I'm Not a Hypocrite!

[les]

On this, my 14th Day, interesting thoughts have started to develop. I'm learning who I am again. It has always been my philosophy to live according to my values and not practice situational ethics. Interestingly, by smoking, I've done just the opposite. That is not an easy pill to swallow.

For about 10 years, I've done a lot of research into alternative medicine and holistic health, and we apply those principles in our lives. My family is very healthy, and I have an incredible immune system, most likely from working with children for 25 years. My kids are never sick, and we are trying to leave a smaller footprint on the earth. I have a vegetable garden and it is completely organic. I put no chemicals of any kind on my yard, flower beds or my garden. We cook almost all of our meals, and fast food is extremely rare in our home. I have three chickens who provide us with free range eggs, and would love to have a goat for milk, butter and cheese. I am a back to nature kind of girl.

I am adamant about not putting chemicals on my garden, but didn't think twice about all the chemicals I ingested when I lit up. I have knowledge how to ward off disease and how to keep from becoming ill, yet didn't worry about the consequences of smoking. I did all I can to be healthy, except when I smoked.

Smokers do not live according to their values, but that is a blog for another time. Suffice it to say, I am no longer a hypocrite. THAT feels good.

[mr1957]

I know what you mean as I have been "clean" from narcotics,sedation,alcohol and all other drugs since 8-3-83. Yet I smoked for most of my recovery. The truth is rational thought never really occurs for an addict...lol If it did,we would'nt be addicts!

[les]

Yea, it's really crazy how we rationalize irrational thoughts, justify the unjustifiable and lie, lie, lie to ourselves so we can continue the addiction.

[terry-morache]

I know how you feel Les, that is one of the reason I had to quit. I knew I was being a hippocrit (sp) and I was becomming really resentful to myself. Since I have quit I have found to be more in balance, more at peace with myself and more forgiving of self. It is a hard lesson to learn. I moved to Alaska to lead a clean life and had quit smokking in April/May for 3 weeks cold turkey I felt great but when my dad got on the plane to go home all I cared about was that cigarette. Now I am more secure and more determined to stay quit than I ever was. I don't want to and will not go back to those guilty feelings about smoking again. Like you I found reasons to justify why I smoked and why it was ok for me to do so. My consience caught up with me 3 days before my quit day when I lit up after playing with my dogs and I completely broke down with guilt. Every time I smoked after that I felt so horrible about myself that I had a hard time choking down the cigarette. I stuck to my quit plan knowing the guilty feelings would make me stronger on my quit day and it has.

[Abby3]

This post really hit home for me as prior to my quit, my husband would always tell me how ridiculous it was for me to care so much about eating local and organic....and then be pumping the thousands of chemicals into my lungs all day! And it was ridiculous. I was always in this state of conflict and it sucked. But I felt like at least I was being healthy on all other accounts.
I have been adamant about eating local and the Slow Food movement ever since reading the Omnivore's Dilemma last summer (if you haven't read it - it's great. Michael Pollan). Prior to that I ate everything organic/antibiotic free and still never ate fast food....but regardless, the best I could do when it came to smoking was switch to American Spirits...an organic/natural cigarette! ha ha And even that didn't last long. I switched back to the camels as I couldn't consistently find the American Spirits while traveling. I would end up smoking Camels anyways, so I was like eff it.
But now, I too can say that I'm no longer a conflicted soul. I can sign up for this new healthy way of life 100,000%.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
And I love the pictures of your chickens! Makes me envious. I totally want to go out in my yard and gather eggs while cluck cluck clucking at them! Whenever I'm around chickens I just have to giggle. They are such funny animals! Some day, maybe 🙂
a

[barbara42]

GOOD POST,
I am so happy with your quit, I never thought of things like that before but you are so right. Keep on keeping on PEACE!

[robbje]

you werent a hypocrite then or now. trouble with a real hypocrites is that they lack ability to selfexam,be honest or they have a hiden or selfish agenda. i see a problem when we take the liberty to call ourself a name like that. you know? we need self realization BUT...i kno u kno what i sayin. nope not hypocrite,just a human being with a bad but correctable habit. that is all.

[jim_taddeo]

It is part of the bewildering complexity of addiction. The realization of such a thing certainly comes after stopping. I know in my case I have just "allowed" myself to think about such topics in depth. Going to the doctor today as a matter of fact. When actively addicted or "practicing" the addiction, that thread of thinking is completely counter productive or in direct opposition with the continuing use so we tend not to actively think about it. At least we develop a sense or ability to "lessen" the ramification or rationalize the gamble in our minds. It is a HARD pill to swallow when you think about it.......Excellent post. Hypocrite might be a little harsh but if it is going to continue to solidify your quit call yourself whatever you like........ 🙂 I don't think so........ but I'm an addict....sooooooo........LOL NO.....NO....great job Les, Keep at it.............21 DAYS YES!
God bless,
Jim