So after 36 yrs of smoking I finally quit. It's only been 3 days and it seems like I've been struggling for weeks, if not months!! I look at my calendar and realize that just a little over 72 hrs ago I had a cigarette with my coffee while relaxing for the evening and I cried. I cried because I miss the taste, the way it made me feel, the way I would just take my time and enjoy it while reading a good book and having a nice hot cup of coffee. And I cried because I am so angry with myself for sitting here and taking apart a memory like that piece by piece, looking for some kind of validation that it's ok for me the go ahead to just have one puff..I have so many reasons running thru my mind telling me why it's ok to go get a pack and just pick up where I left off. And every time there is a reason to say yes I struggle to find reasons to say no. Why? See, I don't have memories where I am not smoking. I have been trying to think about a time or an event that has happened in my life where I wasn't smoking. There isn't one.
I also realized these last 3 evenings were the hardest for me. During the days I stay busy enough where I really don't think about it or even feel as if I'm missing something. But in the evenings even while wearing a nicotine patch I still want a cigarette. Badly!!! I have done a lot that has been suggested. I've gotten rid of every ashtray I own, I threw out all of my lighters, I've changed my routines, I have affirmations sounding me.
And I'm still struggling. I don't know what to do.
