I just started giving up smoking on June 17. I have done surprisngly well. I never thought I would actually quit. So, to know that I can quit, amazes me. I love the fact I no longer have to smoke. I feel much cleaner and healtheir and I love the fact that my car smells new again!
I havent weighed myself in about 2-3 months. I went to the Doctor yesterday, and after I saw my weight, I feel like complete shit. I feel like I let myself down. How could I let myself gain even more weight? All through out high school, I was a healthy size 8. I am now lucky if I fit into my size 14 jeans. I hate going through my closet and looking at all my cute outfits I have, but can no longer wear becaus they do not fit. Everyday when I look in the mirror, I feel so shity about myself. I use to work at Sonic as a manager, so I got free food. I worked 6 days every week, so I basiclly survived on Sonic. I gained so much weight as a result of my poor eating habit.
When I saw my weight yesterday, it was like a reality check. I can no longer let myself keep gaining weight. I want to lose weight so bad, it is unreal. I hate ruining into people I know, because I feel like they all look at me and say "damn she got so fat". I hate going out on dates with guys, because I feel that they all think I am too fat for anyone to date. The hardest part is looking at old pictures of myself on Facebook. I just dont know how I gained all this weight. I hate thinking about how in shape I use to be.
Anyways, yesterday I decided I need to do something about this. It is just so hard now that I have quit smoking. I do eat more now, to kind of keep myself busy so I wont smoke. I really dont know what to do. I feel like the only option I have is to smoke and lose weight, or dont smoke and just keep getting fatter.
I talked to my dad about this last night. His advice was that I need to focus on losing weight and just pick up smoking again. And then once I get my weight stable, to quit smoking again. I do not know where I stand on this. I am going to have to pick either losing weight or stoping smoking. It is such a hard choice. I want to do both, but I know, I cant do both at the same time. I simply do not have enough will power to avoid smoking and eating bad things at the same time. I feel so accomplished saying that I havent had a cigarette in nine days. I am going to feel like shit if I start smoking again. But, I am going to feel like shit if I dont lose weight soon. I hate seeing myself so fat and I hate knowing I cant wear any of my old clothes!
I just dont know what to do! I want both so bad, but I cant have both. If you had to pick, which one would you pick to do first? I really just need some advice, or opinions on this. I cant do both, so I have to pick one. This is so hard!!!!!
