I’m quitting for my Beanie Baby. It took so long to conceive them, roughly five years. It was also by total accident so this baby is pure miracle. I can’t wait to meet them, and I know if I continue to smoke that I either may not meet them or they may be born sick. Sometimes the cravings are really bad and I talk myself into 2-3 drags. Granted I have gone down from a pack a day to about 5 cigarettes a day, and for that I am a little proud. I have a problem with when my hands are idle so I’ve been trying to crochet a baby blanket, but I also have the oral fixation issue. It feels like no matter what I try, something in me is unsatisfied with the substitutes and then it nags at me to smoke. It’s also a vicious cycle where I don’t want to harm my baby, but I feel so guilty for having smoked earlier that day or whatever, that in order to calm down I have to have a few drags of a cigarette. Well, I don’t HAVE to, but it certainly feels like it.
I feel like I’m always doing the wrong thing but cognitively I KNOW that quitting is really the only right thing.
