I'm writing this because I think it is the right thing to do....

[cheyenne7]

Yesterday morning I jumped on the Freedom train with 77 days....within a few hours I had opened the pack that I had in my house....

I am back to smoking....the reasons don't matter, because I know all reasons are excuses...

I shouldn't have bought them....and then I made my second mistake by keeping them....

Guess I thought I was stronger in my quit than that....but I have to wonder why I kept them....

So, I do not want to be a smoker, but that is what I've become again....that quickly, all the good is gone...

I did the same thing in Feb....it seemed easy to just grab my quit back then....this time around I am having the opposite experience....

I am sorry about this, and I hope to be able to rejoin this smoke-free world again soon....

I have divulged this to some people, and many more of you that I wanted to PM, but I have decided to just put out a blog....I was going to blog yesterday, but I was afraid that my fall could hurt any newbies....so I started the PM thing....didn't get too far....

I write this with a very heavy heart....

[smorgy8513]

Sweetie.....it makes my heart sad for you!   I know you want to be quit....but, I also know you are an addict, just like I am....just like everyone on this site is.    

I wish you had not kept the pack....that scared me for you.    But you did.   And you smoked.   And now you need to quit!      Whatever you have left in the pack....please take them out.....crunch them into a big ugly ball of "they will kill me if I smoke them" and soak them in the kitchen sink.   Then turn on the garbage disposal or else put them in a plastic bag and walk them out to the trash.    Say "you lose sucker.....I win".

And START YOUR QUIT CLOCK OVER FROM DAY ONE!   I think it is too confusing to say "I smoked, then I didn't smoke, but if I hadn't smoked I would be at...."    It sets you up.

I'm proud of you for coming here.....hard to do I would guess.

I'm here for you if I can do anything.....

JUST STOP SMOKING NOW!!!!!

Love ya hon!

Sharon

[phyllis-12-7-15]

My heart is heavy for you. Jump right back on because the longer you wait the stronger your addiction will hold you in it's chains. Blog it out to figure out what made you choose to smoke, then decide what to do differently. We are here for you.

HUGS

[JonesCarpeDiem]

you know how i feel after the many pms.

your quit has to be more than what others think.

[Storm.3.1.14]

Cheyenne, I was honored to receive one of your honest messages, and was honored to respond back to you, truthfully. I shared my thoughts about this with you, and I hope you keep my message so you can possibly factor some of my input into any new and wiser decisions you make. And I think all of us would totally support any revised and retooled strategies you come up with. We want you to try again, and we'd like to have you do it here...just not with the same quit kit you used before. The one that let you down. No, we want you to come back stronger and smarter. And we can help with that, when you're ready. Sooner, rather than later.

Thinking of you tonight, my friend!

STORM: 66

[Bonnie11.3.2009]

Keep working it, don't give up on your future!  NOW is the time, not years from now when you MIGHT make your way back here!

whyquit.com

quitsmokingonline.com

[Strudel]

All the good is not gone - if, and only IF - you get right back to this. If you wait - it will only get more and more difficult! Easy? No, it is not easy - but, worth it - yes! You say you do not want to be a smoker.  Well, then let's do something about that! Otherwise - I want you to write a blog explaining why you should continue to smoke. What the heck would you put in that??? 

Cheyenne - You did this for 77 days - you know how to do it!

N.O.P.E.

[annb]

Dear Cheyenne. Feel so bad for you! Don't beat yourself up. We've all done it! Has anyone ever quit on the first try? Well maybe my Saint of a Mother -but she was the only one I ever knew! I am so proud of you for your courage and honesty sharing this with us!!! That is so important. Now you can take what you've learned from this fall off that slippery camels back and get back on with extra glue. I'm really not all that surprised anyone "lost it" yesterday. There was something wicked afoot for sure! You've just gotten a little scratch in the battle fighting the good fight. I was going to say nicked - bad pun. Anyway you haven't been mortally wounded and so dust off and start again fresh. Practice makes perfect, my friend!!!

[GreenThumb3]

Get back on it soon should be better than waiting ,even if it was to take a year to have lots of good healthy years left would be worth it I think you were close to when I started feeling a lot better you just got to do it for you your child husband but mostly for you .i know that those things don't taste good well maybe better than hubby's chewing tobaco lol they don't  give you energy or anything good get off of them you can do this don't be to hard on yourself just come back stronger and don't ever buy a pack again. 

[karen230]

You WILL work through this. Soon I  hope. I heard so much good stuff from you so I know you have it inside to accomplish this goal. I feel for you because I know how awful it feels when you disappoint yourself. Know you are human and real and honest. Honor that as you get past this bump in the road.

