that must mean it's hard to quit all along that  four year journey, so it's gonna be tough and though I have to start all over, it's understandable because ....  My God. 

Yes, I'm yelling at you.  And yelling loudly because I give a damn and because I know you can do this.  And because I want this for you,.  We ALL do.  But I seem to be the one to yell the loudest.  And that's okay if it makes the necessary impact.

You're a nurse, you've had several mini-strokes...You'd better figure out what will work for you.  Before you don't have the choice any more.  Seriously.