Learning

[Finchie1]

Was watching a movie, suicide squad, just sayin, started having a craving, looked at the time and waited 15 min.  I have been thinking about pushing my quit date back and i'm not sure if it is an excuse or because I feel like I don't have this relearning thing down to a point where I am confident enough to put it into action.  I read about excuses and stuff for pushing it back or putting it off.  But I was thinking, I don't want to fail this time.  I don't do well with withdrawls and I just wish I knew the right way for me to do this.  My husband and I are tense with each other.  I have been very difficult to deal with< and I have recognized and apologized for it;  but at the same time, I wish he would be a little stronger for me right now. He and I have been through some craziness, which, 5 years later, still dealing and trying to recover from.  I am very quick to take stuff out on him; right or wrong.  Anyway, getting off track here, really wanted to see what u guys have to say about pushing the quit date back and if my reasons or excuses are valid.  Any advice would be helpful!!

Thanks!!

Jodie

[crazymama_Lori]

does your husband smoke?  How many times have you quit in the past?

[Silverstar]

Speaking for myself only, there may never be a perfect time.  There will always be tension, periods of low confidence, our own personality and relationship/interpersonal styles, etc.  In other words, life happens, and when we Quit (ready or not doesn't really matter) we have to make the commitment to not smoke, no matter what.  The "no matter what" is irritability, lack of support, tension, triggers and craves, etc., and the answer has to be "I don't do that anymore" and "not one puff ever" NOPE because "smoking is not an option" SINAO.

I waffled on my Quit date, and ended up moving it closer because I couldn't stand the waiting!  I just wanted to get through the tough stuff, and get to the good stuff, which for me was being a non-smoker.  I was very irritable, for a long time, my husband seems to have taken it in stride (he's still a smoker, by the way).  There is a letter you can give to loved ones, if you want, to help explain what goes on during nicotine withdrawal.  Or, do as I did and Quit when everyone is out of town, and send my apologies by text!  (mostly, but not entirely kidding)

Bottom line, only you know if you can commit to this, 100 %, and that's what it takes, but I will tell you that even if you don't think so right now, YOU CAN DO THIS!  We all had fears and doubts, and we all Quit Smoking!  Being Free from cigarettes is worth all the effort you can put into it. 

P.S.  I'll try to find the letter

[Silverstar]

I found the letter!  Sorry the type is so small, I copied and pasted out of a blog that was given to me by skygirl.  You can change things, customize to your situation/taste.  Just an option.  Hmmmm, how do I attach this thing?  I'll just copy it.

LETTER TO  MY LOVED ONES

Dear______,

I am about to try and change my life for the better. I am going to quit smoking. I just wanted to write this letter to you so you know what to expect for the next couple of weeks, since the process of withdrawal can be very challenging for me, and for those around me. (Most people do not realize it, but nicotine addiction is literally one of the hardest drugs to kick, even harder than heroin).

Everyone reacts to the withdrawal symptoms differently, but in general, during the first two weeks (Hell Week and Heck Week), don't expect much from me. I will most likely not be my normal self. All of my attention will literally be taken up with fighting the physical and mental urges to smoke. I may cry, I may yell, I may ignore you. Worst of all, I may say very hurtful things to you, but I want you to know that this is the nicotine talking, not my heart. I WILL apologize afterwards, once the poison has left my body and my mind has cleared, but for the moment, please, PLEASE remember that I love you, and let it roll off your back.

You need to know that when a smoker quits, the body and the mind will try almost anything to trick the user into taking another puff. I may rationalize that "now is not a good time". I may question the worth of my existence. I may talk about feeling a sense of emptiness and loss. My body may develop aches and pains. I may not be able to sleep. I may act like the pain I am experiencing is all your fault.

But be aware that I am doing this for ME, not for you. In this one important way, I have to be selfish, so that I cannot give the nicotine a reason to put the blame on anyone else. So you must not feel responsible for my discomfort and depression. Even if you feel you can't stand to see me this way, whatever you do, do NOT tell me it's OK to smoke, just to stop the pain. You have to be strong when I am weak, so do not agree with any "junkie thinking" I may come up with.

Here are 10 things you CAN do to help:

Be there when I need a hug, but don't be hurt when I push you away.

If I tell you to leave me alone, give me space, but don't go too far...I need to know you are near no matter what the nicotine says.

Don't try to argue with me when I start to rationalize...silence is a more powerful message.

Avoid the topic of cigarettes (because I'm trying to get them off my mind), unless I bring it up first.

Do the best you can to act as if everything is normal. The more "normal" you act, the faster I will get there.

Consciously avoid putting me into situations where I will be in the presence of smokers. This may mean avoiding favorite restaurants or bars, or hanging out with certain friends for awhile.

Consciously avoid letting me get into stressful situations...if something stressful can be put off for a couple of weeks, please try to do so. If not, please try to cushion me.

Help me avoid "trigger" situations...places or activities where I usually light up. (For example, don't plan long road trips for the next couple of weeks if I usually smoke in the car).

Just keep telling me it will get better, that the emptiness and pain will fade, that you love me, and that this effort is worth it.

Tell me I am strong. Tell me you are proud of me. But also, tell me you will be there no matter what I say or do.

I just wanted to prepare you because the first two weeks are usually the worst, but be aware that it doesn't suddenly get better...it will be a gradual process. Also, please be aware that while I am doing this quit for me, you and those around me will benefit as well. I will be free from the shackles of needing to know where the closest cigarette store is. I will be free of the smell and stains. I will be free of an early death. And I will be free to spend more quality time with those I love.

Thank you in advance for being strong enough to love me, and help me through this.

Love, _______

[TerrieQuit]

Very Nice on both, Jacqueline!

[Finchie1]

No my husband doesn't smoke.  He can't stand it actually.  So I got that goin for me! LOL

[Finchie1]

You're absolutely right on with that.  I appreciate you taking the time to find that letter.  I'm going to do that, it's a great idea! All the ideas I am getting on this site and by talking with everyone, it's been great!  Thanks Silverstar!

Finchie1

[Giulia]

Anything that causes you to question your commitment to your quit or the choice to quit is simply an excuse that your addictive brain came up with.  MOO (my opinion only)  @/blogs/Giulia-blog/2013/08/12/understanding-excuses 

[Silverstar]