A few days ago, my fiance and I decided that New Years would be our last day smoking. Well it worked for her and not for me. I still keep smoking but craving them even more. I feel guilty because I made a promise but I feel like I'll scream if I actually think about stopping.
I feel like a criminal if I smoke now. I know I need to be on something for anxiety in general but I'm not and I just lost my job last month and so now everything's in a whirlwind.
I cannot afford to smoke but it almost seems to outweigh the nasty feeling I get when I don't. I get this aggitated squirmy feeling in my whole body.
I know that it's hard for everyone but I feel like my Asperger's is only making things worse. I hate change. I hate new routines in general unless they are soothing.
I have never felt this guilty about smoking but it almost makes me want to smoke more....
I am going to try to not smoke again until tomorrow afternoon. If I can make it that long I will smoke one and then I will try not to smoke again until bedtime and start the routine over again. It's better than a pack a day...and then next week I'll try to just smoke one a day at bedtime...and then hopefully I won't care as much.
