Is Everyone's First Day So Daunting?

[purpleducky]

I'm quitting... again. This time I intend to quit for good. I have a one-year-old little girl, and a two-year-old son. I had a gigantic wake up call when my son picked up a craft stick and said he was smoking like me... OUCH! Talk about feeling like a failed mommy! And my daughter may be too young to show me she notices, but she's breathing it in.

My husband has wanted me to quit, but neither of us really know what role he's supposed to play in all of this. I feel like a wimp going to my combat vet husband because I want a cigarette. He's a tough guy, and while I know he'd probably hug me and tell me it was all ok, it just feels so awkward to be weak when I should be a strong support in this family. I've asked him to be hard on me, but at the first comment I went off blubbering like a big baby and we both felt like hot garbage. Definitely wasn't the way to go for us!

So I guess I'm taking this a day at a time. It's intimidating trying again when I've had so much failure in my past when it comes to quitting. All I can do is keep trying, keep going, and keep making progress. I want to be around for my kids as they get older.

Good luck, self!

[morganlove247]

I havent smoked in 9 days. The first day I quit was like hell for me. Today, I feel alot better. I still have cravings, but you learn how to deal with them. Just believe in yourself! Keep busy, to distract yourself from wanting a cigarette. Think about how much longer on earth you will have to be here for your children and watch them growing up. I am on a patch, and it has helped me so much! I am using the walgreens brand, and I love it. It is also like less than half of a pack of cigs. Are you using anything to help you stop for good?

[Mike.n.Atlanta]

Welcome to Ex. See if the letter below may help in any way.

Keep on keepin on,

M n @

Dear______,

I am about to try and change my life for the better. I am going to quit smoking. I just wanted to write this letter to you so you know what to expect for the next couple of weeks, since the process of withdrawal can be very challenging for me, and for those around me. (Most people do not realize it, but nicotine addiction is literally one of the hardest drugs to kick, even harder than heroin).

Everyone reacts to the withdrawal symptoms differently, but in general, during the first two weeks (Hell Week and Heck Week), don't expect much from me. I will most likely not be my normal self. All of my attention will literally be taken up with fighting the physical and mental urges to smoke. I may cry, I may yell, I may ignore you. Worst of all, I may say very hurtful things to you, but I want you to know that this is the nicotine talking, not my heart. I WILL apologize afterwards, once the poison has left my body and my mind has cleared, but for the moment, please, PLEASE remember that I love you, and let it roll off your back.

You need to know that when a smoker quits, the body and the mind will try almost anything to trick the user into taking another puff. I may rationalize that "now is not a good time". I may question the worth of my existence. I may talk about feeling a sense of emptiness and loss. My body may develop aches and pains. I may not be able to sleep. I may act like the pain I am experiencing is all your fault.

But be aware that I am doing this for ME, not for you. In this one important way, I have to be selfish, so that I cannot give the nicotine a reason to put the blame on anyone else. So you must not feel responsible for my discomfort and depression. Even if you feel you can't stand to see me this way, whatever you do, do NOT tell me it's OK to smoke, just to stop the pain. You have to be strong when I am weak, so do not agree with any "junkie thinking" I may come up with.

Here are 10 things you CAN do to help:

  
• Be there when I need a hug, but don't be hurt when I push you away.
  
• If I tell you to leave me alone, give me space, but don't go too far...I need to know you are near no matter what the nicotine says.
  
• Don't try to argue with me when I start to rationalize...silence is a more powerful message.
  
• Avoid the topic of cigarettes (because I'm trying to get them off my mind), unless I bring it up first.
  
• Do the best you can to act as if everything is normal. The more "normal" you act, the faster I will get there.
  
• Consciously avoid putting me into situations where I will be in the presence of smokers. This may mean avoiding favorite restaurants or bars, or hanging out with certain friends for awhile.
  
• Consciously avoid letting me get into stressful situations...if something stressful can be put off for a couple of weeks, please try to do so. If not, please try to cushion me.
  
• Help me avoid "trigger" situations...places or activities where I usually light up. (For example, don't plan long road trips for the next couple of weeks if I usually smoke in the car).
  
• Just keep telling me it will get better, that the emptiness and pain will fade, that you love me, and that this effort is worth it.
  
• Tell me I am strong. Tell me you are proud of me. But also, tell me you will be there no matter what I say or do.

I just wanted to prepare you because the first two weeks are usually the worst, but be aware that it doesn't suddenly get better...it will be a gradual process. Also, please be aware that while I am doing this quit for me, you and those around me will benefit as well. I will be free from the shackles of needing to know where the closest cigarette store is. I will be free of the smell and stains. I will be free of an early death. And I will be free to spend more quality time with those I love.

