I slipped up and need support

[Mynewlife21]

I’m not sure if I’m in the right place, but I slipped up after an argument with my husband, he smokes and they were readily accessible to me.  I know I shouldn’t have done that, but I did. And I want to quit smoking, I was doing okay until a fit of rage caught me off guard. 

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Anger was truly a trigger for me. I lost a short quit behind my anger.  If you have read about HALT.  Hunger, Anger Lonely and Tired you will understand that these signals can be misconstrued with wanting a cigarette.  It takes practice breathing, stepping away from the situation and vowing that no matter what is happening in your life you will not use it for an EXcuse to light up.  What I suggest is that you use the search engine and find blogs and comments on "living with a mate/spouse that smokes or how to deal with anger". Breathing worked for me.  Practice this Breathing Exercise  NOPE NMW not one puff ever no matter what. 

[mikerone]

I know the feeling. My membership started in 2015 but my anniversary date is 2019 - 2 years now for me:) took me 4 years of trying different things. I also quit for almost 3 years in my 30s but started it up again. (52 now) It is hard to stay on target. My wife also smokes too and I showed her my anniversary date today and asked again for her to commit to stopping. Don't come down on yourself, you have done it once you can do it again and make it stick as I have for sure 🙂 You got this, it's a hard stressful voyage but weathering this storm is with in you. 

[sweetplt]

Welcome @Mynewlife21 

I would suggest your do some preparation by reading at 

https://www.becomeanex.org/my-ex-plan/ Try and plan for triggers and what you will do in place of smoking.  Read the blogs/journals to get help from others on what they did when the same thing came up while quitting smoking.  Be sure to ask your husband to smoke outside (not around you) and to hide all smoking paraphernalia...remember it is your quit, not his.  You can lead by example.  Keep close to the support site.  We are here to help you...

~ Colleen 893 DOF 

[YoungAtHeart]

Welcome!

Einstein is credited with saying:  "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."  I hope you will plan now before you quit how you will deal with anger THIS time.  You can take a break and do some deep breathing, or punch a pillow, or come here and vent, or take a walk, or call a friend.  I hope you will also spend some time getting ready for this quit so you might be better prepared to commit to never smoking another cigarette NO MATTER WHAT.  Your hubby will not quit until he is ready -  providing an example to him of how it's done might just be the incentive he needs, though.

The important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.”    You can search for it online or at your local library.  Here is a video to inform you further about nicotine addiction:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpWMgPHn0Lo&feature=youtu.be

Let me know if you decide to use a quit aid and I will give you my thoughts on them.

It will be informative if you do the tracking and separation exercises recommended here on the site. As you track each cigarette smoked, note its importance, and what you might do instead. Put each one off just a little to prove that you don't NEED a cigarette just because you think you do.

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit.  If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! .  Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.
 
You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Keep a cold bottle of water with you. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. You might visit “Games”: The active ones are at the top of the list going down the left side of the page. We have a weekly Trivia Contest you might like to try, too, that is listed there.

Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...

The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!

 Nancy

[Bubbles318]

I can’t imagine quitting while having another smoker around. I would feel jealous of and sad for the other smoker. 
If you are committed then make a plan, like this site has you do, get all the obstacles & triggers you already know planned for, get you head around the fact that you don’t smoke, ever, any time under any circumstance. Then grit your teeth, stand tall, hang out with us here, eat some candy, do some jogging in place, yell at the top of your lungs if you need to and become one of the true quitters 😀

[Mynewlife21]

Hi Nancy,

I so appreciate your words, your time and your encouragement.  I smoked from the age of 15-25 and then quit for 10 years while I had my children, but got divorced and have been smoking mostly the last 20 years with intermittent quits that lasted a couple months at best. I need to quit and I want to quit.  I have done Allen Cars program and recently did QuitSure.  I am aware of when I am craving and getting the urge, I know I can do better.  It’s surely not a physical thing for me, although I do recognize my addiction.  It’s nice to feel supported snd I hope this group can allow me to lean in, now is the time to to be done with this addiction, I am highly motivated to be successful and I thank you for all the tips and suggestions

[JimTaddeo]