Karen

[sawbuckjohn]

Chey, Settle whatever has you messed up and come back soon. We're still friends and I believe in you. You'll figure it out. All I really know is that if I'd quit a few years ago, I wouldn't suffer like I do now. If craves were my only worry, I'd consider myself blessed. Instead, I have a life threatening disease. Damn, I'm so dumb!.  Don't be dumb like me.

[cheyenne7]

Yes, my count will start from day one (I don't have a clock, probably should get one for inspiration)....I agree that it will start at day 1...

I am definitely keeping your response Storm, it is filled with wisdom...I will read it many times in the upcoming days....thank you!

Yes, to all of you saying sooner the better, I agree....but that's not enough is it, I need to actually do it....

Dale....you ground me....make me look at things head on....

I will be back real soon....just so pissed as you could imagine...

[jojo29]

CHyenne .. 77 days was long but not the end of the world .  I admire the honesty  but now you have to figure out  (one)  why did you keep them in the house car ex ...  keepin them around is setting yourself up for a stormy day .. 2   what happen when you gave up & caved in , most ppl dont relize to come here  or go for a walk and rethink it . they just do it ..  ( wrong)   learn the triggers you have . that smoke didnt change a thing but ruin a good quit .. & I can see it made you feel much worse ...  but dont stop here , go back to day 1 .. read & educate urself alittle more . rethink everything & if you have to anaylize what you really did to break the quit . bonnie gave you a great site & if ur on facebook , my page is  quit smoking to breathe easy . maybe you need more help then you think.... never stop trying . you never know what quit is the last quit for good & just to let u no , when we started smoking , we handed ourself a life sentence.  we always have to be ware of our actions & be held accountable for them . but still keep trying ! eventually that one day will be all urs 🙂   hang in there & try it again .... Joanne

[ubananc-y]

Dear Cheyenne,

You did not loose anything - you have the experience of the 77 days which is a lot more than many would be quitters have.  You simply "gave up" one day.  You can either raise the white flag in defeat and say oh well, I tried, I can't so I'll smoke (I have done that with another addiction) or you can start your new day anytime you want to.  you cannot change the past, but you can change today.  You can always smoke tomorrow, just not today and since you are always in today, tomorrow never comes.  Honesty and the humility to ask for help are 2 enormous tools.  You'vfe used them and can consider yourself to be back on your journey.

P.S.  I wanted to to send you a private response to your latest message to me.  Can you tell me how to do that.  I want to report my my "cig consumption research."  Breather, relax and feel supportedl.  Nancy

[cheyenne7]

Thank you all for caring....I take what each of you have said to heart....and I appreciate it

[newlife5]

you are an addict  just like the rest of us... you dont know how many times i have been where you are....

i was so upset that i cried... now i cry for yoiu...

you bought that pack and kept it cause you wanted it....overcoming this addiction is no joke..

 you have to committ and then once you have gotten control  you must never touch them again... cause yor brain will not leave you in peace until you are getting your nicotine fix...

smoking must not be an option...

[jojo29]

Dale  was the one who explained from 1-4 mo were in no mans land ,, where most fail , so learn about no mans land & maybe that can help u .. just dont give up giving up 🙂

[jojo29]

Dale  was the one who explained from 1-4 mo were in no mans land ,, where most fail , so learn about no mans land & maybe that can help u .. just dont give up giving up 🙂

[linda258]

Let us change the language.... messed up... failure... gave up.... disappointed ... etc. etc.  NOPE .. none of the above.   You kept the smokes for one reason ... you were going to smoke them.  You are not going right back to the quit because you choose to smoke.

It does not matter what anyone thinks.  You are an addict.  We are all addicts.  Forget the guilt... I'm sorry... that is the cycle that addicts take usually with the excuses like illness, death, lost job, bad kid, bad day etc.   You were honest to yourself and did not make excuses.  

See it for what it really is ... you are an addict and you choose to smoke.  No more .. no less. 

[freeneasy]

You have stopped before so you know you can do it . The reasons matter..for you to figure out why. Come back and blog for help before you smoke. Smoking is a choice and it is not required. You can get help but you have to ask for it.

[Polynha]

[Giulia]

Without reading any of what my fellow quitters have said (because that  tends to taint our responses here) - my first reaction is - Ah God, another one bites the dust.  After so much work.

The 6% Club is a rarified club for the very reason that so few make it to a long-term quit.   I've lost two quits at the 3 month point.  (And they were years apart.)  That  "3 month marker"  seemed to be "that time" for me.  But that "relapse time" is different for all of us. 

"That quickly all the good is gone."  Yup.  BUT - that quickly all the good can be re-attained.  You just get rid of them now, and don't put another one in your mouth.  It's THAT SIMPLE to get the good back.  You listening?  And I mean NOW!  Not a moment after you read this comment.  

