I could use an excuse.

[JACKIE1-25-15]

My 93 year old daddy is driving me close to crazy.  Not an opition to smoke.

Doing everything I can to make him feel at home.  Nothing seems to be the right thing. Not an option to smoke.  Road all over town to find thermals that have not been put out in all of the stores yet.  Complained about me spending money.  Mine not his.  SINAO I am learning at 93 years old you know everything there is nothing anyone can do or say to change your mind.  Lets discuss Depend underwear wrong size even though they are the exact replacement.  The only thing that i can do to make him happy is food., Ice cream neopolitan. Bought home is favorite navy beans and corn bread he pretended he did not want it.  Tonight when the microwave keeps going off because he can not get it right. He will be trying to heat those beans.  He is a  Night owl up all night long.  He has recently given me persmission to wake him up during the day.  I said to go for a walk? he says no for a ride.  It takes 4 hrs to do an 30 minute errand I kept asking for patience I haven' gotten it yet. . I wouln't say my attitude is really  bad but after a couple of nights lost of sleep my disposition isn't that great.  Wants me to take him to his house that is condemned. Not suppose to be there. Loses focus on why we are there.  Have to go through hollering match to get him out  and threatening to leave him. I finally tell him my heart is beating fast and then we can go.  I guess he does not want me to die.  Everybody says he is at the right place with me. Supposely we are alike.  I guess they could not handle all the drama that comes with a very independent irony opinionated 93 year old male chauvanist.  Anyway at least two times today I had to tell myself that smoking is not an option.  I lost a quit 2014 over a disagreement with him.  Steam coming out of my ears and nose and I went directly pass go and bought a pack.  I resolve that no matter how often we bump heads smoking is not an option 
Good night my friends. I think the ice cream put him to sleep SINAO.​

[TerrieQuit]

Oh, my Dear, Jackie! You sound like you are between a rock and a hard place! I can't say I have been through it but I am here for you! You sound more patient than you know! Thank goodness for ice cream! Take care of you! And remember, no matter what, No Smoking! That won't help a thing! You have a good strong quit going! Keep moving forward!! Deep Breathes!!! Many of them, and maybe some counting to ten or maybe 100! xoxo

Terrie

[djmurray]

Hang in there, my friend.  You're doing a good thing here, and hard as it is, you won't have him that much longer.  You are so right -- smoking is NOT an option, and as Terrie says, you have shown more patience than you think you have.  So take a deep breath (and isn't it great that we can do that now without coughing?)  and know that this is a place where you can vent any time and as much as you want.  We're here for you!

[froguelady]

Sounds like the way my Dad was.  He tried to throw me out of his hospital room once.  I know it is rough but you are right SINAO.  It will not change your Dad.  You are a good caregiver even though I am sure he doesn't appreciate you but I do.  ((HUGS))

[Giulia]

He's going to be who he is whether you smoke or not.  And smoking won't really alleviate the FRUSTRATION AND RAGE YOU FEEL!  And yeah, what a great excuse it would be.  But then fortunately you're too smart now to fall for that. 

He's just gonna be his old cantankerous, opinionated, chavinistic self fighting for what independence he has left.  And lucky you, who have taken him in, are the one who's getting the brunt of it. 

BREATHE!!!!  Just breathe through each moment of anger and frustration just like a craving. 

And PS - you will NOT be able to please him.  So - let go of that one.  Or shall I rather say "accept" that as a given.  You'll drive yoursel crazy else.  You can call it patience, I call it acceptance.  This is the way it is for now. 

BREATHE.  Just keep BREATHING through it.  You've got every excuse in the world to light up again.  Except the one that says smoking is an option.  For when that door is closed, locked, and the key thrown away - what is left is Freedom.

[candu2]

Hi Jackie!  When I saw how your post began with "my 93 year old daddy..." I had to keep reading. It made me want to laugh and cry at the same time because it reminded me of me and my mom.  

Those of us who are dealing with an addiction learn the value of "ODAT" - I think elder care is another area like that. You will find the strength you need one day at a time.

I've been away from the site for a while and was pleasantly surprised to find I've got 312 days smoke free...even more surprised to realize I had stopped counting! I'd like to remind everybody out there (and myself as well) that no matter what you've got going on that gets on your nerves, nicotine would make it worse, not better.

[Connie55]

Yes, I feel your frustration. I too have similar issues with my Mom. So I make sure I keep plenty of wine in the house, for BOTH of us! 🙂

[Jennifer-Quit]

Oh my - I do feel for you.  It is a very tough job taking care of the elderly.  My thoughts and prayers are with you!  SINAO!

[sparky26]

Hang in there jackie .