My mother has been a driving force for me and my determination over the course of my adult life. Quitting smoking has been hard and today, I got angry. I broke down but right before I hit a wall of rage, I called her. We talked. It was beautiful. It's become tradition that I ask her to call me when she gets home, as my mom is getting older and over the course of any addiction I've ever had, I've sincerely always been like "My mom's good, she's got kids."
Today, I got lucky. Right as I was hitting a tremendously low point where I was like "I'd rather die than quit." She called me. Immediately, all my attitude came out. There was shame, there was blame, there was complete hostility.
And in return, there was patience, there was understanding and there were conversations about grief. Her mom was a smoker. Luckily, it skipped a generation and while we share a myriad of issues, recovering from a nicotine addiction is not one we share. Listening to her, I become more aware that she's helping me so much by giving me an understanding of who I was before I sank into this addiction.
Today, I maintain my quit date. Today Begins My Cigar Quit Date. and even moreso, I began to take an in-depth look at my triggers, both past and present that have brought me into this part of my journey. I finally made a list of goals, said my prayers and tomorrow I take a renewed sense of clarity as I pledge to take on another day.
Armed with my handy list of resources, and some reading material that helps me remember each day why I began, and the impact it'll have on who I am in the future, I do hope that anyone who reads this and also is pushing to stay quit,
1.) Progress is not linear, something I've learned in the past. You're gonna have days where you quite literally wanna punch a hole through the wall. (I shook with rage as I took a phone call today, and managed to end it with a laugh and a smile).
2.) Maybe your quit goals don't exactly start with you. Everyone's gonna encourage you to be selfish but in reality, that (at least for me) means understanding where in your life it's important to place and fully understand your boundaries so that you're not consistently triggered into feeling like you're at the point of no return.
3.) This also kinda goes hand in hand with 2, if you're struggling to place some sort of importance on your quit, try quitting on a day that has some sort of sentiment to you. 17 years ago, I said goodbye to an addiction to to commemorate the day my sister was born and it stuck. I'll be 18 with that next year.
I find myself with a little more excitement to pledge tomorrow and I feel a little more anticipation with the plan I put into place.
If you're blessed to have a support system that includes your family, I'm so happy for you. The first time I ever quit anything, I did it on my own and nearly died every single time. So it's nice to be able to call my mom and say "Mom, today I'm not doing well." and know that it's not disappointment in her voice, it's empathy.
Sometimes we need some of that.
