I woke up this morning and my first thought was of smoking. Relax guys no worries here. For those of you that have followed my blog from the beginning or close to it, hopefully by now you know that there is always something lurking below the surface when my blog starts out like this. If this is your first time reading one of my blogs, get ready to pull up your big boy panties and swim out to deep water. 🙂
As I am laying in bed with my eyes open staring at the ceiling, the thought enters my mind. Slowly at first just a small thought. Then it froms into a full fledged conversation in my head about smoking. Did I really used to get out of bed and go smoke or did I dream the whole thing up and I am just now waking out of this dream? With this thought circling in my head I get up and start getting ready for work.
Still half asleep (and with no contacts or glasses) I begin looking around and think... There arent any ashtrays anywhere, no lighters, old cigarette packs or anything laying around. My clothes smell like an ocean breeze. Sorry about that...the window was open and I actually smelled an ocean breeze it wasn't my clothes after all. Then the conversation ends as I am now fully awake and realize that for the past year and some change I have been protecting a quit that has been attacked over and over again. Yes I am an ex smoker. Yes the first thing I used to do was get out of bed and light one up. Yes there are times that I want a good cigar more than anything in the world because i've been good for over a year surely a cigar will be ok, after all you don't actually inhale cigars.
The fact is after 430+ days, I still don't entirely trust myself. I had to cash a money order the other day because my bank was closed for some odd reason and the only place I could find was a tobacco shop. With a deep breath, a money order for enough cigarettes to last a year or more, and my wife's hand gripped tightly I went in. We cashed the money order and went to pay some bills and get some groceries. I walked out with a smile knowing that I never once thought about buying cigarettes while I was inside, but it was wonderful knowing my wife had my back without question.
For those of you whose footsteps I am following, Thank you for not giving up. For those of you that are watching my steps I will do my best to not lead you down the wrong path. We can all learn to breathe again.....
Cody
