I apologize

[msgardengirl320]

I am so sorry I haven't been on here very much lately to congratulate all the recent milestones, or respond to desparation as the newbies begin your quit. I have been going thru so much lately myself & have been selfish with my time & emotions.  We just placed my 89 yr old mom in an ALF nearby. It is very nice, many activities to do. She is not adjusting well at all. THIS is when I want to smoke! I know it won't make anything any better, ut I am so sad. She cries to come home & I cry beause I want the best care for her. I am an emotional wreck! So, please accept my apology for any news I have missed.  I don't really know how to handle this problem, but me & my 2 other siblings must come to a solution, soon.

[Laura-12-14-14]

Sounds like tough love to me. I'm no Dr. Phil but if this place has the care she needs and a place for her to be safe then that is what is important. Its nice that you can decide with your other siblings.

[elvan]

My heart goes out to you.  My mother went into assisted living years ago and her adjustment was not an easy one but she eventually did adjust and she was in her own little apartment.  I think that she actually liked it eventually.  

It's really difficult to feeol as though you want to protect your parent.  You need to sit down with your siblings and decide what is best for all of you.  I am sorry that you are going through this but glad that you realize that smoking would not change anything.

[swilson2]

I am sorry about your mother, i placed my mother in a nursing home she too cried for us too take her home, i was still working so it wasen't possible, when i did retire i had plans too bring her home with me,she passed away before i could do that, its sad and it just kills you too think about leaving her, my mom stopped asking after a while ,she got involved with bingo, visiting and made a couple of friends, she never gave up wanting too go home but she got better, its hard too leave your home, give her time visit with her every chance you get so she will know you will be there for her no matter what things will get somewhat better.

[Giulia]

My cousin has just gone through this with her mother.  It's an impossible situation.  Just beyond what I think I could handle if it were my mom.  But my mom bowed out many years ago, far too early and I was spared that. 

Nothing to apologize for - although we have missed you.  That you are still secure in your quit is heartening.  Don't let it go because of what you're going through.  You're mom wouldn't want you to.  YOU don't want you to. 

The way you handle the situation with your mom, is the same way you handle quitting.  It's a new experience.  A learning experience.  You don't have the answers.  You just have to learn as you go.  And it's hard.  Very, very hard.  But learn you do.  And time passes and adjustments are made.  And the tears come and go.  And life goes on.  With or without the cigarette in your mouth.  Preferable without.

Hang in.  ♥ Giulia

[summer-07-06-15]

It's hard to make decisions about our parents and doing what's best for them and yourself. Maybe your just feeling guilty about having to make the decisions that she did when she was younger.  If you can't be there to take care all the time, or have the time to do it, it's best she somewhere will she be save. I am sure you and your siblings are doing what's best for your mother. I hope everything works out.

[Strudel]

We have missed you. I am so sorry you have had to handle this. I was very lucky that when Dad needed a nursing home - he accepted it and did okay. I have heard of many folks who did not accept it at first - but eventually they adjust. I pray that is what happens with your mom. In the meantime, please know you are doing everything you can to make sure she has the best care. I know you are! 

Please - take care! 

[Barbara145]

So sorry for your pain and your Mother's situation.  Thinking about you and praying.

[annb]

Oh Dear msgardengirl, Bless you I know all too well the journey you are on. Believe me AL is for the best. I worked with all my heart to keep my Mom at my house and I wanted to spoil her rotten. But she had a terrible accident and broke her neck because of stairs in my house! I wish I'd taken the Assisted Living Route to start with. She'd prob still be alive now!!! She passed at 94. We went thru it with my Dad too. He begged and begged to come home. Don't feel guilty. You are doing the very best you can and somewhere deep down they really know that. Please feel free to PM me if you need extra ears I will be glad to listen and offer all the support I can! So proud for you keeping your quit! Yes! You have to take care of YOU or you can't take care of her. Keep your chin up you are being an Angel for your Mom. ❤

[Brenda_M]

This sounds so hard. I'm really sorry you're having a hard time. Those assisted living places are so nice. I hope she gets used to it and that when I am of an age to go to one, that I can see it like going away to college. That's what my grandmother's place reminded me of--an awesome dorm! But with better food! 

[annb]

My Mom's place was awesome and the food was great. She had a ball winning at Bingo and had a lovely room with a nice view with trees, birds, deer etc!!!

[JRC]

There were very good and necessary reasons for placing your Mom in an assisted living facility and those reasons still exist. Your decision was based on love and caring. However that doesn't mean it's easier to deal with. Sounds like maybe time will ease with her adjustment. The right decisions are often the most difficult.

Please take time to take care of yourself. ((((msgarden))))

[candu2]

Bless you!  This is one of the most difficult transitions you can go through.

Is there some dementia involved?  If so, having difficulty adjusting to a new setting is part of that condition.  Without dementia, she may adjust in a matter of weeks, with dementia, it may take a few months. Not your fault, just the condition.

[smorgy8513]

We have missed you...but, please don't feel guilty about not being here or about putting mom in a place where she can get everything she needs.     There have been alot of decisions and changes for you over the last year......and you have made them and STAYED QUIT!     Proud of you!

Come here as you can....lean on your EX family as you need.     

(((((HUGS))))))

[Junior7]

Glad to see you! No apology needed.  So sorry for what you are going through with your mom.  Will keep you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers.

[promise_judy]

So many of us go through this and we understand--I will keep you in my prayers and remember that you do not need to feel quilty about taking care of your mother the best way you can.

XOXO

[Jennifer-Quit]

It is not easy - my Mother passed away almost 8 years ago - and unfortunately most of us are forced to make decisions that are not easy ones to make.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[marilyn_marmac]

Taking care of yourself and others is not being selfish! I'm not on very often myself so I sort of know what your feeling as far as the guilt of not being here to help our new quitters or to keep up with our EX family and what's going on in their lives. I miss being on here as well..but we do have to take care of our 3D world obligations first. 

[msgardengirl320]

Thank you for all the cares & concerns! Don't know what I would do without you guys to help through life's trials & heartaches. Deisions are so hard to make when you want them to stay in their home durng their last days here in this world. We (me & my siblings) are going to give it thru Feb. & if it is not better, we will bring herr home to her house of 52 yrs & do the best we can. She deserves to have end-of-life where she most wants it. NO, I will NOT smoke over this!