Meet Mrs. Stupid

[maraisa]

I have been smoke free for 9.5 months. Sunday, during a full blown panic attack I bought a pack of cigs and smoked ONE. 

It hurt my throat, tasted terrible, and didn't help the way it used to, you know? I immediately regretted it and tossed the pack out of the window. I didn't want to bring it home…to what…finish the pack?? I know I might as well have tossed the cash out of the window. I regret that as well.

I realized that I would have to work at this point to get addicted again. That's not work I'm willing to do. However, I was so disappointed in myself that I deleted my quitting smoking app that has been keeping track for me all this time. Should I keep the app and start it over or should I reset the date to my original quit date (Oct 13, 2013) and just move on?

I came so far...how could I be so stupid?

[stadtlerj]

it's not stupid it is all so very human lighten up on yourself you're obviously incredibly strong, come on 9.5 months that's not done in a vucuum. You definitely got what it takes, maybe this is a good thing that happened and get your head back on right, I hope so.

No answers here its only been 83 days for me so you are my hero come on get back in the game I need you to suceed, let me know you'll keep it going, please?

[Ms.J_11-10-2013]

NOOOOOOO!  Why didn't you come here and type in help~ we may have been able to save your quit... I think you are going to be told to start all over at day 1 but lets see how it goes... I am so, so sorry for you.I am9 days away from 9 months and this scares me!!!

xoxo

Jackie

[smorgy8513]

Sorry that you did this.     It could have been me, it could have been any of us....we are addicts!

You will hear both sides of "should you, shouldn't you" as far as resetting your quit date.   

Some will say...."you didn't start again, keep same date"

Others will say "you smoked, start at day one".

Here's my take (this and $2 will get you a cup of coffee!):      You smoked, you rejuvenated the nicotine receptors........start over.

But that's my take and what I would do.......if I smoke, I need to start all over again.    That helps keep me from taking that step off the tall, sharp cliff!

And that's part of the reason that I can sign this

Sharon 358 Days of Freedom        (I've had to work really hard to not give up some of these days)

[cheyenne7]

Stop, Stop Stop beating yourself up.....move on.....You probably hate them more now than ever.....

Thanks for sharing, it shows others too that it wasn't what you thought it would be, as a matter of fact, it has made you feel worse, both physically & emotionally....

My opinion......keep the original quit date......you have so much time invested....there are lots of opinions here on this one.....it is just up to you.....main thing is you are not smoking....

I will bow out of this part of the discussion now....I have my battle wounds over this....and I will respect everyones opinions.....but you just have to do what will keep you smoke-free.....

Wishing you the best!!

[YoungAtHeart]

You do what feels best to you as far as your quit clock, but most of us here feel that you need to set it to zero.  If you don't there really are no consequences for your actions --- almost akin to giving yourself permission to do it again.  And, that time might lead you to smoke more than just one.

You are not stupid.  This is an addiction you are fighting to conquer.  You should, though, think long and hard about what caused you to buy that pack, and make a plan for how you will handle that same situation if it occurs again.

You might need to do your reading again, review your list of reasons you quit - keep your list of distractions handy.  If you are tempted again, come here BEFORE you smoke and give us time to talk you out of it.

 You know how to do this.  No DO it!  We are with you every step of the way!

Nancy

[Deena-A-Yenni]

Wow.  I'm not very opinionated and new in my forever quit.  I quit many many times before this and always started back at zero.

[annb]

Please DO NOT beat yourself up. This too is a learning experience and thank you for your honesty and help to the rest of us. As to clocks ... I have 3!!! So far. 😞 The day I decided to quit and cut down (March 5, 2014). The day I quit officially (March 23, 2014) and started here at EX. And then the day I lapsed and restarted my quit (July 19, 2014) and reset this clock! It helps me to keep my chin up to think about all the successful days. And YOU have a ton of successful days. Wish I could boast 9.5 months! Congrats on that and just keep moving forward.