I quit cold turkey out of pure spite, my insurance wouldn't cover and my wife (she still smokes to this day) wouldn't fork up the change for my prescription for Chantix..... But I REALLY WANTED to quit. Except I'm a good and crafty junkie. I fought some serious battles with the demon but it was in fact one of those breathing sessions, which I still do by the way but more complex versions and for different reasons, in which that message came forth to me loud and clear. Dude, you HAVE TO commit to and execute N.O.P.E and especially the NMW.      No Matter What

We almost separated over the upheaval, but slowly and surely things calmed down. It took SIGNIFICANT deliberate self intervention and mitigations, many right here at EX, to gain enough quit time to start backing off. I was here ALL the time, blogged huge in fact, participated in the Daily Pledge and general discussions, Bonfires (for burning un-smoked cigarettes) and many other threads. It's a very good distraction and with a bunch of quitters.... 😃

You need to commit and execute and don't look back for the first year. On your first year anniversary we'll do the recap...... one day at a time go make a pledge with us.....and DO IT.....just for the day. Come back each day..... One Day at a Time is how we get this done...

The links posted above are really good information....education about the chemistry and addiction, and quitting.....all of it has the potential to be of help and is valuable.....take what you need to keep the quit.....you can do this and we are all here to help.....

[Sootie]

I quit way back in 1982 for 13 years (how I wish I had kept that quit!!!). During that time my husband continued to smoke. I love him dearly but GOODNESS! Smokers stink although they themselves do not know it.

In 2009, my husband quit smoking in October. When he told me....I was CRAZED! Because I remembered how bad he smelled and now I would smell like that to him! Well, I couldn't stand for that so I started to toy.....once again.....with the idea of quitting. And in November 2009 I did. That is this quit...my forever quit.

It is hard to live with a smoker. The anger we feel when we quit is hard. The frustrating pull of the addiction is hard. It is HARD to quit. But, it is not impossible to quit. It is doable. So stay close to the site, reach out as needed and remember.....this is EX......we are all here for each other. Stay Strong.

[Maki]

My ex was a non smoker. I was never angry with him but definitely angry with myself for the bad choices I made . 

I realized I needed to quit for me this last quit and not for any one else .

My most effective tool was stubbornness . Not one puff no matter what .  No one was to blame for my addiction . Not my ex , not my kids and not the circumstances I found myself in. I chose smoking for 28 years . They were non smokers .

I chose to smoke to put it in my mouth and light it up so I could choose not to as well . Stop long enough to think of the goal we are wanting to achieve and instead of smoke do something different . 

 Our job is to quit ;  to make it happen and depend upon ourselves to do it . Of course we have the best support ever like  quit sites like this one . Ex smokers who understand , so come often everyone is here to help .  

I really have much admiration for those quitting with smoking partners .  I can't relate in that way , but let it make you stronger . Quit for you . 

Hope you don't mind me sharing a bit of my journey here . I hope something in it will help you . You can do this @Mynewlife21 . I'm glad you are here . 

[CrazyQuitter]

Hey @Mynewlife21 I know what it's like to relapse over and over. We have all been there. Find a coping skill that works for you or even multiple coping skills. There is some great advice here!

I tried a lot of things too. I did nicotine gum, patches and those lozengers and they really help take the edge off. Why not try one of those. Then Blog here and then find something else to do to occupy your mind.

I have been going through a rough patch myself and I recently got back into quilling. Maybe you could take up coloring in for adults while watching a movie? That is always a good stress reliever! 

Got a craving? Try something new. It beats lighting up anytime! 

[SALTEAMOMMA]

I’m on day zero again and that’s OK I’ve been a smoker since 1997

quit a few times

4 years was my longest

you have to give yourself Grace-that’s kind of my mantra

I am crazy some days and others I am well

i’ve been reading a lot of posts because I’m new here and I feel comfortable with sharing so remember your journey helps others as does mine

and we are all human

🙌✨🦋

[SALTEAMOMMA]

OK so the same thing happened at my house two days ago and me and my fiancé are both trying to quit smoking but I’m trying to quit in a completely different method than him and we’re both just a little bit on edge.. Just give yourself Grace that’s all I can say