I actually remember going for days and weeks and months, without the thought of a cigarette. I remember waking up, planning my days - without a cigarette. Back then, I usually smoked, in a social gathering. Sometimes, at a card party (spades, 21 blackjack). Sometimes at a bar, with coworkers and others. I remember when a pack of cigarettes lasted so long - that I would put them in a plastic bag--to keep them "fresh."
Fast forward : Mornings, smoking. After meals, smoking. Chain smoking, coughing and smoking. Planning on when I can smoke my next cigarette. Bringing cigarettes to the work place, then planning breaks, just to smoke - regardless of the weather. Smoking in the rain, worried that the rain will put out the cigarette, or the cigarette will get too wet, to smoke. Not even concerned that I was getting wet. Smoking, standing knee-deep in snow, shivering, hands freezing - but would N O T stop smoking... Outside smoking : during a storm and worried, because the wind was blowing out the flame of my cigarette lighter.. WOW !!
NOW -- Im looking forward to regaining my self-control and getting back my self-respect. Im looking forward to a healthier life. Im looking forward to a time when my priorities aren't so screwed up. Looking forward to a time when nicotine will stop calling me, calling me, calling me. So looking forward to getting back to MEEEEEEEEEEEE !!!