[trudyd]

You did better than me if I smoked one I would have smoked the other 19!!!!!!Move on it was a mistake and who hasn't made A GALLION OF THOSE!!!

[Storm.3.1.14]

You, yourself, have said that there are 2 ways to handle your quit clock. You'll choose one of them and then (hopefully) get back to the task of living without addiction. I'll only add this: Sharon and Nancy are 2 of the most respected Elders here. They know a truth that comes from a deeper experience than what you or I have, and they have stated that truth here for you today. For all of us. Me? I'd listen. And then, I'd seriously consider what Jackie said, too. 

[swilson2]

i would not have thrown the rest out the window that is why i can never ever buy a pack, i would lie too myself and say i wont buy another but this is how its starts for me i know i can control the number of cigarettes that i smoke i wont let it control me i wont smoke enough too have that terrible cough that i lose my breath and all the stuff i cough up i wont smoke that much,liar, liar is what i would be right back where i started from smoking more than i did befor that being said i will give my quit a 100% and fight for it every day.

[maria86]

There is no need to beat yourself up any more as the comments here are are truthful.  As far as the counter is concerned thats up to to, you need to do what feels right but then again smoking felt right at that moment..........with that said what do you think you should do? Much love and Light, xoxox (((()))Maria

[stadtlerj]

you know nowadays in professional baseball when they find out one of the players were using steroids that put an asterisk next to the record he held like most hits etc.

So it is questionable that he earned or deserved that record that is all how to deliniate the fact that he cheated, so how about put an asterisk on that day on the calendar, if this is your forever quit this is such a moot point about how many days it is just not important and isn't the main question, the main question is are you going to smoke again?????? That is all that matters so keep up the quit and forget about the symbols

[moody_9-18-13]

Good going! I'm so happy you threw those smokes away!

The only thing I would say, think about what you learned, why do you think you had a full blown panic attack and why you felt it would help if you smoked.

This is YOUR quit.  It does not belong to anyone else.  YOU are only responsible to YOURSELF.  The journey of quitting teaches us many life lessons, but the first thing I learned was how to be kinder, more gentle and caring toward my ownself.  

So, you decide how you feel about your quit, as it is yours. I would worry less about a clock, it's not the main issue you need to think about.  

[Michwoman]

I agree with everyone here - it could have been  any one of us!!! You are the only one who can decide how you want to handle your quit clock.  If it were me I would not want to be haunted with "I quit for X time "except for that one puff". You made the right decision 🙂

Stay Strong!!! Keep close!

[Giulia]

My opinion - setting your clock back reminds you of the price of that one cigarette.  It's a penalty.  Not One Puff Ever means - just that.  The fact that you only smoked that one and threw away the pack is great.  But you did smoke that one.  You were not true to your quit.  That cost you.  If this were a game you'd have to go back to square one.  Also - what does this say to new members who now may think that they too can smoke that one puff without impunity?  The ramifications of that one cigarette are much larger than first glimpsed. 

I put up an Elder's List of people who have been smoke free for a minimum of a year.  If you don't re-set your clock, and you get to be put on that list with all the others who remained true to their quit... how would you feel if you were them?  Is that fair to them? 

Ultimately the point is - smoking that one cigarette gave you permission (in your own mind) to do it again.  THAT's why the NOPE Doctrine is so important to adhere to.  To my mind, without penalties, we're that much more likely to relapse again.  My opinion only here.  Take what works and leave the rest.....

[GreenThumb3]

It happend at least your not finishing the pack stay on track that's good you hated the taste I can imagine it was bad 

[maraisa]

Everyone here is right. After reading everyone's comments and opinions (which are much much appreciated by the way), I have decided to one, not beat myself up like I have been, two, dust myself off and start over. I will reset my clock and just move on.

I want to be on Giulia's 1 Year List with pride! I don't want an asterisk next to my name LOL 

And...next time I will log on here first.

Thanks Everyone...you guys are the best!  ❤️

[Giulia]

♥, ~G~