You bought them, you kept them - the  'why' is  simple:  YOU WANT TO SMOKE.  You want the security, psychologically, of having your "comfort cookie" around.  You haven't YET made the choice to be smoke free.  You haven't YET closed the option door on smoking.  You are still allowing, and thus keeping alive,  the possibility to smoke  in your mind.  You will always fail unless you choose to close that door permanently.  

So - what  do you want?  What's it to be?  Smoke free, or smoke-full?  You know, writing this blog is indeed the right thing to do.  For yourself AND for the newbie.  For it enables you to get the necessary feedback, but also teaches the newbie how quickly a relapse can happen and how awful a relapse is.  After 77 days of glorious freedom - you chose, because you had a pack in your house, to smoke it.  It teaches the newbie NOT TO DO THAT!  Not to keep a pack,  or ONE, or a stub, anywhere around.  When you truly grasp your addiction (and the addictive nature of this demon)   - you'll understand that you have to keep it as far away from you as possible.  Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.  If it's in your presence, in your constant thought - you WILL go for it.

Until- you've overcome it.  But believe me, it takes more than 77 days to overcome it.  The question you have to ask and answer for yourself is:  are you willing to go through whatever it takes to become a non-smoker.  Why did you buy them?  Why did you keep them?  We all know why you smoked them.  They were THERE.  The DUH is - you can't keep them around.

Each time you start up smoking again, it's gonna be that much harder to go back to another Day One.  The excitement of that first time, that incredible positive mental spurring diminishes with each re-make.  You have the choice and the chance now to get back on it.  What are you going to choose?

l

[harry18]

You may not remember but you responded to my thrid day blog and appreciated my honesty well I appreciate your honesty, BUT PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP it is people like you who that have helped me make it 16 days without smoking get back on that QUIT of yours and hold your head up high. all you did was admit that you slipped it could and does happen don't let it get the best of you come here for the help and support that we all need of each other. We will be there for you no matter what so throw those damn things out. I will keep you in my prayers

[wishingstar]

I feel you, been there in your shoes. Im  glad you put ot their, because thats how we heal, when have done wrong bottling it up does nothing for you.

Know when you get past, hating your  self for doing this stupid mistake. picking up one .

Well you leraned the hard way as I did. we are not stronger then a smoke.

Forgive your self don't live in the past it can't be fixed,. Cleanse your mind and never give up trying

[Thomas3.20.2010]

Now is the time to DECIDE to Live Smoke FREE! We'll be here supporting you every single step of the way! Do it TODAY! You can, you know!

[JonesCarpeDiem]

You believe this confession is honoring us and being accountable to us.

You say you don't want to be a smoker?

Then, how about honoring you by honoring your statement?

[cheryl_1-1-14]

Oh sweetie I feel so bad for you.  Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back at it.  I kept a full pack in my car for over a month.  Probably not wise but I felt something powerful when I finally gave them away.  You will figure this out and you will keep your quit.  Just have to overcome whatever it is that makes you light that "first" one again.  

I couldn't stay quiet about this!!  I'm right here for you and I know you can do this.  Deep breath and get on with it. 

[indnprincess]

Cheyenne, welcome back!!

N.O.P.E.

[Michwoman]

Ok - you owned your lapse and I commend you for that! I know it has to be really difficult to blog about it!! You know what to do. You still see cigarettes as something you are "losing" or "giving up". That has to change for you to be successful.Don't allow this ugly addiction to control you. You ARE stronger than a cigarette!!!

Don't ever give up!!

[elvan]

Cheyenne, I did not see your blog yesterday and when you PM'ed me a little while ago, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach...no actually, the heart.  I KNOW how hard it is, I had a horrible weekend and I know that's why you didn't let me know earlier.  I want to tell you something that I didn't tell you in the PM.  I am not mad at you, I am incredibly sad, but I want to understand that MY quit is just that, it is MINE and no one here who slips and falls has any impact on my smoking or not smoking.  I would have to make that decision and I am NOT going to smoke, I am trying like Hell just to breathe, I did so much damage to myself that I cannot ever justify smoking again.  I would sooner take a rope and find a tree and hang myself but that's not really appealing either.  PLEASE, get back to your quit and treat it like you should, like it's a newborn...do you think a 77 day old baby could handle anything...NO, it's up to YOU and every single one of us out there who are not smoking to protect our own quits.  No one can do it for you and no one can MAKE you smoke no matter what they do.  Your quit belongs to you Cheyenne, now you need to get it back and take care of it the way you should have all along.  We are here for you, obviously, I think you can see that but I think you knew that all along and that's why you didn't ask for help.  You decided to throw the quit under the bus...well damn it, I am not throwing YOU under the bus!  You CAN do this! N.O.P.E.  Keep them away from your face!

[annb]

Yep, that "Dale-ism" "Keep them away from your face" has to be the best instruction ever. Basic lesson 1. Everything else depends on it!!! Never never never give up!!! oxox!!! 🙂