~~May you never be the reason why someone who loved to sing, doesn't anymore. Or why someone who dressed so uniquely now wears plain clothing. Or why someone who always spoke so excitedly about their dreams is now silent about them. May you never be the reason someone gave up on a part of themselves because you were demotivating, non-appreciative, hypercritical, or even worse-sarcastic about it.~~ Mostafa Ibrahim
I must have started this post about a million times (in reality? Two times). It's not my normal way of getting my thoughts across and it's not a topic that I would normally venture into. But I don't mind stepping outside my comfort zone to address something that is so important to others.
We are all responsible for our own actions. No one can 'make us' feel anything we don't want to feel. I know that. I even agree with that. But sometimes I think it needs to be taken a step further. Because what we say and do does affect the way others see themselves. Even more, the words we speak and the way we behave can truly crush someone's heart. It can change their beliefs about themselves. It can shame them. It can kill a spirit.
So why bring it up on a quit smoking site? This post is for the quitter who doesn't share their thoughts anymore because someone laughed at their comment. This post if for the quitter who tried to explain their inner demons only to have someone suggest it's all in their head. This post is for the one who shared their silly but positive ways of going smoke free during their workday only to have someone sarcastically call them 'pollyanna'.
We are in this together, you know. And people are different, of course. But anyone who is brave enough to post anything--whether it be help or a suggestion on how they quit or a question about something being normal or not--deserves our respect and support. It takes so much courage to share parts of ourselves. It takes a willingness to step outside of our comfort zone and an ability to get our thoughts down and a vulnerability that is both fragile and honest.
No, this is not a 'dig' at anyone. I don't do that. This isn't about YOU. I don't know who you are. This is a simple reminder that our words have the power to silence someone. To hurt them. To shame them. And we'll never know because they will simply cease their words here. They will fade back into their 3-D lives bruised and hesitant to share again.
I like that people pass ideas around here. I like that they trust us enough to open up. Even more, I love that they bring their personalities....little quirks, delightful spirits, wild hearts....and brighten Ex with who they are and how they are. I don't want them dimmed. I don't want them tamed. I don't want them subdued.
You may not like everyone here, but silently not like them. You may disagree but if what they are saying isn't going to hurt anyone, disagree silently. Your opinion is no more valid than theirs is.
No, this isn't about anyone disagreeing with me. I am frightfully healthy about varying opinions. But not everyone is and I used to not be. It takes personal growth to understand shame, humiliation, embarrassment, and hostility. And everyone grows at their own rate. So being kind enough to offer support, help, and knowledge will also help someone's personal growth. After all, everyone deserves to quit smoking.
Respectfully,
Sheri
It's hard enough to quit smoking without being afraid to share your story. It's even hard enough to offer support without feeling like your support is going to be degraded. Kindness matters.
