Nowadays I remember not smoking, that time in my life before I ever started. But that was'nt the way it was when I set out to quit a little over ten years ago. Back then it was unimaginable-- the idea of setting smoking down, never to return. Seemed even a foolish endeavor--who did I think I was to change what I hadn't changed for decades, why now? Why would I succeed at this particular point if I'd pooh poohed the idea so many times before? I'd forgotten who I was without smoking. I was addicted of course and that is what addiction did to me--convince me that I couldn't leave.
But I grew up not smoking--I knew how to live without taking nicotine in any form, how to have fun, heartbreak, disappointment, joy, how to be interested in the day, how to get along with life. Back then, smoking made no sense to me. And that reality was perfectly healthy and normal. Today, my memory is restored from the state of mind I was in when I quit (off my rocker) --today my senses are not tied to smoking, any part of my life is livable without smoking--and it all works out pretty good one day at a time.
It took a few weeks back then of planning to come up with a plausible path forward , one that I thought I would obey and I use the word obey in the best sense of the word--something I would stick to so that I could finally let go of smoking at the age of 54---so late in life I thought. It took sometime for me to fully remember not smoking, but I was able to accept one step, one day at a time as a way to get through the really bad days.
Even now I chase smobriety all the same, because I believe that I could in the blink of an eye throw it away--not because I'm an addict magnetically tied to a drug, but because I'm human and flawed in some ways that I can't fully know. So with the strengths that I do have, the gift of smobriety that keeps on giving, and the wisdom of quitters here at Ex, I prefer to keep my smobriety a one day at a time commitment.
If you are new here and cannot imagine living without your cigarettes, vape, chew etc. (nicotine addiction), many of us here can confirm that we felt exactly as you did. None of us remembered what not smoking felt like. The addiction brought us to this, but quitting and recovery are possible The path forward is not often like a feel good movie. We have to sort ourselves out on a daily basis. Ex on the whole can help with that whether you prefer to read and learn or want to join in on the conversations.
How sweet it is today to remember not smoking, to know that I don't ever have to again.
