Who thought that a (very) chubby, out-of-shape, donut eating 66 year old smoker (as of December 31, 2014) could be a happy, non-smoking, eating healthy and working to be in better shape 66 year old woman a mere four months later? Not me!! And this quit is the key to all of it. I couldn't say for sure on Day One that I could make this my final quit. I wanted that really badly, but I was still afraid. But as each day has passed in this quit I have learned more about myself, felt better about myself and respected myself more than I have maybe ever. I worked hard in my life to overcome depression, and I have been pretty successful at that. But I can't think of anything I've done that has had this effect on me -- to make me want to do more and more to actually take care of myself. I graduated with honors from law school, and I was very proud of that, but it didn't really have as much to do with how I felt about myself as it was what others would think of me. I would get a good job, good pay, and have respect. There's a place for that sort of thing (although as many of you know, I don't practice law anymore because I came to HATE it).
The point is that when we say here that quitting is the most loving gift you can give yourself, I am living it. I am benefitting every moment of every day from not putting toxins into my body, of course, but also from my awakened sense of (corny as it probably sounds) self worth. I think that's the source of the great joy I have been experiencing. I believe I understand it now.
So, all smokers are afraid of quitting, every smoker I know of was full of trepidation as they put out their last cigarette, we worked through the first few days with somewhat grim determination, and then the beauty of quitting started to show through. Suddenly we were more focused, we weren't huddling out in the cold to satisfy our addiction, we smelled better, we weren't spending all that money to feed the addiction. We kind of expected those benefits and they felt good. But the surprises started happening -- the increased self-respect, the ability to deal directly with feelings, good and bad.
So here I am again, saying how much I love my quit. And I hope I can do something to help others love their quits as well.
