And, it has been hell. About ten months ago, I learned that I have a heart defect. The following day after I had an EEG of my brain, we discovered I am an epileptic. I had been having seizures for awhile, but none of my doctors picked up on it. Two days later, after an MRI of my back, and not being able to walk without horrible pain for weeks, my lumbar surgery was booked. It was a difficult surgery with rods on either side of my spine and fusions on some of my discs.
Seven months after my back surgery and two more long episodes of pain, I was once again taken to the operating room. This was the most gut-wrenching episode of my life. They removed the rods only to put in longer ones and fused the entire right side of my back. The pain from the surgery for the past five weeks cannot even be labelled with an adjective. My surgeons have told be that my recovery will be close to two years.
I do not do anything because I am only allowed to get in the car with my husband to go to my surgeon's office for my post-op visits. Depression is now my middle name. I had quit smoking in preparation for the surgery for awhile. My addiction took me back, or I should say that I allowed it to take me back. The fight has been going on for weeks. Yes, I understand that smoking can slow down my recovery from my surgery. How I pray every single day that I can just put down the butts. No matter what, I will keep praying to find the strength and determination within.
I am so happy for those of you that have celebrated milestones, and also those who have made the decision to quit and join BecomeAnEX.org. Best wishes and much love to all. Deb