Thank you in advance for being strong enough to love me, and help me through this.

Love, _______

[purpleducky]

morganlove247, I have the nicotine patches from CVS. I used them successfully before, so hopefully they curb the mood swings just a little!

And wow, Mike n @lanta! That REALLY helps! I'm about to go personalize it a little and print it out for my hubby!

My hardest point of the day is nap time. My aunt has the littlest one for the afternoon, and my son is out like a light, so it's my cue to take a drag on the back patio and take a motherhood vacation. I've got to figure out a new motherhood vacation. Knitting? Because it can be cleaned up quickly when the littles wake up. More blogging for now may be a good option because I can vent the cravings and avoid my "smoking spot" all together. Maybe go toss a ball for the dog. He'd LOVE a little more one-on-one time!

I really appreciate the feedback. I wasn't sure what to expect when I joined today, but I'm so glad I did! Most of my friends don't know I smoke at all, it's my dirty little secret. I may have to come clean to get a little extra support, but I know with the people here so positive and the quality of friends I have I can do this 🙂

[SkyGirl]

Hi, Purple Ducky!  Welcome to EX!  This is an amazing site.  I was getting ready to post that "Letter to My Loved Ones", too, but Mike beat me to the punch.  Go, Mike!

As a brand new person here on EX, you will get a lot of advice.  Please take it to heart.  The folks giving the advice are people who have already achieved what you came here to achieve.  So they know how to quit and how to STAY quit.  Do all the reading that is recommended.  I know it's hard to find time to read at all when you have small children.  But this reading is vital to a successful Quit, most of us believe.  There is a book called "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking" by Allen Carr.  Someone will shortly post the link for you.  This is a short, easy read.  It is where most people start because that book will help you change the way you are thinking about quitting.  By the time you finish reading it, you will stop thinking of quitting as "giving up something", as "losing something", as "sacrificing", as "doing without.  You will flip your thinking 180 degrees and start seeing quitting as gaining freedom from something that has been controlling your life.  You will see that, by quitting, you are breaking the chains of nicotine addiction.

There is one other article I will suggest that you read right away, also.  Go to whyquit.com and look for an article in the upper left part of the home page.  It's called, "Nicotine Addiction 101" and there is a little twirling yellow cube next to it.  This article will help you see how using nicotine has actually physically altered your brain.  Nicotine has hijacked your dopamine pathways and MADE you think you enjoy, and even NEED, smoking.  When you thoroughly understand what nicotine does to your brain, it makes it much, much easier to step outside the emotional aspects of cravings.  That's really important.

I don't want to overload you on your first blog, so I'll stop here.  But set your Quit in the near future.  Most people say two weeks is enough time to do the exercises here on EX  (tracking and separation) and to do the reading.    Stay close to EX and blog often.  Make friends here and talk about how you feel as you get ready for your Quit Date.

Congratulations!  You are making the best decision that you will ever make for your own health.  I am so glad you found us, Purple!

[YoungAtHeart]

Welcome to our community!

Here is the link to the Allen Carr book SkyGirl just mentioned:

http://media.wix.com/ugd/74fa87_2010cc5496521431188f905b7234a829.pdf

This CAN be your forever quit, and we will be with you every step of the way to help you make it so!

Nancy

Quit 7/4/12

[purpleducky]

Thank you! Allen Carr's book is on Kindle, which means I can start reading it NOW! Thank you very much for the reading. Looks like nap time will be busy for the next few days after all! 🙂

[ret]

Welcome to the community.  There are so many positive people on here that will help you through this.  Allen Carr's book is very enlighting.  Congradulations on your decision to quit.

RET

Quit May 12, 2013

[Nyima_1.6.13]

Looks like you got lots of great advice and reading material to get you started! Welcome to the site and let us know how the letter is received! Look forward to supporting you on this journey!

[Michwoman]

Purple - you're gonna love that book! Please do go to whyquit.com too. Not only is it so cool but it will give your hands something to do and keep your mind busy - even enthralled.

Hubby: Please just put up with the mood swings. Every time you want to blast out - remember she is healing from a horrible addiction and isn't quite "herself" for a little while. Take the kids for ice cream and let her breathe (If that's what she wants LOL)

My guy let me verbally beat him up and I can't tell you how grateful I am to him. Well... I have been letting him verbally beat me up now because he quit a couple months after me so I know both sides of this coin.

You CAN do this Purple!!!